After you have a moment of disappointment, go with the flow and tailor the activity to her mood.
If she’s staring out the window, take her outside, if possible. Or find nature photos and sounds and experience those together. If she’s rocking back and forth in her chair, or repeating a folding motion, support her rhythmic movements with music or light tapping.
Make a List of Likes
Even for the most dedicated, being a care partner is not easy. Teepa Snow recommends making a list of the things you like about the person with dementia.
You might write, “I like the way he laughs.” That will direct you to watch for humorous moments. “I like her curiosity.” You can search out new projects to stimulate both of you. “I like the way he appreciates nature.” You’ll explore ways to be outside and experiment with ways to bring nature indoors.
When challenges arise in your interactions, this list reminds you to focus on the qualities you most appreciate.
Creative Sparks
Choose a quiet space relatively free of distractions. Select a time of day when you and your partner both have lively energy.
Choose a project you’d both enjoy and ready your supplies.
Issue the invitation and set the psychological stage for a failure-free activity.
Tap into your own spirit of playfulness. Take risks and try new things. Celebrate whatever happens, whether it’s an amazing watercolor drawing or yellow marks on plain white paper.
Allow the project to unfold at its own pace, offering support as necessary and encouragement along the way.
Know when to take a break. If you don’t have energy to be curious, if you’re exhausted, take a break and come back to the activity later. Otherwise you’ll feel frustrated.
If the project doesn’t go as planned, don’t worry. Go with the flow, praise the effort, and acknowledge the skill. Try again another day, choose another project, or try a variation of the activity.
Give notice when you’re winding down and offer an easy transition into whatever is next.
Thank the person for being part of this activity with you.
Meaningful Projects for People Living with Dementia and Their Care Partners
Strengthen Communications through Creativity
Explore New Ways of Connecting
Use Playfulness to Jump-Start Conversations
Discover the Creativity at the End of the Rainbow
Explore New Ways of Connecting
“Where words no longer brought us together, something richer did . . . a universal expression, a deeper knowing . . . a place where the resilient human spirit, against all odds, rises to meet itself and seek another.” —Laura Beck
Laura Beck knows firsthand the wonders of creativity and dementia. Laura, who is the Learning and Development Guide at The Eden Alternative, began her informal studies on dementia when she was in her early thirties. Her father was living in a Texas nursing home that was practicing The Eden Alternative. This philosophy, developed by Jude and Bill Thomas, MD, helps families and care professionals create quality of life through compassionate care partnerships that put the person first.
Laura’s dad had been a competitive ballroom dancer, and he resonated with music. Though he’d lost his speech, he could express himself verbally through jazz scat (rhythmic syllables, such as “be-dop-a-do-bop.”)
One evening, Laura went to visit him. She heard him singing and followed his voice to his room. He was lying in bed, his thick white hair wildly tousled, his eyes wide, and his voice loud, primal, and totally alive. To Laura, he looked like a shaman or warrior. His intense, primitive sounds startled her and for a moment, she felt so overwhelmed, she stepped out of the room.
That could be me, she thought, steadying herself against the doorframe and taking a deep breath. Once she acknowledged her feelings, she felt stronger. She walked back into the room and sat beside her father, took his hand, and stared into his hazel eyes. Each time he chanted something, she offered affirmations, saying, “Yes, I hear you.” Then she noticed he was having more fun than she was. She began responding to his chants, repeating them in a call and response. For twenty minutes, her dad called out with fiery syllables, and his daughter echoed him.
“Those were the most connected moments I ever had with him,” Laura says. “For me, that was a template for being creative in a relationship. My father brought me into the present and invited me to play.”
That experience helped Laura understand in a new way what it meant to be a care partner.
“Every moment, we’re both recipient and giver,” she says.
“Until we address our own issues with dementia and aging, we cannot step into an open and expressive care partnership.”
“During the dementia journey, creativity makes space for spontaneity and possibility,” she says. “Anytime we can listen to the wisdom of people living with dementia and give them voice and audience, we can learn something profound and powerful.”
She saw her father’s innate wisdom and realized the importance of noticing and dealing with her own fears.
“Until we address our own issues with dementia and aging, we cannot step into an open and expressive care partnership,” Laura says.
In the pages ahead, you’ll find ways to add expressiveness, comfort, playfulness, and depth into your everyday conversations.
“What if we treated people who were living with dementia like we treated children who were living with Down syndrome? What if we said Alzheimer’s syndrome instead of Alzheimer’s disease?” —Cameron Camp, PhD
Sandra’s hands are sweating as she walks into the building. She knows her father needs memory care, yet she feels sad, guilty, and worried about him living in a facility. As she waits to meet with the marketing person, a nicely dressed older gentleman approaches and introduces himself. “I’ll be taking you on a tour of the community,” Franklin says.