We Stand before the Mystery of Death and Search for Light.
We come today first of all acknowledging the mystery of life. For all of us there is a sense of shock and denial, some sense of depression, physical symptoms, and even some hostility. Questions run through our minds. Why is there such suffering and pain? Why does God allow such tragedies to happen? These are your questions and my questions. We acknowledge that we cannot understand all of the mystery of life. Suffering and death have no easy word. There is no right word for such a time as this.
But death is not the only mystery of life. So is birth itself. So is the beauty of fall, the coldness of winter, the budding of life in the spring, and the warmth of summer. There is a mystery also in birth and growing, in loving and caring. We can’t understand it all. The buds on the trees in the springtime of the year remind us that life goes on. They have been dormant all through winter, but the warmth of spring brings them back to life. Flowers blossom forth from the seeds and bulbs that have been planted so that we have their loveliness in the summer. No one can explain so easily how life continues or why it ends as it does. There is a deep sense of mystery.
Thankful for the Gift of Life
We also thank God for the gift of life. We thank God for the years shared with Phyllis and Brandon. Family members remember Phyllis when she had a full head of brown curly hair. Family members loved to call her “Baby doll.” When she was young, she loved life, was energetic, filled with laughter, fun-loving and loved to tease her brother and others. She was a caring and affectionate person. She has always been good and faithful to her closest friends. She enjoyed fishing and camping with her family when she was young. She loved her family dearly. As she got older, she seemed to develop a low sense of self-esteem. Although gifted and intelligent, she struggled with her own self-direction in life. One of her songs entitled “Vapors” expresses something of this feeling. Listen to her words and the poetry that she wrote:
Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,
than a shift of sand.
In a world that’s not mine.
I know that I’m
passin’ through
with one secret of life.
It’s all in your mood.
Take stride in your strife. Hey, live your life.
Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,
than a shift of sand.
In a world that’s not mine.
Vaporized beam that I am,
travelling this land.
Let me always be kind,
to that other man in time.
Vaporized beam that I am, no more in time,
than a shift of sand.
In a world that’s not mine.
She did not seem to have enough self-confidence in herself. For some time now, Phyllis became obsessed that someone was going to harm Brandon and her. In her confused emotional state, Phyllis thought that her tragic act would somehow protect them from a greater danger. She loved Brandon deeply, and in her mental sickness she thought she was protecting him. We can never fully get inside her mind but we all know that she wanted most of all to protect Brandon. We know she did not respond in a rational way as you and I see it. She was ill and acted out of her illness.
Brandon was a handsome, warm, affectionate, generous young man. He had lots of friends and loved to be with hem. He was gifted and loved to make things. He loved to put things together. He enjoyed building, especially driving nails. Sometimes he would drive them in trees in the back yard. He was proud recently of getting an ‘A’ in conduct. He loved to play with trains and had several sets. He loved his grandparents and they loved him and cared for him deeply. Clarence recalls just recently Brandon running up behind him and hugging him and asking, “Are you my buddy?” Rose heard his prayers each night and in his own sweet way he offered his prayers for his family and friends. I remember him coming out of church and he would always hug my leg before he left.
Phyllis’ problems drove her inward, but she did turn more to her faith and reached out to God in these last days. One of her poems reflects this quest. It is entitled “Pure Rain.”
All I’ve got
Is this song for you, world.
With all the pain and suffering you’ve endured.
Can not peace and pain blend in the rain?
So that God’s World will not be stained.
Can the people’s blood, sweat and labor make a difference?
Or will it, all be in vain?
Surely to God,
in the end.
All the suffering will blend in the rain.
Countries forever warring.
Jealousy, Hate and Greed.
In the end, all they
will have achieved,
is blood and suffering in the rain.
Can the people come to peace?
Swallow their hate and pride.
Cannot man learn to love,
and set war and anger aside?
C’mon people, I know there must be a way,
come to terms,
and forget the pain,
and put peace and love,
in pure rain.
We will miss them. Life will not be the same. But just as the sun leaves an afterglow when it sets in the west, so Phyllis and Brandon left an afterglow from their lives that will remain in our heart and memory.
The Goodness of God
And we continue to affirm the goodness of God, even in the face of death. We reaffirm our faith today in the goodness of God and rest on the conviction that his love is eternal and strong. God created life out of his love and he sustains it. We do not know why God has created the possibility of tragedies like this happening. They are a part of the universe God has created. Without the possibility of suffering and pain, there could be no growth or maturing. We know that God does not deliberately send these things upon us. Today, like a small child, we place our hand in the hand of God to lean upon him for trust and strength. We know our strength is not enough.
The Valley of Grief
Next, we know, and won’t forget, that family and friends are walking through a dark valley of grief. But we come to this valley of grief armed with the assurance that God is present with us. A favorite writer of mine, Harry Emerson Fosdick, who went through a deeply personal tragic experience, wrote once: “It was the most terrifying wilderness I ever traveled through. I dreadfully wanted to commit suicide. But instead I made one of the most vital discoveries in my life, I found God in a desert.” Sometimes our deepest insights are discovered in the valley. We find that in the midst of despair, pain, and suffering that God is there. Even when we do not know it or feel it, He is there. We grieve but we grieve not as those who have no hope. We grieve with a sense of trust in the presence of God who is with us. Phyllis expresses something of her trust in the poem entitled, “Miracle Man.”
Did you walk across the water, Lord? Just to prove to me.
That you can always be there, in my hour of need.
Did you multiply the loaves of bread? Just so man might see.