“Oh, Lordy, that was a doozy of a mess you got yourself into!”
He dropped his head. “I was always a disappointment to my family, Letitia, I’d be a shoe-in for the lifetime-achievement-award for fuck-ups.”
“You can’t un-do the past, sugar, what’s done is done.”
“I know.”
“My father was strict Orthodox and always wore a Yarmulke; he wanted a ‘Steady Eddie’ for his only son and he ended up with me instead.”
“My daddy ached for three sons and he ended up with three daughters; if that wasn’t enough of a disappointment, two of us got knocked up as teenagers.”
“I’ve got many regrets, Letitia.”
She patted his arm. “I’m sure you had the best of intentions.”
“My father used to say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”
“I’m a Bible-thumping, Holy-Roller, Gospel-singing, Pentecostal, Born–Again, Southern Christian Baptist, God-fearing sinner. We know all about damnation and the eternally burning fires of Hell.”
“That’s a lot of things to be, Letitia.”
“What are you?”
“I’m a professional cynic and a confirmed skeptic; I don’t believe in anything.”
She frowned. “Tell me, Eddie, what were your dreams for yourself when you were young?”
He gazed out at the river. “I … I always lived in the here and now, Letitia, I never thought too far into the future.”
“You must’ve wanted to be something when you grew up.”
“Hmm.”
“A fireman, a jet pilot, a basketball player; what?”
He rotated the gold signet ring on his pinky. “I can’t remember wanting to be anything … and PRESTO! … that’s how it turned out.”
She sighed softly.
“What did you want to be, Letitia?”
“You’ll laugh if I tell you.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“You will, Eddie, but I’ll tell you anyway.” Her face brightened and he heard longing in her voice. “I wanted to be a prima ballerina since I was four years old, I wanted to dance Swan Lake.”
“As in that movie with Natalie Portman?”
She nodded. “I saw Black Swan ten times.”
He placed his hand tenderly on hers. “That was a very big dream.”
She lowered her eyes. “Can you imagine me, a fat slob in tights, pirouetting on the stage at Lincoln Center?”
“I’d pay to see it.”
She pushed him away roughly. “You’re a damn fool!”
“You’re not the first person to tell me that.”
“It’s time you started going to temple, Eddie, it could turn your life around.”
“I am what I am.”
“And you need to get off the street.”
“I’m not going into a shelter; if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No. You can sleep in my apartment out in Bed-Stuy, Eddie, I got an extra bed and I wouldn’t charge you nothing.”
“Thanks, Letitia, it’s kind of you, but no thanks.”
“You’d be doing me a favor. I’ve been without a man so long my neighbors are beginning to think I’m a lesbian. Having you stay with me would be a boost for my reputation.”
He glanced about to make certain he was out of earshot of other people on the pier and whispered. “I might be gay myself.”
She began to laugh so hard into her fingers that the fat rolls on her midriff quivered and a tear rolled down her dark cheek.
“I’m serious, Letitia, it worries me. The other day I caught myself staring at young guys.”
“You were just daydreaming about being young again, Eddie, that’s all that was. I’ve done the same when I see slim, sexy gals. They remind me of what I used to look like 135 pounds ago.”
“I dunno.”
“Honey pie, you’re 76 years old; if you was gay, you’d sure as hell know it by now.”
“I … I suppose.”
“There’s no supposing about it.”
“I’m also having strange feelings I never had before.”
“That’s just old age creeping into your brittle bones.”
“I’ve been old a long time, Letitia, and this is different.”
“Don’t worry, sugar, my daddy had the same feelings. You’re a normal, horny man who enjoys sex with women.”
“I sure hope so.”
“You need to go to bed with a black woman like me. I promise you, the sex will be so great it’ll curl the hair on your neck and give you a whole new outlook on the world. Then you’d know for sure you ain’t gay.”
“You’d probably give me a stroke.”
She gently nudged his arm with her elbow. “Yeah, sugar, but you’d die with a Colgate smile on your face, I guaranty it.”
He reddened. “No offense, Letitia, but I like my women like I like my fish; white and flaky.”
She shrugged. “It’s your loss.”
“Thanks, anyway, that’s the best proposition I’ve had this decade.”
She sniffed the air with her widely flared nostrils. “Are you wearing a new cologne, Eddie?”
“No, I never wear cologne, I can’t afford it.”
She sniffed him. “You smell very fresh today.”
He shuffled his sneakers. “This morning I ran out of shaving cream. So I improvised, I used my mint toothpaste to shave with instead. You’re smelling the mint. That was resourceful of me; wouldn’t you say?”
“It’s pathetic, if you ask me!”
“Gee, I thought you’d be impressed.”
Her mood grew more serious. “Tell me, Eddie, I’m watching the TV about all those debt problems they got in Europe. You worked on Wall Street for a load of years; should I be worried?”
“I don’t claim to be an expert, Letitia, but, yes, in my opinion, you should be worried.”
“What happens if Europe goes bankrupt?”
“Then the United States could go bankrupt too.”
She chewed it over in her mind. “What happens if this country goes bankrupt?”
“Then Mars will go bankrupt.”
“Mars?”
“I mean, Letitia, the whole world will go bankrupt; there’ll be a worldwide depression the same as we experienced in the 1930’s, possibly worse.”
“Holy shit!”
“Yeah, I’d say that sums up the situation nicely.”
“I’ve got $23,000 saved, Eddie, it’s all I got in the world. I don’t trust those banks. Should