The Essential George Gissing Collection. George Gissing. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: George Gissing
Издательство: Ingram
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Жанр произведения: Контркультура
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9781456613723
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for a long time," answered Olga, her countenance falling. "I sent her the new address when I came here, but she hasn't been yet."

      "Why don't you go to her?"

      "No! I've broken with that world. I can't make calls in Bryanston Square--or anywhere else. That's all over."

      "Nonsense!"

      "It isn't nonsense!" exclaimed Olga, flushing angrily. "Why do you come to interfere with me? What right have you, Irene? I'm old enough to live as I please. I don't come to criticise your life!"

      Irene was startled into silence for a moment. She met her cousin's look, and so gravely, so kindly, that Olga turned away in shame.

      "You and I used to be friends, and to have confidence in each other," resumed Irene. "Why can't that come over again? Couldn't you tell me what it all means, dear?"

      The other shook her head, keeping her eyes averted.

      "My first reason for coming," Irene pursued, "was to talk to you about your mother. Do you know that she is very far from well? My father speaks very seriously of her state of health. Something is weighing on her mind, as anyone can see, and we think it can only be _you_--your strange life, and your neglect of her."

      Olga shook her head.

      "You're mistaken, I know you are."

      "You know? Then can you tell us how to be of use to her? To speak plainly, my father fears the worst, if something isn't done."

      With elbow on knee, and chin in hand, Olga sat brooding. She had a dishevelled, wild appearance; her cheeks were hollow, her eyes and lips expressed a reckless mood.

      "It is not on my account," she let fall, abstractedly.

      "Can you help her, Olga?"

      "No one can help her," was the reply in the same dreamy tone.

      Then followed a long silence. Irene gazed at one of the flaring grotesques on the wall, but did not see it.

      "May I ask you a question about your own affairs?" she said at length, very gently. "It isn't for curiosity. I have a deeper interest."

      "Of course you may ask Irene. I'm behaving badly to you, but I don't mean it. I'm miserable--that's what it comes to."

      "I can see that, dear. Am I right in thinking that your engagement has been broken off?"

      "I'll tell you; you shall know the whole truth. It isn't broken; yet I'm sure it'll never come to anything. I don't think I want it to. He behaves so strangely. You know we were to have been married after the twelvemonth, with mother's consent. When the time drew near, I saw he didn't wish it. He said that after all he was afraid it would be a miserable marriage for me. The trouble is, he has no character, no will. He cares for me a great deal; and that's just why he won't marry me. He'll never do anything--in art, I mean. We should have to live on mother's money, and he doesn't like that. If we had been married straight away, as I wanted, two years ago, it would have been all right. It's too late now."

      "And this, you feel, is ruining your life?"

      "I'm troubled about it, but more on his account than mine. I'll tell you, Irene, I want to break off, for good and all, and I'm afraid. It's a hard thing to do."

      "Now I understand you. Do you think"--Irene added in another tone--"that it's well to be what they call in love with the man one marries?"

      "Think? Of course I do!"

      "Many people doubt it. We are told that French marriages are often happier than English, because they are arranged with a practical view, by experienced people."

      "It depends," replied Olga, with a half-disdainful smile, "what one calls happiness. I, for one, don't want a respectable, plodding, money-saving married life. I'm not fit for it. Of course some people are."

      "Then, you could never bring yourself to marry a man you merely liked--in a friendly way?"

      "I think it horrible, hideous!" was the excited reply. "And yet"--her voice dropped--"it may not be so for some women. I judge only by myself."

      "I suspect, Olga, that some people are never in love--never could be in that state."

      "I daresay, poor things!"

      Irene, though much in earnest, was moved to laugh.

      "After all, you know," she said, "they have less worry."

      "Of course they have, and live more useful lives, if it comes to that."

      "A useful life isn't to be despised, you know."

      Olga looked at her cousin; so fixedly that Irene had to turn away, and in a moment spoke as though changing the subject.

      "Have you heard that Mr. Otway is coming to England again?"

      "What!" cried Olga with sudden astonishment. "You are thinking of _him_--of Piers Otway?"

      Irene became the colour of the rose; her eyes flashed with annoyance.

      "How extraordinary you are, Olga! As if one couldn't mention anyone without that sort of meaning! I spoke of Mr. Otway by pure accident. He had nothing whatever to do with what I was saying before."

      Olga sank into dulness again, murmuring, "I beg your pardon." When a minute had elapsed in silence, she added, without looking up, "He was dreadfully in love with you, poor fellow. I suppose he has got over it."

      An uncertain movement, a wandering look, and Miss Derwent rose. She stood before one of the rough-washed posters, seeming to admire it; Olga eyed her askance, with curiosity.

      "I know only one thing," Irene exclaimed abruptly, without turning. "It's better not to think too much about all that."

      "How _can_ one think too much of it?" said the other.

      "Very easily, I'm afraid," rejoined the other, her eyes still on the picture.

      "It's the only thing in life _worth_ thinking about!"

      "You astonish me. We'll agree to differ--Olga dear, come and see us in the old way. Come and dine this evening; we shall be alone."

      But the unkempt girl was not to be persuaded, and Irene presently took her leave. The conversation had perturbed her; she went away in a very unwonted frame of mind, beset with troublesome fancies and misgivings. Olga's state seemed to her thoroughly unwholesome, to be regarded as a warning; it was evidently contagious; it affected the imagination with morbid allurement. Morbid, surely; Irene would not see it in any other light. She felt the need of protecting herself against thoughts which had never until now given her a moment's uneasiness. Happily she was going to lunch with her friend Mrs. Borisoff, anything but a sentimental person. She began to discern a possibility of taking Helen Borisoff into her confidence. With someone she _must_ talk freely; Olga would only harm her; in Helen she might find the tonic of sound sense which her mood demanded.

      Olga Hannaford, meanwhile, finished her toilet, and, having had no breakfast, went out a little after midday to the restaurant in Oxford Street where she often lunched. Her walking-dress showed something of the influence of Miss Bonnicastle; it was more picturesque, more likely to draw the eye, than her costume of former days. She walked, too, with an air of liberty which marked her spiritual progress. Women glanced at her and looked away with a toss of the head--or its more polite equivalent. Men observed her with a smile of interest; "A fine girl," was their comment, or something to that effect.

      Strolling westward after her meal, intending to make a circuit by way of Edgware Road, she was near the Marble Arch when a man who had caught sight of her from the top of an omnibus alighted and hastened in her direction. At the sound of his voice, Olga paused, smiling, and gave him her