“A wise man listening to a fool will learn more than a fool listening to a wise man.”
Anonymous
Most people prefer promoting. They never take a breath as they promote their ideas. Are there times that we must promote an idea? Of course there are. Even so, we should explore what we are sending and what is being heard.
Explorers know listening is a choice. Active listening focuses on a message and its meaning. Unconscious listening is only hearing. Hearing is involuntary. Hearing is a physical sensation created by an external stimulus. We are bombarded by sounds around us like traffic, television, conversations, construction and more. We must prioritize what we listen to so that we don’t miss something important. Take this conversation for instance.
Husband (concerned): “What’s wrong honey?”
Wife (sniffling): You didn’t get me a birthday present.”
Husband (perplexed): “But you told me not to get you anything this year.”
Wife (innocently): “That’s what I said, but you know what I meant.”
Husband (getting his coat): “I’ll be right back.”
The husband heard what his wife was saying but he was not listening. Technically he may have been right, but his inability to pick up the subtle message behind his wife’s words caught him off guard.
“When making personal decisions, listen to what your head says; then listen to what your heart says. If they differ follow your heart! Whenever you listen to you heart, you listen to that part of you that is most interested in your well-being.”
Anonymous
What are a few obstacles to listening? Imagine we are sitting in a training seminar, or lecture hall or even in church. We daydream. We are not interested in the subject. We focus on the speaker’s clothing or delivery. We are distracted by outside noises or conversations. We feel the room is not right. We are impatient or self absorbed.
Listening for understanding is a learned skill. Explorers use two types of feedback to check understanding – statement confirmation and questioning for clarity.
Statement confirmation is restating what you the think the speaker is saying. Explorers are able to paraphrase the speaker’s words to the speaker’s satisfaction.
Questioning for clarification is asking for additional information to clarify your view of the speaker’s message. Explorers use this method to double check their understanding.
One-on-one statement confirmation and questioning for clarity is a quicker process than in a group setting. Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity in a group setting may entail taking notes, reviewing for restatement and asking questions later.
Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity does not mean you agree with the speaker. It means that you are seeking understanding of the message.
You as a Promoter can refine your ideas by becoming an Explorer. Prepare your audience by asking for active listening. Tell your audience you will ask them to paraphrase your idea, you will open the floor for clarifying questions, expect feedback on whether your idea makes sense and entertain how they would improve your idea. Can you see what happens? You become an Explorer. You actively listen to feedback. You now can switch roles back to Promoter with a better chance of presenting your idea in terms that makes sense to your audience.
You have created the coin of communication and learning.
The little child whispered, "God, speak to me."
And a meadowlark sang.
But the child did not hear.
So the child yelled, "God, speak to me!"
And the thunder rolled across the sky.
But the child did not listen.
The child looked around and said, "God let me see you."
And a star shone brightly.
But the child did not notice.
And the child shouted, "God show me a miracle!"
And a life was born.
But the child did not know.
So the child cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here!"
Whereupon God reached down and touched the child.
But the child brushed the butterfly away and walked away unknowingly.
Take time to listen. Often times, the things we seek are right underneath our noses. Don't miss out on your blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.
Anonymous
8: Inspire Others
You can be a role model and/or a mentor. A role model projects behavior that is emulated by others. This definition does not determine whether the behavior is good or bad. We learn from positive role models how to live. We learn what no to do from negative role models.
How can you be a role model? You have a special talent that is yours to share with others. Project a clear picture of who you are, what is important to you and the direction you are headed. Awaken the expectations of a good life in people around you. Your behavior is an example observed by those around you. As such, you are a walking advertisement of your values, your goals and your life.
“Be such a man and live such a life, that if every man were such as you, and every life a life like yours, this earth would be God’s paradise.”
Philip Brooks, American Episcopal Bishop
There are a number of people who are or have been role models in my life. My parents, Russell and Elizabeth, were the most important. My father modeled the discipline of military duty and pride for his work in the Air Force. He would rise every morning at 5:30 am and prepare for work. He was clean shaven, shoes were always shined, uniform crisply pressed, fed (that was Mother’s doing) and out the door by 6:30 am. My mother was open and loving and modeled how to treat others with respect and how to anticipate and merit respect from others.
I joined the Boy Scouts in sixth grade. I wore my uniform as proudly as my father wore his. My Scout leaders were Ed Badgett, Charles Howell and Charles Dardie. These three men met with us weekly and took us camping once a month. They taught us the ways of scouting and more importantly how to be young men. We did not think of them as role models and mentors but they were.
Society has elevated athletes to celebrity status and role models. The Nike Corporation ran a successful advertising campaign calling on viewers to “Be like Mike”. Mike, of course, is the Hall of Fame basketball player Michael Jordan. Charles Barkley, voted as one of the 50 greatest players in NBA history, on the other hand said,
"Just because I can dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
What a contrast in looking at the sports hero as a role model. Michael Jordan has accepted his status as a role model. Charles Barkley, on the other hand, does not see himself as a role model. Both, however, project behavior that others copy.
How can you be a mentor? A mentor offers knowledge and expertise (your special talent) on a given topic to someone (mentee) who wants a hands on approach.
There are different types of mentoring – business and social. Business mentoring could put together a senior management executive with a high performing junior executive