Buddy's Universe - A Beagle's Life Book I. BuzzzzOff

said that, I really do not mind too much as long as they keep feeding me.

      Everyone likes me. The Human Beings called girls in my neighborhood really like me. Do not take my word for it…just ask them. Daddy calls me The StudBud. Daddy says I am lucky to have too many “girlfriends”. I do not understand. He makes it sound important, and he always smiles when he says it. I guess that is good. Someday I will understand.

      In the meantime, I guess I have a pretty cool life. I am not sure I know what that means, but Mummy and Daddy tell me I do.

      But it did not start out that way.

      Mental Masturbation - Life is too short to take too seriously

      I know Human Beings take life very seriously. They easily get angry; they shoot guns at and drop nuclear bombs on each other; they compete for awards and money without consideration for, well, anyone or thing; they create passports, visas and borders to refuse others entry into their countries; they build walls around their houses to avoid dealing with their neighbours; they bully each other on social media (pleased I do not have thumbs!); they…well, I hope you get the picture.

      Beagles, at least this one, are very different. I pretty much like every breathing creature I meet…even cockroaches, which Mummy says I should not sniff and lick!

      I mean, c’mon, folks, lighten up. You only are on this planet for a short-time. I think your focus, as is mine, should be on having fun.

      I think, nay, I know life is too short to take too seriously.

      Mental Masturbation - Patience is a tempting virtue...

      I really like when my parents let me sip some of their wine. They like good wine…or at least I think it is good wine…then again, I know nothing about wine!

      In any event, my Daddy often looks at a bottle, sighs and says “patience is a tempting virtue”.

      I think he means he needs to be patient and not open the particular bottle because it is too young and will taste better in several years.

      Equally, he says it is that decision to wait, i.e. patience, which apparently is a virtue.

      Very interesting. I decided to look up the word “patience”, which is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay without becoming annoyed or anxious.

      Hmmm…I think it is fair to say he is accepting and tolerating of the delay and I know he is not annoyed (he is smiling), but I do know he is anxious every time he touches one of those bottles.

      I guess that is the “tempting” part and his virtue is demonstrated by not popping ’n pouring too young.

      Human Beings have to make so many difficult decisions.

      If I had thumbs, I would pop ’n gulp that bad boy quicker than a New York minute…whatever that is!!!

      Mental Masturbation - Pros and Cons of being married to me

      My Daddy said to my Mummy the other day:

      “Did you know there are pros and cons of being married to me?”

      She said, “Really? Shocking? Do tell?"

      He said, "Con: I am an asshole. Pro: I am your asshole."

      Mummy rolled her eyes (some day I want to learn that trick), hugged me closer, kissed me and said, “Well, then I guess I am really blessed to have Buddy.”

      Thanks, Daddy…I think you forgot the other, more important, “pro”…I get hugs and kisses from Mummy!

      By the way, what is an “asshole”?

      Mental Masturbation - Non-Christians need not apply

      I do not know if I am a Christian. I guess that means I cannot move to Slovakia because their government announced the other day that it only wanted Christians to migrate to their country. I guess I am OkeyDokey with that since I do not know if I am Christian and I do not know where is Slovakia.

      I thought the interesting part of the story was the purported reason for the government’s position. Basically, Slovakia only has a tiny Muslim community and very few mosques so it would be difficult for people of that faith to integrate.

      I wonder if before there were Christians in Slovakia - probably when it was Czechoslovakia - if it was difficult for the non-existent Christian community with no churches to integrate with whatever religion existed at the time? I thought these sort of shortages is exactly the foundation of creating a country of welcoming people seeking to develop a diverse and rich culture, i.e. start small and build slowly and with respect for others in accordance with the laws of the people.

      Funny thing is the government spokesperson did not mention Jews, Buddhists, Atheists, etc.

      I guess he does not know any people who practice those religions…if his government has its way, then I guess he also will not know too many Muslims.

      I kinda think that is sad, but Beagles do not care too much about their religion…as long as the private parts smell good, the food tastes yummy and our beds are comfortable, we are good.

      I think Beagles are very nice…I am not too sure about Human Beings!

      Buddy’s Blog - The Beginning

      As far as I know, I was born in a horribly loud and smelly place where big, long pieces of medal standing on rubber circles would visit all the time. All the time! Human Beings call them “trucks”. I call them ugly…they need makeup!!!

      I was living in a small cage. Really small. I do not think I could fit in it now. It was very bad for my sleep, which is why I think I stopped growing and I am smaller than a lot of other dogs. Even other Beagles. That is OkeyDokey as I am not very good at sports, especially basketball!

      Human Beings, mostly called boys or men with the occasional girls or ladies, ride these trucks into the area where my cage is located, put a piece of long, thin medal in a hole on one side of the truck, stand there, take it out, put another piece of metal over the hole, give paper to one of the boys and leave. Someone called it “filling up the tank with petrol”. It looks very boring. Sometimes they walk over to my cage and say things I do not understand. They smell bad...even the Human Beings they call girls or ladies. I do not like them.

      Anyhow, after many times seeing this happen, I have decided this is the way the trucks eat and drink. They do not seem to enjoy eating and drinking like I do. My tail moves sideways very quickly when I eat and drink. I do not know why. It hurts when my tail hits the cage, but I cannot stop. Very confusing…and a little bit painful…and I still cannot stop!

      I do know it is very boring sitting in a cage, listening to noise, smelling bad things, getting a little – not enough - food and water most days and not being able to stop moving my tail even when it hurts.

      Life sucks.