“I thought I knew Jenna’s story. I know it is one of courage and dignity in the face of unimaginable difficulty. But to read it in her mom’s words, and even in her own words, is to view it through a very different lens. This deeply moving book shows us the vulnerability of a teenager facing her own mortality, the dogged passion of a mother determined to give her child her best fighting chance, and the love of a father and sister determined to create moments of joy even in the face of their deepest fears. It is a lesson in resilience, and a real tribute to the young woman they loved so much.”
PIPPA HUDSON, TALK SHOW HOST – CAPE TALK
“This is the story of concentric waves of human connective tissue, people who entered, with open, brave and broken hearts, the kingdom of the sick, where Jenna dwelt in the last years of her short comet-like life. It is an account of a battle against impossible odds: disease, time, human error, the vagaries of medical insurance and, in the end, death – that great absence. It is the story unadorned. An account, from the heart, of a family confronted with multiple grief and suffering, who somehow keep going, buoyed by the strength, love and determination that blossomed in the wound.”
MARIANNE THAMM, AUTHOR, JOURNALIST – DAILY MAVERICK
“This is an extraordinary book about a brave young woman’s fight to keep on living. The few hours I spent with Jenna, six months before her death, left a lasting impact on me. Her story, told so tenderly by her mom, Gabi, should be read by everyone. It will make you appreciate every breath and every moment on this earth.”
MELANIE VERWOERD, AMBASSADOR AND FORMER DIRECTOR – UNICEF IRELAND
“Get Me to 21 is the beautifully written story of a mother’s epic struggle. This book will break your heart, as it simultaneously teaches lessons of grit, determination and resilience in the face of unthinkable loss. Gabi Lowe has the electrifying ability to pick you up and slam you into her – and every parent’s – worst nightmares, while gracefully and powerfully demonstrating how to survive them.”
VANESSA RAPHAELY, AUTHOR AND FORMER EDITOR – COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE
Get Me to 21
The Jenna Lowe Story
Gabi Lowe
Jenna: my beloved angel-child. So here it is. The heartbreaking truth as I remember it. I dedicate this book to you with deep love and every iota of my being. I am deeply grateful for the privilege of being your mother. You’ve left an indelible imprint on my heart, filled with your teachings and a void that will never be filled. I love you, Jenna. You have shaped the course of my life.
Kristi: my beloved earth-child. I am so proud of you. As I wrote Jen’s story I felt I unearthed a part of yours. I hope that the losses, the disappointments, joy, pain and immense trauma you have had to deal with will enrich your life in ways you have yet to discover. I love you with all my heart and dedicate this book to you in the belief that a part of you will be set free by the telling of the story. Maybe you will write your own story one day.
Stuart: the love of my life, my rock. Your fierce love and support of me, of us all, your unfailing courage, your wisdom, humour and passion are a guiding light in my life. Thank you for helping to keep me on course, for holding me and loving me unwaveringly in the face of a parent’s worst nightmare. I dedicate this book to you, with all my love and gratitude for your unquestionable belief in me and in us, for better, or worse, in sickness and in health. I love you.
Foreword
This is the story of Jenna Lowe, her family – mom Gabi, dad Stuart and sister Kristi – and the concentric waves of human connective tissue – cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, friends, lovers and strangers – who entered, with open, brave and broken hearts, the kingdom of the sick, where Jenna dwelt in the last years of her short comet of a life.
It is an account of a battle against impossible odds: disease, time, human error, the vagaries of medical insurance and, in the end, death – that great absence.
It is the story unadorned.
It is an account, from the heart, of a family confronted with multiple grief and suffering, who somehow kept going, buoyed by the strength, love and determination that blossomed in the wound.
Jenna Lowe died on Monday, 8 June 2015, four months before her 21st birthday on 28 October. She had hoped to make it to the celebration with the help of a pair of donor lungs to replace her own, which were steadily being throttled by the then under-diagnosed, life-threatening pulmonary hypertension.
With truly superhuman powers, this family girded its loins against death and the challenges and impossible demands of rare disease.
In the years since Jenna’s death much has been accomplished in raising awareness about PH, not only in South Africa but also in the US, the UK and Europe. The Jenna Lowe Trust and the boundaries it has succeeded in shifting – the provision of treatment and medication and other aids for those living with PH – is only one of Jenna’s legacies.
She lives on also in the academic award that bears her name at Herschel Girls School, which she attended and where she excelled.
The lives of the Lowe family and that of my own are intertwined through a friendship spanning almost 30 years. As a young couple, Gabi and Stu, glamorous and successful, outgoing, intelligent, with a wide circle of friends, radiated a tangible lust for life. We called them our “Peter Stuyvesant” friends after the cigarette ads of the 1970s featuring healthy, tanned jet-setters living the life.
Theirs was a life built on poise, resolve and hard work.
We were introduced to Jenna in 1994 in Gabi and Stu’s sunny cottage in Oranjezicht. A baby with curious, dark playful eyes, Jenna took it all in from the start. The world, for Jenna, was a wide open canvas. Later, when she found the language to articulate her investigations of the universe, she could mistakenly come across as precocious.
At eight, Jenna wrote a book, a story about a girl who falls ill after stepping on a poisoned thorn and who must find a magic cure. The story for the child in The Magic Bissie Tree ends happily, the sickness beaten back.
But in real life, not for Jenna and all who loved and came to know her.
It was philosopher Susan Sontag, in her now classic 1978 “inquiry”, Illness as Metaphor, who defined the two kingdoms – that of the well and that of the sick – and reminded us that we all carry dual citizenship. It was Sontag who remarked that “the most truthful way of regarding illness – and the healthiest way of being ill – is one most purified of, most resistant to, metaphoric thinking”.
Here it is then.
The story of a family and a community, an account of horror and triumph, exasperation and courage.
A real story, stripped of baubles and platitudes, purified of unnecessary metaphor, carried by tenderness, wisdom and love.
This is what it takes, blow by blow, to fight back.
And what it takes to get up again when you lose.
Jenna Lowe fought to live. Her remarkable courage and wit are revealed here in Gabi’s account not only of her daughter’s slow death, but also her full, busy and beautiful life, who Jenna was before PH, according to her lioness of a mom.
You will find here on these pages also the courage and the wisdom Jenna found between the fear, anxiety and the pain, while knowing and understanding all the while that she might not make it.
Death, be not proud.
Marianne Thamm
Cape Town, May 2019
Prologue
It’s been three long excruciating years