The three things we need to know about insecurities are: 1. Insecurities hide. 2. They are hard to admit. 3. They are daunting to fight against.
Before we look at how God responds to people, how others are affected, and how Jesus is treasured less as a result of this insecurity, we need to see how these three deterrents create obstacles. Those will be further fleshed out in this chapter.
INSECURITIES HIDE
We may not think of ourselves as insecure, or believe our insecurities are enough to matter, but we fall victim to insecurities all the time. If it is hiding and we choose not to seek it out, how then will we see how insecurity keeps us from treasuring Jesus the way He is meant to be treasured? Have we all reached the stage in our walk with God where we need not worry about treasuring Jesus? Such thinking would be the opposite of the way Paul lived. “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12)
For those who are not aware of the plight of insecurities, I know what it is like to have no clue that you deal with them. Before writing this book, when I would get up in the morning to brush my teeth, I never looked in the mirror and said, “Reyshawn, why do you feel like you have to be the greatest in order to be loved?” Number one, that sounds super corny to ask yourself in the mirror, and number two, it takes time to even have thought about a question like that. I ask myself a similar question to that now, though, in many situations I encounter, because this concern is a testament to the tremendous things God has been working in me since I began writing.
Insecurities are usually discovered in a new or hard circumstance. What is a common way some people respond to something new or hard and experience insecurity, but do not think of it is an insecurity? I have mentored, coached, and counseled many students at Montana State University for two years and the University of Washington for a year and a half. I have been out of the country twice, visiting college campuses, sharing the gospel, and coaching them on how to do the same. In my experience, I have noticed some things college-age people have in common, however it can certainly be true of people of all ages.
When something new or hard is upon us and we encounter the feeling of shame, we often pretend there is no shame and blame ourselves for not working hard enough. Saying things like, “I should have been prepared for this. I have to keep getting better.” Instead of seeing shame, guilt, and self-inadequacy, we slap insecurities down and layer it with mottos of, “Work harder” and “Don’t reflect just succeed.”
In my experience I have seen a plethora of scenarios where “not being good enough” at something is associated with weakness. Hence, many avoid thinking about insecurities, saying, “Oh, it is not a big deal. Stuff happens, right? There is no point in me thinking about it.” To them this sounds noble, and on the outside it may look like perseverance. The insecurity is usually later confirmed as I get to know the person and the person’s unique upbringing.
I have also found out, firsthand, that people that I encounter outside of my immediate friends, often link insecurities to appearance. If you look confident and or act confident, no one will think of you as insecure. In other words, if you are shy and quiet, you are deemed insecure. So if you are quiet, you better watch out before the undercover police of insecurity profile you.
There was one day when I went to a book store to buy a book to do research on this topic. As I walked up to the cash register and handed the clerk the book, she noticed that it had the word “Insecurities” on it. She asked, “Is this book for you or someone else?”
I smiled. She smiled back curiously and said, “Well I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. I guess anyone can be insecure right?” And right she was, because insecurity is my fight even if it is no one else’s. Not only was I shocked to realize this insecurity existed in me, but it is shocking news now to most people when I tell them that I have feelings of “not being good enough,” or that I fear being discovered as “ inadequate.” The responses people usually give me are like what the young woman in the bookstore gave me.
To look at it in another way: our insecurities hide behind our disregard of the terrible workings of our flesh. Or to say it this way: insecurities hide behind the deception of our own innocence as our minds bypass the true desires of our sinful nature. Sometimes we think that our inclinations are that of a newborn baby—innocent, unknowing, and filled with cuteness. We’d like to assume that our desire, be it love, acceptance, or to be noticed, is only a minor request. We may say, “I only just want to feel loved. Is being loved hard to ask for?” True, the aim is just one measly “little thing,” but, then again, the means by which we think we can receive this measly “little thing” are very troublesome.
The apostle Paul is our example of what true self-awareness looks like in relation to how God paints it. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out…So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am.” (Romans 7:18, 21–24)
From these verses we understand that our innocence means nothing. Paul says that there is a war going on inside of him—war against good and evil, right and wrong, treasuring Jesus and feeding the sinful nature. This insecurity of greatness is a strategy employed by the enemy, who is Satan, who loves nothing more than to ensure sure you need not worry about such an insecurity as this.
Finally, insecurities hide because we only see that which God allows us to see. I cannot rightfully presume that God has revealed that we all have an insecurity of needing greatness for the sake of love. God has certainly embedded this unbelievably profound truth in my heart, and I have spent countless hours researching and thinking through the details that will help you make this crucial discovery as well. However, God must reveal this to you.
I am praying with all my heart that it will be in the process of reading this book that you will make this crucial discovery. I am hopeful that God is doing miraculous things in your heart right now. But it must be at the appointed time that God deems necessary. “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” (Deuteronomy 29:29) The secret things of scriptures are not mine or yours; they are God’s.
THEY ARE HARD TO ADMIT
Insecurities are hard to admit. The reasons insecurities, and this one of greatness in particular, are hard to admit, is because to admit having insecurities means that we would have to admit something is wrong with ourselves. To admit we have insecurities means to confess something that is true about us that we presumed not to be true. To say you are insecure about not being the greatest, you would have to admit you actually wanted greatness. One would have to admit the impulses and the decisions that were previously made had the aroma of wanting greatness for the sake of approval. And this is difficult, because it may make you look foolish in the face of your family and friends.
I have perceived it to be like jumping off a diving board into a pile of horse dung. After you get up, you smell like crap. The people don’t want to be around you, because you smell like crap. I see it like this all the time. For instance, many college-age men I encounter rarely admit to the women that they are pursuing or dating, “Sometimes I have a fear of leading because I fear that I will lead in the wrong direction.”
Women consider the question Beth Moore used in her book, So long Insecurities, “What if you are single and there is not a man on the horizon you want to take home to daddy? Can you honestly say that a man does not give validity to our womanhood?” Can you?
What are a few other circumstances where it would be hard for a person to admit insecurities? It is like a man who feels ready to be a husband, but then is faced with circumstances in the marriage that call attention to his weaknesses. Or it like a high school student who graduated high with all A’s, but in college feels like the dumbest person in