Some of these signs are so unbelievable you just have to photograph them, because who’s going to believe you otherwise?
At the Airport
The first thing you’re going to notice when you arrive at a big Chinese airport is the military efficiency of everything.
The airport personnel are polite, quiet, very efficient, and I’m pretty sure they’re being paid to smile. And one of these smiling and perfectly turned out airport officers will politely direct you through the immaculate terminal building, like she’s the zookeeper, and you’re the penguins.
The unfriendly officials sitting in their cubicles waving you forward one-by-one are the immigration officers, (even if these officers were paid to smile, I’m not sure if they’re capable of such human expression). Get your documents in order before you line up here, because these automatons are super-efficient, miss NOTHING, and they’re very intolerant of disorganized travelers. An imprecise document, an incorrect or near-expired visa, or if you look a little different to your passport photo (different glasses, different hair color, or maybe you’ve grown or shaved your beard), all these little things are noticed and receive the same intense scrutiny as a short curly hair in their won ton soup.
The immigration officials take their duties very seriously, so:
•Stand upright, facing them like a robot (it’s what they understand)
•Present your correct documentation (it’s the only thing they want from you)
•Don’t try to make eye contact (they don’t like it)
•Don’t speak (even if you speak perfect Mandarin, they won’t be listening)
•Don’t lean on their booth (you’re not in a pub, and you will make them grumpy)
•And just don’t try to be friendly (how can you be friendly with a robot?)
By the time you’ve got through immigration your luggage should be getting dizzy on the luggage belt. But before you make a quick exit into the sea of oriental faces waiting the other side of customs control, think: do you need to use the restrooms?
The airport restrooms may not be the best you’ve ever used, but believe me, they get much worse and you should take advantage of these facilities before you begin any onward journey. I’m warning you: do it now, or prepare to regret it.
Foreign Exchange
Now, get some Chinese currency.
You can usually do a currency exchange at your hotel, (if it’s a big one), but you’ve gotta get there first. So if you didn’t manage to buy some Chinese Yuan (CNY) before you travelled, you need to get some before you leave the airport. You need to find a foreign exchange office or a cash machine (ATM) in the airport and withdraw a pocketful. Sure, USDollars are recognized, but let’s face it, you’re going to get ripped off if you try using them; just pull out your plastic and get a bunch of CNY.
If one Chinese ATM doesn’t work for you, try another because some Chinese banks can be selective with which foreign credit and debit cards they decide to recognize.
A word about Chinese ATMs: they’re mostly in Mandarin text. The ones at the airport should have English and Mandarin options, but outside of the big cities don’t expect this language option. Often you can get a pretty assistant to help you if the ATM is within a bank, or what I do is just remember which line of Chinese squiggles is the one I need to select, (however your card may have been swallowed by the time you work this out for yourself).
Did you tell your bank and credit card provider that you’re going to China?
*I’ve had some of my credit cards blocked because my thoughtful card provider assumed that my wallet had been stolen. I could have been completely stuck, penniless and destitute because of the incorrect assumption of some self-righteous little pen-pusher in creditcard-land. I’m sure he meant well, but it buggered up a whole day for me.
If you’re relying on Travelers Checks, unless you’re staying at a fancy hotel that can exchange these for you, you’re going to have to visit a bank. Prepare yourself for a lot of queuing, a lot of paperwork, (and I can think of better ways to spend my afternoons).
Taxis, etc
As with many countries in the world, the humble taxi driver isn’t the most highly educated person you’ll ever meet; there are notable exceptions, but these are as rare as a real Rolex in China.
Often taxi drivers don’t come from the city where they’re working, so they’ll often need your help to find the place you want to go to. And unless you are going someplace like a well known street, or landmark, or hotel (be aware that there can be several hotels of the same name in the one city, so include the street address too), or a popular shopping district, you can very easily find yourself lost, lost, lost, (and your taxi driver demanding the fare and that you get out of his car wherever he decides to stop – if this happens it’s usually safe to ask to be taken to a big hotel, where you should be able to ask for assistance from the friendly receptionists).
Prepare yourself for a Chinese taxi ride:
•First, easiest and most professional method of explaining your destination is to simply phone your interpreter and ask them to give your instructions to the driver.
•Or ask your hotel receptionist to write the address in Chinese for you to hand to your driver.
•If you know the address of where you are going, you should also have the telephone number, so try phoning someone at your destination and ask them to give your driver the directions.
•Another possible solution is to have previously gone through a magazine or website that features your destination, and hand the printed information to your taxi driver.
•You could also try finding out the GPS coordinates of your destination and hope that the taxi has Sat-Nav, as many now do.
•A less straightforward method is to locate your destination on a map. This sounds like a good idea, but can you read a map written in Chinese? And can your taxi driver read a map written in English? And can your driver read any kind of map? (Maps were not permitted in China until quite recently, so don’t assume it’ll be very helpful.)
•Or try to find someone who speaks a little English, and ask them to give your instructions to the driver. But I can promise you now, this is very risky, because although many, many Chinese speak English, many can only speak English as well as I speak Latin, so don’t bet on this getting you anywhere but very lost.
•In desperation, try speaking loud and clear English and pray for a miracle (they have many gods in China, however, in my experience, miracles are very few and very far between).
It’s very likely that you’re going to use taxis a lot during your stay in China, so you should be aware of a few things:
•Before you make yourself comfortable, check that the taxi is legal (don’t get shanghaied like I did once). The vehicle must have a meter, and the driver must be displaying his photographic ID. If you’re suspicious, step out – there are thousands of taxis in every city.
•Generally women taxi drivers are better drivers, more patient with your poor Mandarin, and more polite.
•Sit in the back of the car. This increases your distance from the crumple zone in the increasingly likely event of a head-on collision.
•And put on your seatbelt, (if you forget to put on your seatbelt, after a couple of near-misses you will remember).
•Prepare for a roller-coaster ride through some horrible traffic. They can drive like teenage car-thieves on amphetamines. This is quite normal.
•Check that you have small notes to pay with. They don’t like being handed CNY100 for a CNY15 trip.