Why Is Brian So Fat?. Gary Solomon

can I come in?”

      “Just a second, Mom.” Brian slammed the book tightly over the candy wrapper. Brian hid his candy wrappers all over his room so his mother wouldn’t find them. Rumps skidded his way over the hardwood floor and went crashing into the door where the sound of the knock had come from. Recovering from his tumble immediately, Rumps sat panting and waited for the arrival of the visitor.

      “Come on in, Mom. Sorry, I was just finishing getting dressed.”

      Brian had already put on his favorite oversized T-shirt and sweatpants when he had first walked in his room. But he couldn’t tell his mom what he was really doing. It’s not much of a lie, he thought to himself. She doesn’t really care anyway.

      Brian’s mom walked in and sat at his desk in the only chair in the room. It made a groaning, creaking noise as she settled into the chair.

      “Well, Brian, tomorrow is Saturday and let’s make it your day. Let’s celebrate your report card. So what would you like to do? The usual?”

      “YEAH,” Brian exclaimed. “Yeah!”

      “First, we’ll go have some breakfast with all your favorites—biscuits, sausage, and pancakes with lots of syrup. And then we’ll go play miniature golf.”

      Brian loved to play miniature golf. He didn’t have to move very fast. He never got a chance to play football, basketball, or baseball because he spent most of his time sitting on the bench.

      “Maybe we can go to that new restaurant on the other side of the hill. You know the one with the big kettle pot in front. I believe it’s called The Brass Kettle. What do you think about that?”

      “Is it any good? Do they serve a lot of food?” Brian asked.

      “Brian,” his mother said with a tone of exasperation. “Just because a restaurant serves a lot of food doesn’t mean that it’s good.”

      “Well, I’d rather go to Herb’s Hamburgers anyway. They’ve got those giant double-thick hamburgers with cheese. Plus I’m dying for a chocolate shake. I’ve been thinking about their chocolate shakes all week long.” Brian’s mother laughed aloud.

      “Well, it’s your day, and you can have whatever you want.”

      “Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot.”

      “Come on, get in bed. It’s getting late.” Brian climbed into bed. He rolled onto his squeaking bed and settled in for the night.

      “Sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite,” his mom said as she waddled down the hall. Brian could hear her heavy footsteps as she lumbered down the stairs.

      “Good night, Mom,” he called after her.

       Trouble

      Just as his mother promised, Brian had his special day on Saturday. His father didn’t go with them as he’d said he would. He had a real bad headache and said that he needed to spend the day relaxing on the couch. Madison was nowhere to be found, but that didn’t bother Brian. It wasn’t her grades that earned the special day, so why should she have the fun that goes along with it?

      In spite of his father’s absence, Brian still had a great time. He was accustomed to spending most of his time with his mom anyway. They were pals and there was no taking that away from him.