How I longed for the days when I was a child, when Tess and I were too busy doing dance routines or playing scenes from Young Talent Time or Days of Our Lives. Pretending we were Hope and Bo in the fish market, using the leaves as fish and having thin long sticks as chips. I wanted to go back to the time where decisions were determined by dig, dig, dog shit or there’s a party on the hill, and the only thing you really had to decide was whether you wanted to play hide-and-seek, elastics or skipping. Life shouldn’t be this difficult. We shouldn’t have to choose between your best friend and the boy you loved.
“Cassandra!”
“Jesus Christ, Mum. You gave me a heart attack.”
She laughed. “Sorry, Salvatore is on the phone.”
I jumped down from the wall and went inside. I grabbed the phone. “Hey Cassie, do you want to go bowling with Tessa and me tonight?”
“Yeah, sounds like fun. Just wait a minute though; I have to ask my dad.” I put down the phone. This was something I wasn’t looking forward to. Dad was extremely strict. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, especially at night. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the milk bar by myself until a couple of months ago and that was only at the end of the street. He was very protective of my sisters and me. People said how lucky we were that our parents really cared about us but I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as a life sentence in jail. I was enclosed in the one house all the time and ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’ had been drilled into me like a warden would do to their prisoners. I hoped he was in a good mood and he would let me go, or else I had to fake the tears and beg him.
“Dad?” My voice quivered.
He turned his gaze from the TV, his eyes levelled with mine.
“Can I go bowling with Sav and Tessa tonight?”
“Why?”
“Sav is leaving this week and he wants to see me before he goes.” I bit my lip.
“Who’s driving?”
“Zia Sarina, I think.”
He stayed silent, staring at me as if I was somehow lying to him. Why would I? It was just bowling. It wasn’t as if I was asking to go to a party where I would smoke and get drunk. Besides, I would never do that anyway. I was against those things because of him.
I looked at Mum for some help. She raised her eyebrows and gave me the ‘don’t get me involved’ look.
“Well, can I please go? Sav is waiting on the phone; I have to let him know.”
He cleared his throat, raised his eyebrow and then nodded.
“Thanks,” I said, surprised. I could have kissed him, but I stopped myself. He would probably change his mind if I did. I half-ran, half-skipped into my bedroom and spent another five minutes on the phone, arranging plans. I hung up the phone just as Abby came in.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“Sav,” I replied. “He asked me to go bowling. How was your day?”
“It was okay. I just went to Jim’s house and we watched a movie,” she said, putting her bag away. “Hey, do you mind if I come bowling? It sounds like fun.”
“Yeah, I’m sure there’ll be enough room in the car.”
“What time are they coming?”
“Seven-thirty.”
“You can’t stop smiling, is there something you’re not telling me?”
“No, it’s nothing. I just can’t believe Dad said ‘yes’. The King is allowing me to live a life beyond these four binding walls.”
“I know. I’m shocked too. Maybe he’ll give you more freedom.”
“I hope so.” I just couldn’t stop beaming. I felt like twirl-ing about the room, doing handstands and cheering like a cheerleader.
Mum came into the room. “Girls, time for dinner.”
We followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table, in our usual positions; Dad at the head of the table, Mum and I sitting on his left side, Abby on his right, while Carla sat opposite him. I hated it when people sat in my chair. Mum said I was a demon child while I was growing up. If anyone I didn’t like sat in my spot, I would start screaming and kicked them out of the house. I must have been imitating my father because he did the same thing. Not kicking people out, but he just stared at you and you knew you needed to get off his chair. When Mum told me about these incidents, I just laughed. I couldn’t believe grownups would actually listen to a three-year-old. I must have looked scary though. I never used to brush my hair, and it was wild, knotty and all over the place. People must have thought I was evil or just too loud to argue with. Whatever it was, no one sat in my chair after that and I could understand why Carla called me a brat when I was younger.
“Who set the table tonight?” I asked.
“I did,” Carla said.
I picked up the utensil in front of me. “Do I eat with this?” I asked.
“Oh Cassie, get over it, it’s just a fork,” she replied, rolling her eyes.
“No, it’s not and you know I prefer the other one.” I got up from the table and grabbed my fork. My sisters thought I was stupid for using the one set of cutlery but I had always used it. I had abnormally tiny hands and my fork was smaller and easier to grip, while the others in Mum’s collection were huge and the tip barely fitted in my mouth.
Dinner was promptly at six o’clock every night and no one missed it, unless Carla and Abby worked late. Dad was very strict about dinner. He liked us to all eat together. The problem was we had to watch the news and if we tried to change the channel he cracked it.
“I heard you’re going bowling tonight,” Carla said.
“Yeah, with Tess and Sav. It should be fun. Abby’s coming too,” I said, helping myself to some turkey.
“How come you’re going Abby?”
“I thought I might as well, since you’re going out with Peter tonight.”
“Cassie, move your head,” Dad said.
Every night was the same thing. Dad couldn’t see the TV because my head was in the way. No matter what I did, if I moved in closer or kept my head down lower, he always complained. Then we would get into an argument about it, because he wanted me to sit on the other side of the table, and I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to sit next to him. However, I didn’t want to fight with him tonight, he wouldn’t let me go out otherwise.
I moved an inch closer, the table jabbing into my stomach. “Oh, so we’re your back up because you don’t have anything better to do,” I said to Abby.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that…”
“No, that’s okay,” I said interrupting. “It’s okay to be used once in a while.”
“Shhh,” Dad said.
We all tried to be quiet. The weather was about to come on and Dad needed absolute silence so he could hear the forecast for the sea. I didn’t understand why he had to hear it. Couldn’t he just see it?
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Abby whispered over the table.
“Relax Abby, I was only joking,” I whispered back.
Dad