By this point Ruthie is sitting next to him or kneeling in front of him and stroking his hand gently.
We drive for twenty minutes. Or, I have no idea for how long. It seemed like twenty minutes. It could have been any period of time at all.
And we stop outside of a storefront which has a realty sign in it, and the two other stores on this side of the block are boarded up and I was thinking I’ll sort of look around me, and try to see where I am, and the man says don’t look around, so I don’t. There’s no one on the sidewalk.
And the one guy has a key, and unlocks the door and we walk in, there’s nothing there, just fixtures, and then he has another key and he unlocks the door to the back.
And we walk in.
And I think am I afraid to die? And I think I’m not afraid to die. But then I think no but I’m sorry to die.
By this point Ruthie is no longer stroking his hand, but simply grasping it, unmoving.
And there’s a man in the back room, in a chair, and he has his back to me.
And the room is filled with men, and they’re all looking at him. Unless it’s their job to look at me. But then something must change on his face, because at once they all look at me.
I can see his arm, on the chair. I can see the edge of his sleeve, and I can see his hand. I see the ring on his hand.
And they see me see the ring, all of the men see and then the room is loaded with guns.
And I’m not afraid. And he doesn’t move, an iota, he doesn’t say a thing but suddenly the guns are down and back and away. And then every man leaves the room.
And then for the first time he shifts a little bit and he says I still can’t see his face:
“Is there word?”
And I went cold, literally, all over, literally like I’ve been dunked in ice water.
Because I didn’t know was there word? I never know if there’s word.
I thought no, I don’t think there is word. But then there was word.
RUTHIE: What did you say?
HANANIAH: I said. I sang some of it. That doesn’t happen so often. I said there was glory. I said there was beauty. I said there were arms, and armaments. I don’t remember all of it. I said there is blood sinking into the earth, I said there is a terrible cry, from beyond the city walls, and it freezes men and they sob in their sleep, they wake early, they walk to the cold river just at the dawn. I said there’s a wind in the heights and the women are uneasy. I said these are strange times. I said they are glorious. (Laughs) I started talking about arm wrestling. I said about how your arm is forced all the way over, twisted all the way back and the tabletop is a quarter inch from your knuckle and it seems impossible but even if your arm is weak your heart is strong and you bust it back, you bust it back quarter inch by quarter inch until it surges forward and blam you press your enemy down into the hard wood. I said that there was victory. It’s the clearest I’ve ever said it yet. I said that there was triumph.
I said “you are beloved”
I said that he was blessed.
There is a slightly indecipherable pause.
RUTHIE: And the king was, pleased.
HANANIAH: He said “you can go now,” and from his voice I knew he was in tears.
There is a pause.
They escorted me back to the car and they drove me here. And when we pulled up the guy in the front seat got out and opened the door for me, and when I got out he gave me this.
Pulls bag of coffee beans from paper bag.
These aren’t the beans I was going to buy but they’re more expensive.
RUTHIE: They know where we live?
HANANIAH: It wouldn’t be difficult to find out. I think, no one said anything, but I think. We’ll be able to get the house up country.
RUTHIE: The king is a pig.
Without thinking, he slaps her. They’re both horrified.
HANANIAH: Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god.
RUTHIE: Wow. / (Huh)
HANANIAH: Are you all right?
He moves toward her she steps away. She presses against the side of her cheek, her jaw.
RUTHIE: If only I’d been hysterical. That would have / been just the right thing to do.
HANANIAH: I love you. I love you.
He moves toward her again she holds out a hand warning him back.
RUTHIE: Just stay there for a moment / all right?
He sinks to the earth in front of her.
HANANIAH: I’ve never hurt, I’ve never touched I’ve only, even—
RUTHIE: Okay just shut up. Just. Please. For a moment. Just shut up.
Long silence. The rain.
This is the wrong time to say this, because now it has a very different spin. But what I was going to say, when you were going to come in the door. Or, tonight. I know I was going to say it tonight. Is that I’m leaving.
I was going to say that I’m not leaving you, I’m leaving and I was going to say I so much wish that you’d come with me, but I know you won’t. I did want you to know that this isn’t easy for me, and that actually it breaks my heart.
Mini stunned pause.
HANANIAH: It was a bad, moment. It was a really bad really bad moment.
RUTHIE: No the whole point is that that’s what I was going to say before.
A knock.
They look at each other.
Another knock.
“A house up country.”
HANANIAH: I’m going to get it.
RUTHIE (Low): Don’t get it.
He stops.
Another knock.
Don’t get it.
HANANIAH (Low): If they want to kill me, they’ve already surrounded the block.
He opens the door. A group of people, their faces obscured.
Hananiah steps back, Ruthie steps toward him.
Emily pulls the veil from her face. She and PT and maybe a few other people are supporting an unconscious Jeremiah. He is as before, but someone has slung a black rain slicker onto him; the hood covers his face.
EMILY: I’m sorry about this. You can say no. It’s important that you know that and that’s not, um—I shouldn’t be giving you a choice—there are other options.
PT: Bullshit
HANANIAH: