Power Retrieval
If you are not dealing with your emotions and the unresolved trauma trapped inside of your body, you are revictimizing yourself. Being sick and hurt is the single greatest way we gain power over others, because what happens when we get sick and hurt? Everyone comes to our rescue. We get our power back. There is a big fear about addressing this truth. In fact, my editors were concerned that by making this controversial statement about how horrible illnesses, diseases, poor relationships, and careers are somehow self-imposed that I might alienate my readers. Although it’s not in my best interest to address this, the science backs it up. But I understand why we don’t want to hear it—because right now, it is the only way we know how to overcome the trauma we suffered. We refuse to see the reality because we need the power we get from being the victim; it is the only coping skill we know. We can only do what we know. And that is precisely why I chose to write this book. It is time we face our denial and learn another way.
Can New Ideas Really Help?
Offering a new way can be met with skepticism. In the book Molecules of Emotion, Candace Pert recounts what happened to Hungarian doctor Ignaz Semmelweis in the 1840s. He practiced in an obstetrics ward in Vienna and noticed,
The impoverished women who were under the care of hospital midwives were not nearly as susceptible to fatal childbed fever as were the wealthier women, who were cared for by doctors, and he figured out that the discrepancy could be due to the fact that the doctors were not washing their hands before examining the women. Since the doctors were on a daily schedule that took them straight from the morgue, where they did research, to the obstetrics ward, where they performed their examinations, their hands were often still covered with the blood and germs of the corpses when they saw their patients—but nobody knew of the existence of germs then… As an experiment, Semmelweis tried washing his hands before seeing patients, with the result that his patients no longer contracted the dreaded fever. But when he implored his colleagues to do the same, they scoffed and laughed, paying no attention to his seemingly outrageous idea. Finally, in 1862 in a desperate attempt to make his point, he cut off one of his fingers and plunged his hand into the open belly of one of the corpses, only to develop a fever and die within a few days. (p. 223, Molecules of Emotion)
It can take time to accept new ways of looking at things because of the Worst Day Cycle. It causes us to scoff at anything that is new or that threatens our status quo. Throughout this book, you will be challenged to “wash your hands.” Your health and happiness will be determined by your ability to do that.
It’s Time to Share the Truth
The trauma and feelings I experienced after discovering my mom in the bathroom sowed the seeds for this book. It has taken me years to research and understand fully what happened and what it all means. I am finally at a
place where I can share it with you. I am not perfect. I have blind spots in my Worst Day Cycle. None of this is a race to the finish line; it’s a process. I continue to experience shame and denial, but if something bad is happening in my life, I look at myself first before judging or blaming others. As a result, I rediscover the authentic child who was lost that night and get more freedom, joy, and spontaneity in my life.
| Your Journey to Success Steps 1.The first step to success is to accept that you have experienced trauma and that when you don’t address it, it keeps you from the life you want. 2.What feeling comes up when you consider making a change that you logically know will make your life better? If you feel fear, procrastination, or are overwhelmed, those felings stem from your trauma. 3.Choose to become an expert in whatever feelings come up. This expertise will give you an opportunity to bridge the gap to all of the wonderful success processes and books out there. Without that expertise, at some point your original feelings will pop back up and stop you from following all of their incredible advice. Ultimately, underlying that feeling is our fear of success. Make a choice to confront it. |
CHAPTER TWO
THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION
Getting stuck in our worst day ever is our brain’s fault. But before I get into that, it’s helpful to know a bit about how our brains work.
How the Brain Works
Our brains are small, but mighty. Besides doing the physical things like regulating our body’s temperature and heart rate and giving us the ability to see, feel, taste, and touch, the brain controls our emotions and how we think. Up until the late 1970s, we didn’t know much about the connection between our brains and body when it came to stress and trauma. Candace Pert, a molecular biologist, helped identify a fundamental element of brain chemistry as a graduate student. While working at Johns Hopkins University of Medicine, she and a team of researchers discovered the opiate receptor, which is the brain’s receptor that opiates like morphine fit into and bond with cells in our body. This helped change the way the scientific community looked at how the human body functions. As it turns out, thoughts and feelings release chemicals throughout our bodies that cause actual chemical reactions, proving that the mind-body connection is real.
Think of our brains as a complex computer system that continually sends and receives information. The biggest portion of our brain is the cerebrum, which is divided into two hemispheres and has three sections known as the forebrain, midbrain, and hindbrain. In our midbrain, our thalamus, which is part of the limbic system, takes in information. This is where almost all nerves that connect our brain and body meet. The thalamus diagnoses different sensory information transmitted to the brain through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. It acts like a traffic cop directing all incoming information. In addition, the thalamus is the emotional control center of our brain. In any situation, it sends signals to our body when a physical response is required. The thalamus also sends information to the prefrontal cortex, whose job is to assess, plan, and make choices. Most importantly, it sends a signal to the hypothalamus, which monitor’s critical internal body functions like temperature, hormones, blood sugar, appetite, sleep, thirst, blood pressure, immune system response, and metabolism. Consider this our state of balance—the “norm” of our brain, body, and mind.
Our Brain’s Role in Emotions
For our discussion, we will focus on the brain’s role in our emotions. When we experience life, the hypothalamus creates the necessary chemical cocktail that causes us to feel the way we do. For example, when we see our spouse, our hypothalamus secretes a chemical concoction that tells our brain, body, and mind how we feel physically and emotionally. That feeling then generates the thoughts that follow. Simply put, our feelings are just a bunch of chemicals in our brain that get fired repeatedly. We’ll want to keep this concept in mind as we learn about ways to get out of the Worst Day Cycle.
Our midbrain is also home to our amygdala, which plays an essential role in the processing of memory, decision-making, and emotional reactions. The right amygdala evokes negative emotions like fear and sadness while the left induces either pleasant or unpleasant emotions. When our thalamus gathers incoming data, it runs everything by the amygdala first. The amygdala acts as an alarm system, as it reviews all new information and determines whether or not it is a threat. Perceived threats trigger