Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook. Tommy Jones

in Minneapolis for over three decades. He and Tommy Jones created and began to facilitate the Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries support group at the TCMC in April of 2004. The Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries group has been meeting weekly since that time and developed sufficient interest to generate a second group, which began meeting in St. Paul in 2010. Scores of men have participated in these groups over the years. At the time of this writing there are six trained facilitators servicing these groups.

      Bobby was recognized for his community service with the Ron Hering Award, granted on January 15, 2011 by the Minnesota ManKind Project. He and Tommy also received a Distinguished Service Award granted by the MNATSA in 2013 in recognition of their contributions to keeping our community safe.

      What this Handbook is and is not

      We are not therapists. And this is not a therapy-based handbook, just as our support groups are not therapy groups. Suggestions you find within these pages will include seeking the help of a therapist, counselor or other mental-health care professional. And while we believe that most of us need some form of professional assistance when we undertake substantive behavioral change, it will not come from this book. We will not tell you what to, how to, or when to do anything. Nor will we insist that you need to, have to, should, ought or must do anything specific in order change and improve. And neither is this a workbook. It does not include exercises, charts or graphs, assignments, data spreadsheets, list compilations, journaling requirements or personal inventories. Of course, these techniques can all be helpful and productive when used correctly and consistently. Pursue them if you find them helpful or think they could be so. A man, new to our group and after his first visit, once asked, “...well, aren’t you going to tell me what to do?” “Afraid not...” was our answer. Just as we do not prescribe behavior in our groups, neither does this book.

      What this handbook will do, however, is provide suggestions, choices and options for establishing healthier boundaries, and support you in your journey to achieve them. Many of these suggestions are actually tools and strategies that men have successfully incorporated into their lives. We have seen them work; they have worked for us. Is the list of tools exhaustive? Nope. Lots of room exists for each of us to add new stuff. Will you use all of them? We doubt it. You may try them all, but some will fit better than others. Some will supply you with stronger support and more lasting success. Use this handbook as a sourcebook of ideas... but do not use it as a substitute for professional care, or as your only source of guidance.