So, a lot of the time I’ll say things like, oh, Chorlton and the Wheelies – and Graham will go, ‘What?’ So, when I’m introducing my kids to stuff, I sometimes have to introduce Graham too. I’ll go, ‘Do you not remember this?’ And he’ll go, ‘I didn’t watch telly in the 70s.’ But what about the TV that you sneaked into the vicarage?
GRAHAM: Oh yeah. I mended a telly and just put it in my room.
KATE: And your mum used to come in and watch tennis on it when your dad wasn’t looking.
GRAHAM: One day, Dad said, ‘You shouldn’t have that – you haven’t got a licence.’ I went, ‘I’ve just bought one.’
KATE: He bought his own TV licence.
GRAHAM: Mum said, ‘I think you should get rid of it.’ I said, but you’ve just been watching tennis for the past two hours, so are you sure about that? The next week they went out and bought a colour telly.
LINDA, PETE & GEORGE, CLACTON-ON-SEA
LINDA:Lassie. I used to just cry my eyes out at Lassie.
PETE:Grandstand.
LINDA: See, we’re so different.
THE X FACTOR
THE MICHAELS, BRIGHTON
ANDREW: It’s like a Victorian freak show.
THE SIDDIQUIS, DERBY
BAASIT: Jesus Christ, man. One million people haven’t got anything better to do on a Sunday night.
THE TAPPERS, NORTH LONDON
AMY: What does the ‘X’ stand for? Xylophone?
THE SIDDIQUIS, DERBY
BAASIT: You know it’s a shit performance when the first thing Dermot pays compliment to is the stage.
STEPHEN & CHRIS, BRIGHTON
STEPHEN: Nicole’s put too much bloody baby oil on, hasn’t she? She looks like someone’s just come over her. Look, she’s all jizzy.
THE VOICE
THE MOFFATTS, COUNTY DURHAM
SCARLETT: I bet George Michael’s turning in his bloody grave.
STEPHEN & CHRIS, BRIGHTON
STEPHEN: It’s enough to give your arsehole a headache.
THE WOERDENWEBERS, THE WIRRAL
RALF: It’s like karaoke after twenty pints.
BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT
THE MOFFATTS, COUNTY DURHAM
SCARLETT: The first thing that I do whenever they come on Britain’s Got Talent is Google the name. And 90 per cent of the time they’ve worked on cruise ships, they’ve done big gigs, they’ve won talent contests before. And I’m just like, this is not fair. And you should never know the sob stories.
MARK: Everybody’s got a sob story.
SCARLETT: I feel like TV lies to us. I do. That’s why I like doing Gogglebox – because people have an opinion of everybody. And then, when they get to watch you a little bit more, they get to see the real you.
STEPH & DOM, SANDWICH
STEPH: Can you imagine the interviews? ‘Have you had any shit in your life? Have you lost any parents? Give us your worst shit and then you might be worth putting out.’
