Hearts Beat Strong. B. M. Fischer

the contents. It was produced by FEMA. Apparently my roommate and I have been assigned to a FEMA camp located some twenty miles away. In the event of a national emergency, we should seek shelter there.

      Moving on to the envelopes, I see one addressed to me from the city. I read through the letter and see that it is regarding my bus pass. Apparently I can get next year’s pass for free if I participate in the iris-scanning program the city is implementing next year. If I participate, instead of carrying a card, cameras at the bus door will scan and recognize my eyes. The letter says the program will improve public transportation safety and cut down on costs in the long run.

      As I walk back into my apartment, I throw all the mail onto the ground and head into my room. I just don’t care about anything anymore. I go into the cabinet in my bathroom and locate a bottle of painkillers that I got from a friend. After taking a few of the pills, I lie back in bed and hope I can sleep.

      The painkillers calm down my body and release endorphins from every muscle. It feels good, but my mind is still full of horrible thoughts. I think of crashing my car or drowning. I think of how my father won’t even talk to me now. My heart feels like it has been shattered into a thousand pieces and replaced with an endless blackness.

      I get up out of bed and take off my t-shirt, the only item of clothing I had on. I walk slowly and lightly into my bathroom and study myself. I see my long, brunette hair and shining green eyes. My eyes shine just a little brighter as tears swell up from inside of them before flowing down my cheeks. I pick up a kitchen knife that’s sitting on my bathroom sink and feel how sharp the blade is. I hear my voice in my head.

      “You’re a whore.”

      “Why do I keep letting guys use me like this?”

      “God hates you.” I press the sharp steel blade against the back of my right hand and pull it across several times, twisting it as I do so. It cuts the skin open and I bleed. I bleed.