“We don’t have that between us either. It’s a good thing we love each other and appreciate each other naturally or because of our love.”
What to do with that information, I didn’t know.
Since I knew I’d make sure that Michael got what he needed from the connect, talking about my effort to find the right person to meet my needs sexually might not have been the best thing right then. But, our time was limited; Michael would be leaving in a few hours.
“Michael, now that you and Lu are married and sex between us is not even a possibility I wanted to let you know that I’m gonna look for a partner. Yes I know that it’ll probably be an impossible task to find someone my principles would allow me to be with.”
I made the statement in a conversational tone. It was merely an informative statement not something that was meant to goad. Michael cared for me and I knew that he wanted me for his own and would prefer that I not have anyone in my life that could distract from our connection. His demand was completely unrealistic; I needed the complete physical connection and Michael couldn’t give it to me.
“Do you have someone in mind?”
Michael’s voice was controlled but I could feel his unease.
“Well, believe it or not, the opportunity has presented itself to me on a few occasions by more than one person; so, no, I don’t have one particular person in mind for the arduous task of being my sex partner. I’ve never actively looked for someone to be a partner of that kind. I’ll probably have to try out a relationship with all who present themselves to me as I do the research it’ll take to find the right man.”
The last sentence was a thought – just something I was thinking that came out of my mouth without my realizing I was saying it out loud.
“That sounds a bit dangerous Helen.”
Michael didn’t like what he heard.
“Michael, you know that I love you and our connection commands me to make sure you’re happy before I concern myself with my own needs. From what I know and what I’ve seen you are set, you have Lu and when I visit you guys we’ll copy the connection to her again and then the two of you will be back on track like the day you first left my house all those months ago.”
I kept my tone of voice conversational. His comfort was important to me and I could tell that no matter what tone I used, he would still be uncomfortable. I was actually telling him that getting hit by the wave once in awhile was not enough for me anymore.
“I wasn’t thinking of how it would affect me but I am concerned with the danger you may get yourself into.”
Michael showed me concern because of the commands of the connect and his need to have me exclusively.
“Getting hit by the wave is better and more exciting than anything I’ve ever experienced and if I had access to it on a regular basis I’d probably be satisfied and not need the real thing.”
I looked at Michael.
“So you and Lu should move close to me and give me a wave on a regular basis and I’ll be satisfied.”
Michael said nothing but just listened.
“There was an article that I read about you and Lu buying the place in London that made me cry even though the connect had been in hibernation for awhile. It was like the reconnect reached out to me from that article and twisted my heart into a knot. After that I sunk deeper into a funk, feeling the hope of a reconnect with the two of you become more remote and I became truly grateful for the hibernation state.”
There was a moment when I thought back to those uninspired days, those days in limbo and realized once more that I couldn’t do it again. I needed to live and to be inspired and to create and be productive.
“Michael,” my voice was quiet but honest.
“I won’t use the hibernation state again. It was like the clock in my life was ticking away and I was absent. So no matter how our separation affects me, I’ll endure in the state that the connect deems proper. If that means discomfort and disorientation, then so be it.”
Those were the last words spoken for a long time as we both sat together going forward and feeling calm because of the connect and our close proximity. The calm helped with our discussion.
“There was a great injustice done to you by me after you gave Lu the gift of your connection. At first our connection worked on my nerves but the farther we got from you the less the connection worked on me. I’d hoped that the distance worked the same for you and that’s how I got by the guilt I felt for not checking on you. Your needs became less and less important to me until the connect started yelling at me on a daily basis.”
He drew out his words and took his time.
“Leaving you without hope of a reconnect is something I won’t do again. I am so totally beyond sorry for that. It’s important to set things right. As long as we have this connection, we’ll figure out what we all need not just what I want, understand?”
I wondered if the reminder was for me or for him.
“Ok,” I said.
“Did Lu forget me, too?”
There was no accusation in the question just a need for more information.
“You’ll have to talk to her about that, I can’t speak for her. We allowed each other not to talk about you and any need that either of us felt. I can tell you that we were very sexually happy for a time, thanks to you.”
Back at my place we went our separate ways while each of us took our showers. After my shower, I headed to the kitchen to prepare us a meal and Michael got his belongings together for the trip home. I made one of my Monte Cristos because I had the ingredients and I knew that it was one of Michael’s favorites.
“Lucky me, hot ‘Mustard Cum’.”
Michael said as he saw what I’d fixed. He’d used different ‘M-C’ words as was my family’s tradition when I fixed that particular food. Michael always added a sexual innuendo, which made it fun for both of us. Then he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.
“In this moment, Hellie, I couldn’t be happier.”
“You do the same for me. In this moment, I too, couldn’t be happier.”
We ate the repast in relative silence except for the sounds of delight at how good the ‘Menstrual Cycle’ was.
After lunch we met up in the ‘Pinky bank’ for a much needed bowl and a discussion of what we’d do while I was visiting their place. Michael was happy that I was coming for a visit and helped to generate excitement for me at the trip. We wanted to have a catch before he was gone and left the confines of the cozy little ‘Pinky bank’ but only got as far as my big bed.
Michael looked at me when he saw the bed and I looked at him at the same time and without saying a single word to each other, we crawled into the middle of the bed. Again without words we organized our space with a single pillow each. Eyes to the ceiling we rolled into each other.
“I do love you Helen,” Michael said.
“I’ll make sure that you know it in my actions as well as me saying it to you. Would you mind a small experiment?”
“I’m interested,” I said.
That was Michael’s go-ahead. He looked into my eyes for a minute before he lunged at me and captured my lips and smashed our faces together in nearly a brutal move. His aggression was surprisingly arousing. There was no need to force us together because we usually were drawn together like magnets anyway.
Maybe he caught the reconnect on unawares because it took a minute before the connect kicked in. I actually felt the pleasure of it when Michael dragged his body over mine and allowed his entire weight to rest on me. He bit my lower lip and