I was on the threshold of understanding these sorts of “spiritual” concepts. Deciding to follow John Roger's advice and “let go” the girls was an extremely traumatic time for me, and I shed many tears. It continued to be difficult for another couple of weeks and then all of a sudden I felt comfortable about it and it's been fine since then. Of course it doesn't mean I don't think of the girls and the good times we shared.
Now I just send my love and light any time that they come into my mind. I imagine my love being like a ray of light or a ray of energy or something like that. My love goes along that ray of energy and they get it somehow or another and it also gets back to me. How it happens I don't know. One thing I do know is that when you try to explain concepts such as these you pretty quickly get to the limits of what language can actually communicate.
I came to the realisation through this that if I was capable of sending my love to the girls then I had to be able to love myself before I could share it with others. It was the same compelling logic that applied to forgiveness. So right now the biggest change I had to make was to learn to love myself. If you try to love others but haven't got sufficient love for yourself then it's not real, true, love you are giving out. It might be a form of love, an honest attempt at love, but it will be limited. Think of it like a water tank with a tap at the bottom. The water in the tank is like the love in you. If the tank is only half full and the tap is turned on then the water, the love in the tank, will soon run out. If the water in the tank is brimming full or overflowing, then the tap can be turned on and the water be allowed to gush out lavishly. So it may be with human love. Loving yourself is that important! And what is loving yourself? Basically it's taking responsibility for yourself – for your own growth.
And what's the major obstacle? .... Oh ourselves, our mind, our subconscious mind. Our patterns – our belief patterns, the way we think, the way we've been brought up, that's the major obstacle and that's not easy to handle. Sometimes there are things that we've just got to let come up, let them work out and let them go.
Having accepted and practised all these things, the acceptance of myself, the forgiveness of myself and the love of myself, I could then turn to applying these concepts to others. Acceptance, love, forgiveness. I forgave others around me who have caused me anxiety in my life. That wasn't too hard, but then it got down to the guy who murdered the girls and his forgiveness. Not until I'd done all the other forgiving and loving could I even approach that subject because, deep down, it was still tied up with the revenge bit. So in the process of forgiving the person that's involved I must say that I have rationalised it to some extent and have turned it into a problem that may well be a little bit easier for me than others in a similar position. My rationalisation was that this person was mentally unbalanced, deranged, and as such, he's not really with us, he's got something else that's taken him over, he's like another energy. And so, eventually, I was able to forgive, forgive the man who took the lives of my daughters.
It has all been an amazing journey of self discovery. A journey in which I discovered the potential of the human mind and spirit to overcome great distress. I became aware of the existence of an entire portion of our world which had hardly been touched upon in my formal education and career experience. I became aware of my own inner strength, and by knowing about this, I became aware of the inner strength of others about me. Now I look for it and see it in others all the time.
The experience has changed my life, it has made it much fuller. The new discoveries I have made have not required me to cast out any of the old tools that I previously learnt about logic, analytical thought and the scientific method. It has enabled me to take on board this new body of knowledge in a way that coexists with what I knew before.
There is an idea that is contained in the Baha'i writings – it is that science and religion are complimentary, they need each other to achieve the correct balance. Science, by itself, will get lost in the quagmire of worldly materialism. Religion, by itself, will get lost in superstition. Science and religion together give the balance, rather like the two wings of a bird in flight. The bird cannot fly with one wing, it needs two to achieve the balance. It appeals to me to paraphrase this Baha'i idea. In the world in which we live the logical processes of the conscious mind and the contemplative processes of the subconscious mind compliment each other. Logic, by itself will get lost in the quagmire of worldly materialism. Meditation, by itself can get lost in mumbo jumbo and superstition. Use of the conscious and the subconscious mind together gives the balance just like the two wings of the bird in flight.
Awareness of both can create an incredible power of inner strength and my life and work are now dedicated to helping others achieve their strength. I have come to see my role now as one who can coach others. Take the analogy of a famous Olympic athlete or swimmer who excels in their event. That person has had a unique experience in life. What does the swimmer do with that experience when it is over? Does he/she just go back home to take up where life left off before the swimming began? Or does that swimmer use that experience to help others, to become their coach? I think the best way is to help others. And this is the way I see my role today. I have had a unique experience, one that was not pleasant and one which I dearly wish had never happened. But there is no taking it back – it is a part of my life. So what do I do with it? Do I just go back into the manufacturing industry and take up where life left off before all this began? Or do I use that experience to help others, to become their “coach”? For me the best way is to help others. I like the challenge of leadership.
I know that I am not by myself in this reaction to a personal crisis. In Sydney alone, without thinking about the rest of Australia, there is a small band of people like myself who are using their experience to help others. When we expand our vision beyond Sydney and beyond Australia to the whole world I reckon we form the nucleus of a vast movement of people dedicated to coaching others. My life is dedicated to this purpose.
I continually use Sandy's PP techniques in many ways, but primarily in my cue sport (eightball) and health. After winning local competitions, a great highlight for me was to beat Eddie Charlton in a best of three matches in December 1992. I beat him 2 to nil and have his autographed cue and video of the matches to prove it! I told everyone I would beat the world champion and current Australian Champion and said “I could see his cue on my wall”. That's there, and now there's another. In February 1994 I had a rematch with Eddie and was lucky enough to win for a second time against him, 2/1. This was an important match as it proved the first win was not just luck. I won the first game and Eddie the second. In the last game Eddie broke the balls and then I potted all 7 coloured balls and the black in a row to win.
Glenn Connor, Victoria
A note from Sandy: Glenn is truly inspirational – despite being confined to a wheelchair following a serious motorcycle accident 14 years ago when he was 17 years old he has competed and triumphed against some of the best pool, snooker, eightball and nineball players in Australia.
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LETTING GO
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An important point of my story is that there comes a time when we all need to let go. The things we need to let go vary from person to person but before I expand on this let me tell an interesting story about letting go.
In my book Piece of Mind I describe the story about how monkeys are caught and “give up their lives rather than let go a peanut.” Here's another monkey story – this time in the Kalahari desert.
There are areas of thick vegetation in the desert – like an oasis. Monkeys abound and of course there must be water, but that water is very difficult to find. The monkeys stay away from the water whenever any humans are around as though they, the monkeys, understand that water is a scarce commodity. The Kalahari tribe want the monkey