Tails of Recovery is about how pets came into the lives of addicts, before and after recovery, and the impact each had on the other. All of these stories are about hope and courage, pain and sorrow, happiness and joy, and grief and loss; but ultimately, these stories are about love and the absolute power it has to heal and change lives.
I would like to express my deepest appreciation to Stuart Smith for giving me the opportunity to work in the field for which I have so much passion. His vision and dedication to making recovery more available has made this book possible.
A heartfelt thank you goes to the committed and passionate staff who I work with on a daily basis (many of whom are dear friends): Frank (the best boss I’ve ever had) and Teri Szabo, Debbie Champine, Mel Pohl, MD, Heidi Gustafson, Brad Greenstein, George and Kristine Gatski, Paul Hinshaw, Bill Peiffer, Josh Koop, Vanessa Merryman, Megan Smith, Lynette Padello, Joni Baumgart, Iris and Mary Jo Granieri, Shirley Keel, Pete Rappenecker, Bob Gray, Martina Steger, Travis Shephard, Karen Krebs, Michael Weisbein, Kadie Dungey, John Lanzillotta, Sandra Michael, Lloyd Heiner, Ben Campbell, Rachel Smith, and all the managers, counselors, and staff of Las Vegas Recovery Center and Central Recovery Treatment.
Thank you to my wonderful son, Jason Morales, a gift I surely do not deserve; and to my equally wonderful daughter-in-law, Victoria Cicala and granddaughter, Alexandra Morales. You all give me such joy and inspiration. To Aunt Beverly, Greg, Chris and Irma, and Shirley who have been my mentors and role models. Thank you for showing me how to live with grace and courage.
To my best and closest friend, Pam Wright, who knew me before I got clean and still decided to stick around. Thank you for your laughter and love, which have healed me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you to my dear friend, Uschi, whose calm spirit has soothed my ragged edges. Your friendship is a gift I’ll always cherish.
Thank you to Lynn, my caring and gentle sponsor, who knows exactly what to say at the exact right time. I’ll be eternally grateful that our paths crossed. Thank you to my beautiful sponsees: Carol, JB, Maude, Sandra, and Maritza. Your strength and grace continue to give me hope on a daily basis. It is an honor to have you all in my life. To all the women in my recovery support network and to all the members of my home group, your love and support and honest sharing have helped me to stay clean one more day.
Thank you to Mayita and Jorge for welcoming me into your family. I’ll always treasure those days of great food and warm laughter.
This book is a much better work because of the collaboration of the excellent Central Recovery Press team. Thank you to my editor, Valerie Killeen, whose impeccable attention to detail and commitment to CRP’s vision is nothing short of inspirational; and to Daniel Kaelin, whose editorial acumen and willingness to go that extra mile has made such a difference in the books we publish. It is a privilege to work with you both. To CRP’s newest staff members, Dan Mager and Helen O’Reilly, thank you for providing valuable input to this book. A heartfelt thank you to Mike Donahue for his editorial guidance and insightful contributions to this book.
Thank you to Sara Streifel, designer extraordinaire, whose artistic vision helps bring our words to life.
To Amy Herzlich for her support and belief in this project. Thank you for writing such a touching foreword.
Thank you to the contributors whose honest sharing of their recovery journeys helped to give Tails of Recovery its message of hope and courage.
And finally, thank you to my soul mate, partner, and great love of my life, Tony, whose unconditional love and acceptance have brought me so much joy and peace. That love is rivaled only by our precious Sophie, whose spirit has enriched our lives beyond measure.
To protect the identities of the individuals who so graciously
shared their experiences in this book, we have changed their names
and/or used only their first names.
“Recovery gives us
to health
a road back
and true living,
but it is rarely easy.”
Living a life of recovery is redemption for many addicts. It is a haven when jail, other institutions, endless treatment centers, or death are patiently waiting at the end of the addict’s ultimate downward spiral into insanity and destruction. Few escape active addiction without damage or the need to face consequences that require reparation or restitution. We crawl into recovery beaten, scarred, and full of fear and self-loathing. By the time most of us are ready for recovery, it’s the only place left for us to go. Unfortunately, although one way or another we all reach the dead end addiction brings, there are too many who fight to stay in the ring with an opponent bent on bringing certain death.
There is no other disease like addiction. It slowly kills while whispering we are okay and that the drugs and alcohol we ingest are not really hurting us. It is a disease of denial and rationalization and knows no boundaries. Addiction destroys life; recovery gives us a road back to health and true living, but it is rarely easy.
In recovery, we learn about principles such as acceptance, unconditional love, honesty, open-mindedness, tolerance, commitment, compassion, and responsibility; hardly the things we practiced while seeking solace in the warmth of drug-induced stupors. Each twenty-four hours clean, we live and embrace every part of existence—divorce, childbirth, surgery, going to the market, cleaning our homes, nurturing our relationships, deaths of those we love, toothaches, and all the myriad combinations that make life colorful and full. Active addiction crushed us and everything else in its path like a boulder careening down a mountainside.
Before I got clean and started going to my twelve-step recovery fellowship, I was convinced I would die by a fatal overdose. I often fantasized about my funeral. Who would show up, what wonderful words would be spoken about me, how sad all my friends would be because I was no longer with them, and the freedom from misery my death would bring me. I would really get into the “drama” of it and most times ended up sobbing because I had died. Today when I look back at those times I shake my head, marveling at the explicitness and magnitude of all the details I created. It also is a vivid reminder of how desperately I wanted to escape the reality I lived in during my active addiction.
Now that I’m in recovery I don’t fantasize about dying or dread the thought of living. I wake up each day grateful for another twenty-four hours clean and look toward the unfolding day with anticipation. Granted, I don’t think or act like a “Polly Anna” every day, jumping around singing and smiling; however, I have learned to accept where I am today and not engage in self-destructive behavior. Being clean for twenty-six years and the many experiences I’ve had, in conjunction with the experience, strength, and hope shared by many others, I am acutely aware that there are no external solutions to internal problems. The more I can remain in conscious contact with the spiritual principles I’ve learned in my recovery fellowship, the better able I am to accept the full range of feelings I experience.
Recovery plants the seed of hope in all who choose to stay and grow. It is the sapling that struggles to touch the sun each day. Recovery has taught me how to be a mother, a daughter, a grandmother, a friend, a lover and partner, a gentle pet parent, a sponsor, a sponsee, and an employee. It has taught me how to love me exactly as I am. Being in recovery is the most important thing in my life, because without it, I have nothing.