If this sound like food for thought, it is. Remember what Shakespeare said: To thine own self be true. If you can do that, if you can live it, people will accept you and trust you based on your integrity and actions. The attitude you choose to put forth has everything to do with the response you receive in return. As you become more familiar with your own emotions, you will become more confident in yourself. You will be happy within your own skin and in your heart, never mind what a man says, thinks or does. You will control your destiny; this attitude is very contagious to others.
Tease the confident guy and compliment the shy one. Men don’t get compliments often; a genuine compliment about his thoughtfulness will go a long, long way. And one other secret tip for you: Do you know what really sparks a flame in a man? Anticipation. We love not knowing how something is going to turn out, the thrill of gradually having the excitement unfold before us. This is the reason men get so fired up about sports... it’s the anticipation. So keep your mystery about you. Do not give a man everything right away, or all the time. We love to have a surprise every once in a while or something good to look forward to especially if it comes from you! Offer to help out with projects he is devoted to. You will know you are learning him when you’re able to think ahead for him. There is something binding about a person who is willing to help you with a project that is close to your heart.
Marriage may be overrated but good relationships are priceless. Some of the most powerful women in the world – women who lead their respective industries or professions – are single. And whether you are man- strung, man-less or going about your man in a one-day-at-a-time, take-it-as-it-comes kind of way, you are prone to taking uneducated risks unless you master the formula for learning him, in order to truly and deeply earn him. So, read on, OK? Nothing you thought you knew has properly prepared you for what I am about to say.
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The mystery – the magic – the moments
Ladies, I want to empower you with a plethora of information about the way men think, from an Ardent Bachelor’s perspective. You may now deem this book your passport; the key that unlocks the mysteries of a man’s head and heart. And the best way to win a man’s heart is to find out what’s in it. One of the main reasons I wanted to write a book on relationships is because of my own peculiar behavior around the idea of commitment. Even though I’ve been in a couple of long-term relationships, I haven’t seriously considered marriage since I got my heart broken more than thirty years ago.
Granted, my profession places me in front of a variety of women who seek my expertise for their image alterations. Sometimes a day’s work can fulfill all the needs I may have for communicating with women. As a public servant to women for a living (and this is really how I think of my work!), I can get my “social fix” right at the “office,” which is to say, the salon.
This also means one of the pleasures available to me is that, upon returning home, there are no requirements for me to talk or get bossed around. At home, I want to enjoy a relationship built on trust, great anticipation, minimal talking and more pleasures. Regardless of whether it’s right or wrong, it’s important to know what turns you on and what you want from a companion. Otherwise, you’ll spend exorbitant amounts of time looking for excuses to end or bring closure to the relationship. I’m sure you know men who can come up with all types of excuses.
I thought about all the friends (ladies and men) whom I have, and decided to solicit them for information by conducting a national survey at my website, www.barryfletcher.com. I wanted to ask followers on my website their opinion regarding the line of demarcation; the location of that point where things start to get “too serious” between a man and a woman. Is it something a woman does to spook a man? I’ve heard quite a bit about men disappearing, making misleading gestures and exhibiting cruel treatment. Now I see what you ladies have to go through to get emphatically clear answers out of a man.
As I began writing this book I talked to mature men and women of diverse backgrounds; they were single, divorced, married, sexy, desirable, etc. It took much more effort to get follow-up information out of men than it did women. First you have to track them down, and then it was challenging to pry information out of them without them feeling they were “incriminating” themselves. On the other hand, the women were eager to express themselves and were much more descriptive. Most of the women I spoken with seemed to enjoy talking about their past and present companions. Some could easily be perceived as scorned, while some were disgruntled and upset. But most importantly I heard quite a few success stories. They spoke with redeeming emotions that were calming to their spirits, and also obviously rode along on a wave of feelings. Some of these women told me they could no longer blame themselves for his irrational behavior… behavior they described as inconsiderate and rude. I’ve heard it all, from women who reported having the best husband in the world to stories of abandonment and infidelity, of betrayal and theft and even of a man having two families and two names. I’ve heard from women who were misled to believe their man was an ideal man; he told her he wanted a future with her but in actuality he wasn’t sure what he wanted.
I learned at a young age that love is nothing to play with. I’ve had my feelings hurt every time I fell deeply in love, becoming possessive, intrusive, prone to lacking self-confidence, and feeling uncertain and shaky. As hard as I fell for my first love, I didn’t like the way she made me feel about myself. She gave me a complex about my looks, my size, my car, my talent, my finances and most of all, my ability to please her. It seemed as if I could never do enough to please her. Being that I was also starting a career that required much of my time, let’s just say there were many moments of conflict. I suppose the key point to this story is that after she confessed to cheating on me with her previous boyfriend, it just confirmed all my insecurities! Freak!
A man wants to be the breadwinner in the family without having his thoughts mired with lust and doubt. Many times I have spoken with guys who have confessed to spending too much time with a relationship rather than spending more on career building. Relationships mature with time just like people do. Women have a tendency to be disappointed when they can’t get a man’s full attention in a relationship, which causes some to give an ultimatum – either you want all of me or none at all.
Inevitably, at some point in your life, you will find that you have some type of need for a man. You just can’t live without us. Fact is, we are irreplaceable, no matter how many so-called replacement toys you may buyout of anguish. Anecdotally and boastfully, you discuss with girlfriends your successes and failures with men; proudly analyzing and dissecting, fearing and braving, chuckling and complaining, revealing a torrent of carnal truths amongst friends like dirty jokes. Ladies often engage in this kind of man-related banter as a way of entertaining yourselves, sometimes even in public. In my business, I’ve heard ladies offering vivid details of a man’s inadequacies, and then turn right around and give rave reviews about his sexual prowess. Men on the other hand brag about their swag and the game used on their last rom antic or sexual conquest, while exaggerating their macho façade. But when they get home to their partners, the spirit of love takes over... something they don’t talk about as much amongst themselves.
There are lots of thoughts going on in a man’s head that you’ll never know about. So let me tell you at least some of them . I’ve found that men are more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings about women with another male, whereas women are more inclined to run to their girlfriends for advice about their “Boo.” In many cases, they both would be better served if they talked to someone of the opposite sex, or if they endeavored to collect information from both sides. For example, you wouldn’t go to Senator John McCain for information on rap music, nor would you seek out Lil Wayne for helpful background