Oblivious of Susan's internal breakdown, Jeremy positioned himself behind her on the couch to watch the movie, and not so subtly put his hand under her top, on her stomach. After a few minutes he began to gently rub the area, with each stroke becoming wider until his hand brushed against her bra. For Jeremy, this procedure was a tried and true method of gauging how far his girlfriend was willing to let him go, and in the process, how far she wanted to go.
Once this charade began, Susan could usually decide rather quickly, but tonight was different. Jeremy's hand did feel good on her skin. She had been a willing participant in this game many times before, knowing that Jeremy had only one thing on his mind. The alcohol was supposed to give her strength to say, "No," to his sexual advances and their relationship. She knew Jeremy's next move would be to unclasp her bra, and if she allowed that it was like giving him the green light, which she didn't want to do.
Jeremy almost professionally unsnapped Susan's bra. Yes!
What am I doing? Susan thought. Now there's no turning back. One thing would lead to another and soon they'd be sprawled across the couch, moaning into each other's ears. One would say, "I love you," to which the other person would reply, "I love you, too." Sometimes it was as if the words were merely thrown in for effect.
Soon Jeremy's hand was at her jean button, which he expertly popped and then undid her zipper - all in one smooth motion. As he slid his hand under the waistband of her panties, he turned her over and began to kiss her.
I don't want to do this! Susan's mind was cautioning, but her physical desires were fighting her emotions. She enjoyed being with Jeremy like this. His hands on her skin and her hands exploring his body. Tonight was not right though. I don't love him! This isn't making love, it's cheap sex!
Jeremy was unaware of the volcano about to erupt. As usual, everything had gone according to plan and after a respectful rendition of those three magic words, he'd drive home how lucky Susan was to have him.
Susan couldn't kid herself any longer. As Jeremy uttered, "Susan, I love . . ." she shoved him away, her arms flailing in all directions.
"What are you doing?" Jeremy asked, losing his balance and crashing unceremoniously to the floor.
"Leave me alone!" Tears streamed down Susan's cheeks as she covered her exposed body, fumbling with her bra.
Jeremy couldn't believe his eyes. He stood up, watching Susan pull her jeans over her hips. "Have you gone crazy?"
Jeremy's question only further infuriated Susan.
"Who do you think you are, Jeremy? The king of the castle? The charmed prince? Tell me - I really want to know!"
Jeremy remained in shock. What went wrong? "Look, Susan," he said in a calmer voice, "I don't know what's happening here. I want to help you though, really I do."
"That's a laugh," Susan yelled. "You only help yourself! If there is nothing in it for Jeremy Atkins, then it's not worth doing, right?"
"Hold on a minute," Jeremy said, frustrated by the evening's odd turn of events. "If you're talking about what happened on the couch, don't be so critical. You were enjoying it and you know it!" Jeremy marched to the liquor cabinet and poured a stiff drink. Susan collapsed on the couch. "If you didn't want to do anything, why didn't you stop me, huh? It would've been a lot easier than this bullshit!"
"You don't get it, do you? It wasn't the sex - it was you! I didn't want to do it with you." She pulled her head from her hands and glared at Jeremy.
"What do you mean? Of course it was me. There's no one else in the house," Jeremy said in an amused voice, trying to lighten the tension that engulfed them.
"I don't love you anymore, Jeremy. That's what I have been trying to tell you all night." Susan felt relieved that she'd finally got it out in the open. She was free at last. "I'm sorry."
The emotional weight that Susan had been carrying landed squarely on Jeremy's shoulders. His hand shook as he took a mouthful of liquor. He couldn't believe what she was saying. It sounds like she’s breaking up with me. That would be social suicide! Why would she want to do that? I'm Jeremy Atkins!
"Look, babe," he said, approaching her cautiously, "you don't know what you're saying. You might have had too much to drink. I'm sure by tomorrow you'll forget all of this."
Susan headed to the front door. "I want to go home, Jeremy. Are you going to drive me, or do I have to walk?"
"Hold on, Susan, we can work this out - you don't have to rush home." He coaxed her back to the couch. "If you don't tell me what's wrong, how am I supposed to know what's the matter?"
"I told you," she said, a new round of tears welling up.
"You said you don't love me anymore," Jeremy countered. "What do you mean by that? I already apologized for messing around tonight. It's not like it is the first time that happened."
Susan's emotions were in hurricane mode, no longer knowing what she meant or how she was going to get home. Still, she needed to remain strong and not hurt Jeremy's feelings.
"Look," she said, making her way to the door again, "I told you how I feel and you'll just have to accept that."
"You said you don't love me! How can I accept that? What happened - did you find another guy? Are you dumping me for him? Is that it?"
"I knew you'd say that, Jeremy!" she replied, trying to hold back her anguish. "Instead of blaming me, for once why don't you look at your flaws? You're not perfect!"
The front door slammed shut, leaving Jeremy to mull over what had occurred. A few more drinks would be required.
Susan soon found herself on a park bench near Jeremy's house. She hadn't planned on getting him angry. Why did he have to accuse her of cheating and why had she said those things to him?
Susan remained in the park for an hour, wondering what it would be like when the sun rose in the morning, if it rose at all. She'd finally done something she wanted to do, and not because someone had told her to do it. In that way, she felt satisfied. It was the hurt and worry that was troubling her.
How will Jeremy act toward me now? What will he say behind my back? What friends will he turn against me?
She didn't want to think about these questions, but couldn't stop, either. This is for the best. If he tells any lies about me, I'll tell some about him!
After several drinks at home, Jeremy headed to Burt's to check out the action. None of his friends would be there, but he remembered asking that hitchhiker to meet him at 11:00. Dale looked like a man who'd seen the world and had conquered women at every stop. He might be the best person to talk to regarding Susan, being totally objective, not really knowing them at all. What would he have to gain from that information anyway? He was only going to be in town a couple days.
Jeremy decided to walk to Burt's. The night air might help him decipher what Susan meant by her bizarre outburst earlier.
Surely it was the alcohol talking, he concluded.
***
Burt's was a quarter full, made up of the usual Friday night crowd. "Jer, how's it going?" someone asked as he made his way to the bar. He ignored the question, pushing forward, and relieved to see Burt mixing drinks.
"Burt," Jeremy said, taking a seat on a stool. "Give me a couple of your Irish Monkeys."
"As in two?" Burt asked. "Are you sure you want to completely erase tonight from your memory?"
"Definitely!"
Burt turned to the mini-fridge for a pre-mixed concoction, paused and faced Jeremy. "You didn't drive that new motorcycle of yours here?"
"No. I want to forget tonight, not try and kill myself."
"Glad to hear it." Burt poured the drinks