The Essential George Gissing Collection. George Gissing

her seriously, as in the two previous instances; what she found on opening the envelope threw her into so extreme an agitation that it was long before she could subdue the anguish of disorder in all her senses. She had tried to believe that Godwin Peak was henceforth powerless to affect her in this way, write what he would. The romance of her life was over; time had brought the solution of difficulties to which she looked forward; she recognised the inevitable, as doubtless did Godwin also. But all this was self-deception. The passionate letter delighted as much as it tortured her; in secret her heart had desired this, though reason suppressed and denied the hope. No longer need she remember with pangs of shame the last letter she had written, and the cold response; once again things were as they should be--the lover pleading before her--she with the control of his fate. The injury to her pride was healed, and in the thought that perforce she must answer with a final 'No', she found at first more of solace than of distress.

      Subsidence of physical suffering allowed her to forget this emotion, in its nature unavowable. She could think of the news Godwin sent, could torment herself with interpretations of Marcella Moxey's behaviour, and view in detail the circumstances which enabled Godwin to urge a formal suit. Among her various thoughts there recurred frequently a regret that this letter had not reached her, like the other two, unobserved. Her father had now learnt that she was in correspondence with the disgraced man; to keep silence would be to cause him grave trouble; yet how much better if fortune had only once more favoured her, so that the story might have remained her secret, from beginning to end.

      For was not this the end?----

      At the usual time she went to the drawing-room, and somehow succeeded in conversing as though nothing had disturbed her. Mr Warricombe was not seen till dinner. When he came forth, Sidwell noticed his air of preoccupation, and that he avoided addressing her. The evening asked too much of her self-command; she again withdrew, and only came back when the household was ready for retiring. In bidding her father goodnight, she forced herself to meet his gaze; he looked at her with troubled inquiry, and she felt her cheek redden.

      'Do you want to get rid of me?' asked Sylvia, with wonted frankness, when her friend drew near.

      'No. Let us go to the glass-house.'

      Up there on the roof Sidwell often found a retreat when her thoughts were troublesome. Fitfully, she had resumed her water-colour drawing, but as a rule her withdrawal to the glass-house was for reading or reverie. Carrying a small lamp, she led the way before Sylvia, and they sat down in the chairs which on one occasion had been occupied by Buckland Warricombe and Peak.

      The wind, rarely silent in this part of Devon, blew boisterously from the south-west. A far-off whistle, that of a train speeding up the valley on its way from Plymouth, heightened the sense of retirement and quietude always to be enjoyed at night here under the stars.

      'Have you been thinking over my suggestion?' asked Sylvia, when there had been silence awhile.

      'No,' was the murmured reply.

      'Something has happened, I think.'

      'Yes. I should like to tell you, Sylvia, but'----

      'But'----

      'I _must_ tell you! I can't keep it in my own mind, and you are the only one'----

      Sylvia was surprised at the agitation which suddenly revealed itself in her companion's look and voice. She became serious, her eyes brightening with intellectual curiosity. Feminine expressions of sympathy were not to be expected from Miss Moorhouse; far more reassuring to Sidwell was the kind attentiveness with which her friend bent forward.

      'That letter father handed me to-day was from Mr. Peak.'

      'You hear from him?'

      'This is the third time--since he went away. At our last meeting'--her voice dropped--'I pledged my faith to him.--Not absolutely. The future was too uncertain'----

      The gleam in Sylvia's eyes grew more vivid. She was profoundly interested, and did not speak when Sidwell's voice failed.

      'You never suspected this?' asked the latter, in a few moments.

      'Not exactly that. What I did suspect was that Mr. Peak's departure resulted from--your rejection of him.'

      'There is more to be told,' pursued Sidwell, in tremulous accents. 'You must know it all--because I need your help. No one here has learnt what took place between us. Mr. Peak did not go away on that account. But--you remember being puzzled to explain his orthodoxy in religion?'

      She paused. Sylvia gave a nod, signifying much.

      'He never believed as he professed,' went on Sidwell, hurriedly. 'You were justified in doubting him. He concealed the truth--pretended to champion the old faiths'----

      For an instant she broke off, then hastened through a description of the circumstances which had brought about Peak's discovery. Sylvia could not restrain a smile, but it was softened by the sincere kindliness of her feeling.

      'And it was after this,' she inquired impartially, 'that the decisive conversation between you took place?'

      'No; just before Buckland's announcement. We met again, after that.--Does it seem incredible to you that I should have let the second meeting end as it did?'

      'I think I understand. Yes, I know you well enough to follow it. I can even guess at the defence he was able to urge.'

      'You can?' asked Sidwell, eagerly. 'You see a possibility of his defending himself?'

      'I should conjecture that it amounted to the old proverb, "All's fair in love and war". And, putting aside a few moral prejudices, one can easily enough absolve him.--The fact is, I had long ago surmised that his motives in taking to such a career had more reference to this world than the next. You know, I had several long talks with him; I told you how he interested me. Now I can piece together my conclusions.'

      'Still,' urged Sidwell, 'you must inevitably regard him as ignoble--as guilty of base deceit. I must hide nothing from you, having told so much. Have you heard from anyone about his early life?'

      'Your mother told me some old stories.'

      Sidwell made an impatient gesture. In words of force and ardour, such as never before had been at her command, she related all she knew of Godwin's history prior to his settling at Exeter, and depicted the mood, the impulses, which, by his own confession, had led to that strange enterprise. Only by long exercise of an impassioned imagination could she thus thoroughly have identified herself with a life so remote from her own. Peak's pleading for himself was scarcely more impressive. In listening, Sylvia understood how completely Sidwell had cast off the beliefs for which her ordinary conversation seemed still to betray a tenderness.

      'I know,' the speaker concluded, 'that he cannot in that first hour have come to regard me with a feeling strong enough to determine what he then undertook. It was not I as an individual, but all of us here, and the world we represented. Afterwards, he persuaded himself that he had felt love for me from the beginning. And I, I tried to believe it--because I wished it true; for his sake, and for my own. However it was, I could not harden my heart against him. A thousand considerations forbade me to allow him further hope; but I refused to listen--no, I _could_ not listen. I said I would remain true to him. He went away to take up his old pursuits, and if possible to make a position for himself. It was to be our secret. And in spite of everything. I hoped for the future.'

      Silence followed, and Sidwell seemed to lose herself in distressful thought.

      'And now,' asked her friend, 'what has come to pass?'

      'Do you know that Miss Moxey is dead?'

      'I haven't heard of it.'

      'She is dead, and has left Mr. Peak a fortune.--His letter of today tells me this. And at the same time he claims my promise.'

      Their