Hineni: My Walk Into Beautiful Life. S. Joshua Mendel

in class with Ken was a unique experience. It didn't matter what the title of the class was; that was just the starting point. Depending upon the comments and questions of the students and the connections Ken might make in his head (just his head?), the class moved back and forth through the Course's canon. A very ordered person, this would normally bother me. But something inside told me that it really didn't matter; that we were learning what we collectively needed to learn. Or to state it a different way: Ken and we came together and asked to learn, so Jesus was the teacher.

      OK, some hero worship here. It felt to me that when I saw Ken, I was seeing Jesus in the flesh. When his eyes locked on me, I felt that he was looking at me and only me with total love. Ken showed infinite patience answering questions. It seems to me he modeled "the silent smile of Jesus": the smile of one who saw challenges, frustrations, and pain in the so-called real world, yet knew nothing was happening; that all of this was a dream. I remember one class where a long-time student basically let fly his frustration with the Course, Jesus, and even Ken as the teacher. (I recognized his voice from DVDs I purchased of past lectures.) Ken did not stop the rant nor did he show emotion. I could feel the total love Ken had for this man. Ken just said to the man he loved him right where he was, and that when this man was ready to let go of his ego and his fears over union with God, the love he deserved would come to him. Wow!

      Theism dies hard. I was a student for at least five years when I first met Ken. On our first meeting, Ken asked me what my favorite Workbook lesson was. I was especially attracted to Lesson 194 in the Workbook: "I place my life in the hands of God." After hearing my answer, with my hand still in his, he said to me with what I heard as The Voice: "Come on, all of this is metaphorical. God doesn't have any hands! The goal of the lesson is to let go of the ego's attachment to the past and the obsession over the future, to join with God." I heard The Voice follow in my mind: "Finally you get it… it's the first day of school!"

      From that point on, I began to comprehend the Course in a totally new way. . . I trust the way it was intended!

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      Despite its seeming inflexibility, the Course offers me the freedom to choose—even if I pay for it when I don't choose rightly. Jesus is very upfront in stating that this is not the only curriculum to Grace. If this Course fails to assist me in my Search there are other ways. Jesus is quite clear that you needn't accept him in order to work the Course or to reach Grace, because he is not the only teacher. The Text is not some Bible. In fact, one of the most powerful quotes in the Text goes: "Leave this book behind, leave everything you know and come to me with open arms."

      Despite how central the Course is to my growth in Grace, I can and do compartmentalize it. I don't act all or most of the time as if I ever read a word of it! My first thought is not the one Jesus would approve. . . if he judged. To my salvation, I know that my first thought will rarely be the right-minded one.

      And now I have the ability to pause; to Listen and re-act rather than react.