Scaling Force. Rory Miller

So I stepped in. Got between the two fighters, squaring off with the biggest, invading his space, smiling slightly but with eyes calm, talking softly and low-pitched.

       It takes a lot to invade an Arab’s space; culturally it’s much closer than Westerners’. He started moving when I put my chest against his arms and pressed with a step. All of this happened while I had a hand poised in the place he couldn’t see behind his arm, ready to control the leverage point on the back of the elbow and spin him if I had to. DON’T EVEN CONSIDER close range de-escalation unless you have absolute confidence in your infighting skills and can take an invisible position of advantage.

       I took a step forward, he took one back. In a few seconds, he was outside of the enclosure.

       Then the other guy got in a beef with someone else.

       I’d chosen the biggest, but he evidently wasn’t the one starting the problem. So I used the same method to get the other guy out, diffusing the situation.

       My boss’s boss and I had a private talk within the hour:

       “You do not, for any reason, go into a group of armed Iraqis.”

       “Yes sir.”

       “You do not, except in self-defense, lay hands on an Iraqi.”

       “But I didn’t…yes sir.”

       “You do not, ever risk your own life just to make a point.”

       Right there, he had me. That’s the lesson I want you to take from this incident and the whole book. I don’t care how cool it sounds. Risking your life for anything other than saving a life is ego, it’s bullshit, and it is childish.

      Presence is the lowest level of force—not force at all if you think in terms of mechanical power—and it comes just from being there. If presence works, it is a perfect solution: no paperwork, no one gets hurt, and you don’t even have to talk to the guy.

      Even if presence does not work by itself, it makes every other level of the force continuum a little easier. An order given by someone who looks like an officer or a mother works better than a pimply teenager trying to take control. You will feel the difference between a wrist-lock done with authority and one attempted with a lack of confidence. Using a stick like you know what you are doing is more likely to get a threat to back down than if you look like you are not sure how to hold it.

      Even at the lethal force level, there is a qualitative difference between a professional about to use a gun as a tool and a scared civilian trying to hide behind a weapon.

      There is no downside to developing presence. That said, because it is so subjective, it can be damnably hard to develop. What follows are a few small hints on a very big subject…

The Intangibles

      We are going to get all metaphysical for a second and talk about stuff that everyone knows but that we often pretend is too mystical to acknowledge.

      A big part of your presence is who you are. An asshole carries himself like an asshole and almost everyone can sense who and what he is. Curious people look like curious people. Someone with a good heart makes other people relax, even if the people relaxing can never really explain why.

      Some can fake it—conmen are famous for it, but even conmen don’t run games on certain people. It just does not work.

      In what follows, take that into account. A smaller person intimidates differently than a bigger one does, even if they are equally competent. Men cannot pull off the “mom vibe” that can sometimes be even more effective than physical intimidation. Not all tactics work for all people. Bad things do not happen around some people because they have the kind of aura that makes people want to be good around them. Take Rory’s wife Kami, for example. Folks seem to need her to approve of them and some big, rough, tough bad men call her “ma’am” and will be happy to do whatever she says. It’s been that way for over twenty years.

      Conversely, people tend to be good in Rory’s presence because they sense that he will come down on them hard if they don’t. Lawrence is adept at keeping drunken frat boys from doing incredibly stupid things, oftentimes without needing to say a word.

      That is the very definition of presence in a force continuum—people often quit being bad when they see other people.

      There is one more intangible concept that is tied up with presence, the martial arts concept of zanshin. Humans can sense the intensity of another human being. That intensity derives from both awareness and experience. The more you have been through, the greater your intensity, your presence. The more alert you are, the more you sense and perceive, the greater your presence.

      But intensity is almost never the same as tension. Kids trying to look intense give a bug-eyed stare. Truly intense people tend to be calm, relaxed, and watchful, sometimes elaborately relaxed when everyone else is on the edge of panic.

      Experience will come with time, but you can always practice being more aware.

The Power of Authority

      There is a certain weight that we all have as humans. When someone is being bad and other people are watching, there is a glitch as the threat wonders how he looks. Humans are social primates and a lot of evolution went into developing concern about how other people perceive us.

      It is not super strong. It is strongest in asocial violence where a witness is an immediate threat to the criminal’s future. In social violence, witnesses may be the point. After all, you can’t get a reputation without witnesses.

      Just being there, however, gives a chance that the situation will defuse.

      There are other factors that can add to this base. How these factors affect the outcome depend on interplay between the threat, the behavior, and what additional signals you bring to the table.