“Have you ever seen employees who act like children?” I asked. “Do you have any employees who seem stuck in the ‘terrible twos’? Do you have employees – or even managers – who fight amongst themselves like competing siblings? Have you ever experienced employees who run to ‘momma’ when they don’t get what they want from ‘dad,’ or who manipulatively play mom against dad? Are there any employees at your plant who don’t play well with others or who pout when they don’t get their own way.”
“Pfffft. No kidding,” Paul said, shaking his head in disgust.
“That’s why I say there’s no difference between managing employees and managing one’s family. The skills and techniques you use in one situation are the same skills and techniques you use in the other.”
I went on to explain that the role of a manager and a parent is to increase the maturity level of a person to the point where they get ‘it’. Managers and parents nurture individuals through coaching and counseling in order to teach them how to succeed in life. Those individuals who achieve the greatest success are the ones who get the ‘its’ of every situation early in their life – whether at school, at work, at church, in marriage, in society, or in life.
“Obviously maturity has nothing to do with age,” I said. “Yet maturity is what managers need to instill in their employees if they want them to manage themselves. Maturity also is what parents try to teach to their children before they leave the home and go off on their own. Managers and parents hope their employees and children will become thoughtful, responsible, self-disciplined individuals. They want them to make wise decisions and mature choices. They hope they’ll figure the ‘its’ of life out sooner, rather than later, in their life and career.
“The point of all this is simple,” I said. “It doesn’t matter to me where you learn what I’m about to teach you, as long as you learn it. If what I say makes more sense to you as it relates to work, then think about your business. But if it makes more sense to you from a personal perspective, then think about your marriage and your family. As long as you think about these concepts and ponder them in some meaningful context, you’ll be able to understand them, learn them, and use them. I promise if you practice at work the concepts I’m about to teach you, they will also benefit you at home. Likewise, if you can get your family ‘team’ to step forward together, you can get your work team to do the same.
“All I ask is that while I explain this model to you, you go inside yourself and confirm what I’m saying by checking it against your head, your heart, and your intuition. That’s how you will know what I am saying is true.”
I paused briefly to allow Paul to internalize what I’d said.
“Okay. Are you ready to learn how to create a highly-effective, enthusiastic and committed team?”
“I’m ready,” Paul eagerly responded.
3
Beginning the Climb to Commitment
Paul and I had been talking for almost twenty minutes and we were just now getting to what I wanted to share with him. It had taken us some time to get to this point but I felt it was important he understand the key concepts we’d just discussed before I showed him my model for getting people to step forward together as a team.
I picked up my mechanical pencil and drew two parallel vertical lines on my yellow notepad. I then connected the vertical lines with four equally spaced horizontal lines, as shown in the diagram below. I wrote the word COMMITMENT above the top rung of the ladder.
I pointed to my diagram and said, “OK. What I’m going to show you is a model I developed many years ago I call The Ladder of Commitment®. Sometimes, however, when I’m really humble, I refer to it as the ‘Holy Grail,’” I said, only half facetiously.
Paul smiled.
“I really do believe this model is the Holy Grail because this simple visual powerfully explains a complex process – the unconscious evolution people go through before they commit to a specific course of action. The Ladder shows what happens inside a person’s head, heart and intuitive senses before they will accept and enthusiastically embrace something,” I explained.
“Once you understand the Ladder of Commitment, you can use it to accelerate the process of gaining the commitment of your employees. By knowing this you can propel people to the top of the Ladder quickly. You can get your employees to perform at a higher production level earlier in their employment. Most important, you can get people to do what you want them to do, the way you want them to do it, when you want it done.
“You can also use this model in your personal life. Husbands and wives who understand the Ladder of Commitment can use it to build a stronger relationship early in their marriage. They can create an enduring partnership that truly does last forever. Parents who consciously climb the ladder in their relationships with their children can form strong family bonds of love and support and get everyone in the family to step forward together.”
I went on to explain to Paul that before he could get a company of people to step forward together as a team, each employee must first step forward as a committed individual. Likewise, each partner in a marriage must be committed to the relationship individually before a collective bond of unity can be formed in the marriage. The process of obtaining one’s commitment begins as a solo climb up the Ladder. And it is, indeed, a climb up the Ladder, because most people don’t start out in their relationships – work or personal – at the top of the Ladder.
I took my wedding ring off of my finger and held it in the air, showing it to Paul.
“When a bride and groom stand at the altar, place wedding bands on each other’s fingers, and say the words ‘I do’, where do you think they think they are on the Ladder at that moment in time?” I asked, pointing to my drawing.
“At COMMITMENT,” he rightly concluded, pointing to the top of the Ladder diagram.
“That’s exactly right. They think they are making a commitment. In fact, they usually make vows to that effect, saying such things as: ‘until death do us part’, ‘in sickness and in health’, ‘in good times and in bad’. Yet 52 percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. That’s a pretty horrific statistic. That means every other person sitting here on this plane – if they are or have been married – are divorced, in the process of getting a divorce, or will be divorced in the future.”
“Well, that’s encouraging,” Paul said, sarcastically.
“Even if you’ve been married twenty-three years, like you have, does that mean your marriage is secure?” I asked.
“I guess not.”
“That’s because commitment has a short shelf life. It’s something that has to be continually reinforced and strengthened day after day,” I offered. “The commitment process starts on day one of a relationship and continues as long as the relationship lasts. Of course, you could change your partner and start all over again, but the odds get worse in second marriages. Seventy-five percent of second marriages end in divorce. Since the odds are against you with each subsequent marriage – or each subsequent new hire – it’s much better to get it right the first time.
“So, if over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, what does this wedding ring really mean?” I asked, again showing my wedding ring to him.
“Apparently it doesn’t mean anything,” Paul replied.
“That’s right. Placing a wedding ring on someone’s hand and making a vow of commitment apparently doesn’t mean the person is committed. Saying words of commitment doesn’t mean a person actually is committed. So I guess the wedding vows recited by one out of two marriages in this country actually mean: ‘I do for now’, ‘I do until something else comes up’, or