As I made my rounds through the petals, I refocused myself and took notice that the labyrinth was bright blue today with gold trimming. It was shimmering in the sunlight. Clarity seemed to be its foundation. I spent some extra time in the 4th petal – Abundance. What does Abundance mean to me? I know many believe Abundance is all about money but this doesn’t seem to be the “core” meaning. For me, Abundance includes: bliss, happiness, giggles, joy. It means that I have everything I need in that moment (which would include money!). As I explored it more deeply, it became clear that Abundance occurs spontaneously when I am in alignment with the true me – my divine Essence. In fact, the only time I feel completely in balance and without worry is when I am in alignment. It is in these moments, I have everything I need. When I feel safe and allow myself to align with the truth of who I am, it’s like a channel opens and I’m walking in a surreal reality. I come “alive” in those moments in a way that isn’t normal for me and I know that something “special” is occurring…I am in alignment.
By now, the conversation near the labyrinth had subsided and I knew the gift the new pastor for the UMC - Davis was bringing the congregation. The blessing of an expanded understanding of God and Love had arrived. I wished them all the best on their journey together.
When I left the labyrinth, I found a quiet spot on the backside of the church and wrote a few notes on my experience. Though part of me found the rather loud conversation while I was walking the labyrinth a little disconcerting, I recognized the gift in the conversation. I contemplated different levels of Service – all well and good. There is the Service of volunteers assisting the church and there is the Service of a divine Essence(s) holding space in honor and recognition of the journey of another Essence. I could sense the Essences of the conversationalists holding space for me while I walked the labyrinth. Though the humans didn’t seem to notice, their Essences did. I could feel it. This is always true. If we take the time to pay attention….and still ourselves…we can sense the divine Essence of another in each and every moment – no matter the circumstances. This is where the truthful “conversation” takes place – in the wordless connection within the circle of sacred life.
There is peace today. Up to this point, I have been somewhat anxious or uncomfortable as the truthful energy of personally powerful insights rumbled though me. I look forward to tomorrow but will enjoy this day. It has been a blessing.
The Divinity in me bows to the Divinity in you…
Friday, July 01, 2011
Labyrinth #5: Grace Cathedral – San Francisco, CA
I just have to say, I AM POOPED! Though this has been an incredible journey, my body can’t take much more of this rumbling, rippling and rocking! Today, I drove over the Bay Bridge and into San Francisco to visit the super-fantastic Grace Cathedral. If you ever have the opportunity, it’s a must-see and a must-experience. The Cathedral has two Chartres-sized labyrinths – one inside the main entrance of the church and one outside in a front “patio” area.
The Cathedral is gargantuan with several vestibules. I could hear “ministers” leading prayers at different times in various parts of the church. The stained glass windows are incredibly beautiful and engraved with messages and stories. My favorite is a clandestine meeting between St. Francis and Claire. I decided to walk the labyrinth inside the Cathedral. My timing was excellent as I was able to experience the walk without much interruption.
As per most of my walks, I opened the labyrinth, set my intent and began the path. I could hear the Lord’s Prayer being recited by a small group in one of the vestibules. In my mind, Forgiveness was already beginning to percolate. “Doubt” and “Trust” were coming up big as I moved along the path. I heard myself asking for Forgiveness for all my anger, doubt and lack of trust in what I know to be true. I concentrated on what I felt regarding the labyrinth itself. Immediately, I saw and felt “gold.” The pathway turned to a deep plush crimson carpet lined with gold. In my mind’s eye, I kept seeing a crown and the path felt like the walkway to a coronation.
When I reached the center, I spent time in each petal as per my ritualistic routine. Faith… Surrender…Service…Abundance…Forgiveness… I spent quite awhile in the fifth petal before moving on. I heard, “Are you ready to forgive yourself, Karrie?” I could feel the depth at which the question entered me. (The tears are coming now as I’m writing.) I now realize that part of me was “shocked” by the question. The question was like an arrow from the Universe which upon impact instantaneously planted a more truthful perspective which woke part of me up like a bucket of ice water! At some deeper level I caught the true meaning underlying the question. I was the one that held the key to freedom. I was the one who held the key to the dungeon door – the dungeon of punishment, wrath and merciless judgment. And I was the one who held the gift of Forgiveness. Though I understood this concept at a “head” level, it was evident that I hadn’t truly known it in the core of my being until this moment. I recognized a part of “me” had been harboring some outdated dogma and had essentially brainwashed “me” into believing I was unworthy and undeserving - like I had “missed the mark” and was a disgrace. But in this one infinitesimal moment, I felt this “data” disintegrate…..“Are you ready to forgive yourself, Karrie?” Wow… I knew this experience had affected me deeply and I probably wouldn’t understand the full ramifications until later.
I moved through the final petal quickly and sat down in the center of the labyrinth (LOVE). I took a couple of deep breaths just to enjoy where I was sitting. It was then that I heard, “Golden Starlight of the Heavens [a metaphorical name given to me], are you ready to take back your heart and your crown?” I “saw” a huge diamond representing my heart and a golden crown with rubies and diamonds which I knew represented my crown chakra. Once again, I was shocked and deeply moved. The feeling in the moment was like the “prodigal son returning home” – not to wrath and punishment but to love and celebration. Again at a much deeper level, I realized that I was the one who pushed these deep feeling and sensing parts of me aside. I had closed them off due to doubt, lack of trust and the fear of being wrong as well as hurt. These aspects had been “kept” for me until I was ready to take them back – until I could Forgive myself. Amazing.
I walked out of the labyrinth in a state of awe. (I think my mouth may have been hanging open!) I felt a familiar pang of doubt and “this is ridiculous” but I quickly shut it down. I will no longer entertain such nonsense. I have been incredibly unhappy because I refused to take a stand in what I know to be true. I refused to trust my own knowings because what I knew wasn’t reflected in my everyday life. The façade was too strong and firmly embedded. Those days are done.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Labyrinth #6: The Mercy Center – Auburn, CA
As of yesterday, I decided I would visit the labyrinth at The Mercy Center in Auburn. However, I awoke this morning in great resistance. It was already hot at 7:30, I felt physically tired and I wasn’t even sure the retreat would be open to visitors today. (Whine, Whine, Whine) I tried calling the center but no one answered…did I really want to drive all that way and not be able to get in?! I then remembered that today was petal number 6 – Overcoming - and decided I had better get my behind in the car! As I stated already, I had enormous resistance! (Intensity-wise, the feeling was equivalent to the resistance I feel when I think about going back to work on Tuesday!) I checked-in with myself one more time about driving the 55 miles to Auburn and felt a “yes,” so off I went! I am practicing T-R-U-S-T! (I can spell it so that’s a start!)
The drive to Auburn was smooth and uneventful. When I reached the retreat center and entered the grounds, I almost broke into tears. The feeling of the Mother’s love was so tangible. I felt like I wanted