If a baby crawls off the table, whether he knows about gravity or not, he will fall and receive the consequences. How many times must the baby crawl off the table to recognize it? This accounted for the inner emptiness I sensed every time I sinned. No matter how many times people around me said, “It was right, everyone is doing it and you are not hurting anyone”. My mind convinced me that it was good but inside I had turmoil. When I tried to listen to the inner voice and not sin, I sinned even more! It was hopeless, I was a hopeless sinner but I didn’t know it, nor could I help it. My life was like driving a car on a road filled with potholes that people said weren’t there; as I miss one I hit another. So I just got used to it and started to enjoy the bumps in the road. But the void was still there and I couldn’t escape it, I just became numb to it.
It will be worse for a sinner to be in the presence of God than in Hell because God is Holy and sin separates, tears us away, from Him (Is. 59:2). Therefore unless sins in the hearts of people are dealt with, those people go to Hades or Death, away from God. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23; 1 Kings 8:46). So no matter how many righteous works we do, our works are but filthy rags before Him (Is. 64:6). It’s like having a big bucket of pure water. And everyday I add pure water to it (righteous works) hoping to have the perfect bucket of water at the end of my life. But one day I drop a grain of poison (sin) in it by accident, the bucket of water is no longer pure. Even if I add more pure water to it, it is still contaminated. The only solution is to empty the bucket and start again, but what are the chances I will drop something else in and contaminate it? Infinitely high. I am the bucket, my righteous works are the water and the poison is my rebellion against God (sin). My righteous works will never be able to get me into Heaven because they are contaminated. Jesus declared, “For if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins” (John 8:24).
I. REPENTED OF MY SIN
Now I realized my deprived state, but also I didn’t need to be perfect to come to Him (Matt. 11:29-30). Therefore I admitted that I was a sinner, it wasn’t hard when I realized my efforts were futile. “In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30). “Therefore, repent and turn back, for your sins to be blotted out, so that the times of refreshing would come away from the face of the Lord” (Acts 3:19). There are three types of repentance that are engaged at different times. The first type of repentance is engaged when I forsake my worldly or traditional thinking and soften my heart to God’s Word (Matt. 3:2; 4:17). The second type of repentance is engaged just before I accept Jesus Christ as LORD, and ask Him to forgive me for my rebellion in not believing in His Son, Jesus Christ (John 16:9).
The last type of repentance is engaged any time I sin during my Christian journey, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us” (1 John 1:8-10). Repenting is asking God to forgive us with an honest heart and then seeking to do what is right according to His Word (Rev. 2:5). It is not just saying sorry but actually being truly remorseful, wanting to make it right. Also I continually need to remind myself that God will only forgive me if I forgive those who hurt me, sometimes this is tough but I have to obey because He said so, period (Matt. 6:14-15).
II. ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST AS MY LORD
After coming back from signing the employment contract, I went down on my knees and kept the promise I made to Jesus Christ weeks earlier. I repented for my sin and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior with the words of my mouth (Rom. 10:9; John 1:12; 3:16; 1 John 5:10-12). I found an old Gideon New Testament to read more about this Jesus who was now my Lord. All I knew about Jesus was what I was taught or watched on TV - born in Bethlehem, died on a cross for sins, was resurrected and went to Heaven the 3rd day, and He was called the Son of God. That was pretty much all I knew. Now I had discovered that Jesus was actually alive, cared about me and wanted me to follow Him. I wanted to know more about Him, what He likes and dislikes, what He wants and doesn’t, what He wants from me and why He wanted me to know Him. The New Testament suddenly became alive, I couldn’t put it down. It was a major contrast to my earlier years, when I had attempted to read the Bible, stopped after the first few chapters being bored to tears. Now it was alive!
Jesus words, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6). So what is my primary task? Some Pharisees asked Jesus, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?” Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent” (John 6:28-29). It is that simple. And this life I now live, I promise to live in Him by doing what He said (Matt. 7:20-25; Luke 6:46; Ps. 18:2; Eph. 3:19-21; Ps. 62:6). “For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 3:11). “Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).
God “is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9; Matt. 18:14). For “he who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God” (1 John 5:12-13). “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit” (Titus 3:5). “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast” (Eph. 2:8-9). “He who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame” (1 Peter 2:6; Rom. 9:33).
So what did it mean for me? Well, I stopped focusing on life preservation as if I would live forever in this physical body. I stopped spending all my time focusing on how to get more money, more influence, more education and started actually living through Him. Not time focus but Him focus. His desires became my desires, His words became my words and when I mess up (which happens), I try to remind myself to stop beating myself. Repent, take it as an opportunity to learn through and move on. He paid the price for me. Thank You Jesus.
III. RECEIVED HOLY SPIRIT INSIDE AND UPON ME
On 31 January 1995, when I accepted Jesus as my Lord, Holy Spirit entered me (Eph. 1:13). I didn’t feel anything except that inside I knew that something was different. The void that I had my whole life was no more, and an inner peace existed. It was Holy Spirit, at the same time He imparted the blue print of Christ in me so that I “be conformed to the image of His Son” (Rom. 8:29). I found myself calling, actually crying out to God, as my Heavenly Father (Rom. 8:15). Then as days and weeks went by, He taught me about One Topic in the Bible. It was as if I couldn’t read anything else and had to go back and re-read. The Topic was Jesus Christ, what He did, what He said and what authority He left for me (John 14:16-17, 26; 16:14-15). So that I can walk as He walked, do what He did, say what He said and have the power He walked in (Mark 16:15-18). Like Paul said, “Imitate me just as I also imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). And “no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 12:3).
A couple of months after accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord, I was in awe at another miracle that I had just asked for, something extraordinary. I raced back to my room in Germany and said, “Jesus.” When I said Jesus I fell onto my knees and it felt like fire was all over me. Inside and out, I shook uncontrollably and remember looking at my hands moving back and forth, thinking, “What is happening to me? This is not real! This is not happening.” You need to understand I am a scientist/logical thinker and this wasn’t logical for me. All of a sudden I sensed someone in the room, about 2meters on my left but I didn’t look because I was too scared to. At the same time I felt this indescribable love that brought me to tears.
I wanted to thank Him, but as I started speaking