"How'd she know?"
"Marnie knew things. She was half Wanderer.”
Half Wanderer? So I was related to these people who so fascinated me. It was exciting to have my speculations confirmed.
"She had their gifts of foretelling," continued Hamel. "And she often knew the right thing to do was. She would say it was destiny that she did such and such a thing and after everyone was done scolding her, they'd turn round and see that she'd done something good. I'd give my right hand for a gift like that, wouldn't you?"
"I would indeed." Especially now. It seemed the right moment then to take the plunge, so I took it.
"So how safe is this route Tomas has planned to get me into Moria?"
A look of hope crossed Hamel's face. "You're thinking about it then."
"I'm thinking about it. It seems to me that these dreams which you say come from Tasha and these reports of necromancy may well be linked. And if they are ... I can hardly sit here with a clear conscience and do nothing, can I? So tell me."
"Tomas has been running healers across the border for almost four years. The money's very good for those who are prepared to take the risk. There's a whole ring of them with hiding places and everything. Tomas' father is in on it and his half-brother. They're both very important people. Tomas has a flair for dangerous enterprises. He says he's never lost anyone."
"Is that so?"
"I know he's never been in trouble. I wouldn't knowingly lead you into danger."
I went over to him. "I know nothing of you or you of me. Whereas I can see how attached you must be to Tasha. I fear that might blind you."
He grinned ruefully. "To tell the truth I used to avoid Tasha. She was a hard person to love. Last time I saw her she was blind drunk and called my wife a cow. But I can see why you would think that. Trust is a hard thing among strangers. You can't even know if we are telling the truth."
"But there are ways I can find out, aren't there? I was wondering if you and Tomas would be prepared to submit to a mind search. It will hurt you terribly, but it will help me decide."
"Of course," said Hamel. "Tomas and I have already talked about this and we both think it would be best. We can start now if you wish. I'll get Tomas. Tomas!"
The door of the hut burst open.
"What?!"
"Dion would like us to submit to a mind search."
Considering how unpleasant and painful mind searches are, Tomas' reaction was entirely inappropriate.
"Yes!" he cried, clapping his hands with delight and he flung his arms round me and swung me up into the air laughing.
"Dion, you little honey."
When you search a person's mind their first emotion is usually fear, fear of the pain and of the intrusion. Often too people's minds will leap guiltily to the most embarrassing thing they can think of. I heard a mage once tell a class that it was astonishing how often the first image you received from a searched mind was a picture of yourself with no clothes on. It is caused by the search itself he said and is quite irrelevant. You learn to direct the mind away into more relevant channels so that you can glean the pertinent information out of the great mad mass of images and thoughts that fill a healthy mind.
When I pressed my thumbs to Hamel's temples, closed my eyes and slid my mind into his I was not greeted with any embarrassing pictures, but there was the fear and that usual whirlpool of images. It was easy for me to rise above them. Using magic is very calming. It can be a useful side-effect.
Hamel's mind was a straightforward one. He had a wife and a little son and was full of happy memories and cheerful thoughts over his life with them. Entwined among these memories were others of Tomas and Tasha and an older fair-haired woman with a lovely, loving face. From the warm but confused emotions involved with this image, I knew this must be our mother. I moved quickly away from it. I had no wish to get caught up with her at such a risky moment.
To Hamel a good intention meant the same as a good act. He had no grasp of politic subtlety. That is a major limitation of a mind search. You can not tell how a person will actually act at a given moment, only how they intend to act. It was easy to see that Hamel meant only good to me, that he understood my doubts and that he would strive to do his best to see I came to no harm. I could not really tell how this would translate into action.
It was only at the end of the search that I saw something I did not like. I asked him about Tasha and suddenly I saw the stone woman with glowing red eyes reaching towards me in the darkness. I was loathe to see that vision again. I pulled out of his mind more quickly than I intended and hurt him more than I needed to. As he slumped forward, I quickly pressed a pain relieving spell into his head.
"Ah sister. You really do have a strong touch," he said, squinting up at me though eyes hazy with pain. "That's better. I thought my head was going to explode for a second there."
"I'm sorry to have hurt you," I said. "I can send you to sleep for a time. You'll feel better when you awake."
"Yes," he said. "That will be best."
Leaving Hamel asleep, I turned to Tomas with a feeling of apprehension. I had never doubted Hamel, but I knew I doubted Tomas. Now I would find out the truth.
When I reached out to take his head between my hands, he did not bow down as Hamel had, but caught my hand in his.
"Dion. Before you begin ... I should make a confession. I would be loathe for you to find it out by chance. I feel ... I have much anger in my heart against you."
He took my hand and squeezed it as if to soften the words.
"Your friend, that charming Kitten Avignon, she tried to explain it to me and I tried to understand. Yet I cannot and still I am angry. You have had everything we, Tasha especially, never had. A chance to escape your birth, honors from those who matter ... You have great power Dion. I know how mighty one must be to slay a demon. And yet you are nothing. You live here in this poor little hut. You are nothing but a village healer in the poorest of poor villages. Surely that Duke of yours offered you honors and wealth when you slew that demon."
"Yes," I said. "But ..."
"Our mother wept when she gave you up. Were her tears for nothing?"
I was dumbfounded by his words. There were so many things I could not bring myself to tell him. My first contact with Bedazzer, the demon I had defeated had happened during a foolish Hazia experiment. The contact had marked Bedazzer out for slavery by Norval the necromancer I had been hired to protect Kitten Avignon from. Norval had been able to draw sufficient power to bring Bedazzer, through into this world as a slave where he had masqueraded as Andre, a tall handsome Aramayan Lord. Demons can read you're most secret thoughts and Andre/Bedazzer had made himself into everything that was most attractive to me so that I would leave myself open to betrayal. I did not want anyone to know my guilt in this matter or how I still longed for Andre. I had been a foolish woman driven by emotion and desire. Tomas would despise me as I still despised myself. Yet I must make some attempt to explain myself.
I tried to form words.
"There are things ... Things that happened ... I have power that is true. But you must have more than power to be the great mage in Gallia. You must have the eye for politics. I do not. You must have wisdom, understanding of people. I ..."
"But you have gained nothing. Surely you have a right to be part of the White College of Mages. But you don't even have that."
"Tomas. I'm a woman. There is no place for women to act as mages on the Peninsula. Would the Duke let himself be advised by a woman? Would students let themselves be taught by a woman? I was useless in Gallia as a mage. I am useful here in Cardun as a healer."
"Power is power no matter who wields it Dion. You could have made your sex irrelevant had you the courage to."
He