Eliza felt a little guilty as she kissed her two boys and then waved goodbye to Patty, the sitter, a sixteen-year-old sprite with freckles and loads of energy.
“We’ll be fine, Mrs. T, just go have fun,” Patty said cheerfully, bouncing a smiling Austin from her hip as little Cameron woefully stared up at her from the floor with his questioning, big brown eyes.
“Okay, we’ll be back in a few hours.” Eliza heaved a sigh, turning from Cameron, holding back tears as she heard her little boy sniffle as she headed out the door.
Her confident, redheaded friend had to practically drag her by the hand into the various mall stores, urging her to try on dresses she couldn’t afford, until she finally splurged on an outfit she couldn’t resist. It was a white silk pantsuit with a floral print that somehow made her look thin, voluptuous, and sexy all at the same time. Eliza beamed at her reflection in the dressing room mirror. In this outfit she didn’t look or feel like the frumpy, frazzled, bedraggled twenty-four-old she thought she had become. Sure, her long, black hair needed a trim, her skin could use a bit of bronzing in the sun, and her waist could stand to lose an inch or two. But in this outfit, she could see beyond all of that to the young, beautiful girl she had been before the children came along.
“You have to buy that outfit, you look amazing!” Marsha squealed with delight. Eliza did, charging the ninety-nine dollars to her credit card, once again ignoring the twinge of guilt that crept unwelcome into her psyche.
Her mood improved over drinks with Marsha to celebrate the “new” her. Marsha treated her to three large margaritas during happy hour at the Mexican tapas bar.
She felt so much better that when she got home Patty’s news didn’t phase her much—that Cameron had smacked his baby brother on the cheek, leaving behind a small, red splotch. “I sat him in time out and after that he was much better behaved,” Patty chirped. “Still, I feel terrible, but …”
“It’s okay, ish not your fault.” Eliza heard herself slur and wanted to laugh but was rational enough to know better. She scolded herself mentally and handed Patty two twenties from her wallet. “Thank you, Patty.”
“Oh, this is too much, Mrs. Trellis,” Patty objected.
“No, that’s okay, keep it, I hope we can get you to babysit again soon,” Eliza replied, her fog starting to lift a bit. If I pay her well this time, she’ll come back. And maybe she’ll overlook the fact that I’m drunk.
“Okay, if you’re sure, thanks, Mrs. T, see you again soon.”
It must have worked, Eliza congratulated herself.
It was eight o’clock when she arrived home, so the kids were both fast asleep. Eliza had just enough time to slip into the outfit she had bought, sober up with a strong cup of coffee, and brush her teeth before Alex came through the front door, as always loosening his tie, looking exhausted.
But his face perked up when he saw his wife decked out, wearing red lipstick and jewelry. Usually she didn’t even greet him, worn out herself from the kids, and was usually reading or fast asleep in the recliner, dressed in her worn, pink robe and slippers.
Without a word, she kissed him hungrily then pulled him by the tie into their bedroom, leaving him little time or inclination to ask questions or protest.
THE MORNING after was a different story.
“What is that red mark on Austin’s cheek?” Alex sat at the breakfast table eating his bowl of cereal as Eliza simultaneously handed Cameron his milk and wiped some strained bananas from the baby’s chin.
“Oh, that?” Eliza feigned indifference. “Patty said she thought Cameron may have accidentally hit his brother while they were playing.”
“That doesn’t look like an accident to me. Cameron, what did you do?” Alex addressed their older son, who looked at his father, his eyes welling with tears.
“Sorry, Daddy,” Cameron said in his little boy voice.
“Why did you hit your brother?” Alex asked, his voice rising.
“I was mad he was touching my things,” Cameron responded shyly.
“You meant to hit him?”
“Yes, but I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“Well, it looks like you did hurt him, so you need to be punished for that.” Alex stood, pulled Cameron by the arm out of his chair, spun him around, and spanked his backside twice, hard.
Eliza’s heart leaped into her throat as her older son started to cry and then ran to hide in his bedroom.
“Why did you have to do that?” She turned to face her husband.
“Because he needs to know that wasn’t okay,” Alex said evenly. “And you should be teaching him that, not relying on some babysitter to do it.”
Eliza sat silently, turning to finish feeding Austin, her heart pounding.
“By the way, how much was that new outfit you were wearing last night?”
“I’m not sure. I threw the price tag away.”
“Now that’s a lie, and you know it.” Alex was straightening his tie in the hallway mirror as he talked, his tone tinged with anger, his face turning red. “You know we can’t afford things like that. If it was more than fifty bucks, you’ll have to take it back.”
“You know I can’t do that,” Eliza retorted, wiping Austin’s chin again and standing to face her husband, who was now grabbing his suit jacket and briefcase from the adjoining living room. He headed towards the front door. “Besides, you didn’t seem to mind the price last night when you took it off me.”
Alex wheeled around. “Why, you little…” He bit back his words, his mouth a grimace, his normally handsome face turning into an ugly mask of fury. Saying nothing more, he stomped away, slamming the front door closed behind him.
Eliza sat back down at the kitchen table, put her head in her hands, and wept.
“MY HUSBAND IS A GOOD MAN, he really is, it’s just that, well, it’s my fault he’s doing the things he does now.”
Eliza blew her nose into a tissue as she sat with Marsha in the mall’s food court, her uneaten hamburger sitting cold before her. Marsha had gone with her friend to return the outfit. It was a good thing she didn’t get any makeup or food stains on it. It was Saturday, and Alex had stayed home with the boys.
Walking past storefronts all decked out for the Christmas holidays just made Eliza feel more miserable. Knowing she couldn’t spend much money, she told Marsha she had a headache and went home right after lunch. She had already done some of her Christmas shopping for the kids and her husband online, and even though she wanted to buy them more, her heart just wasn’t into it.
When she got home, Alex and the boys were napping. Eliza cheered up a bit knowing she would have a little quiet time to herself.
She sat down in the spare room that they had set up as an office and opened her laptop to check her emails. Eliza had applied for several part-time jobs and saw a few responses in her inbox. She hadn’t told Alex about it, knowing he would object to her spending any time away from the kids. “We just have to make sacrifices, and besides, any job that means we have to pay for day care won’t be worth it,” he had said. While she was barely able to fit in the data entry work she was already doing during the kids’ nap times, bed time, and “quiet” or TV time, Eliza figured perhaps she could find a way. Anything so she could have a little spending money and things didn’t feel quite so tight. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to look for something better out there.
While scrolling through her emails,