For me, family primarily means my wife, Christie, and two daughters, Chardonae and Brielyn. I value their opinions above all others. My family means everything to me; they help me maintain my purpose. They are a big reason why I am so motivated to embody the five Fs as diligently as I do. They give meaning and context to many of the decisions I make and offer me insight and guidance. When faced with a tough decision, I often ask myself what my family would think about it. My moral compass is best directed with one question: Am I being the type of man I would want my daughters to marry? If the answer is no, then I have to challenge myself with other questions: Why did I act that way; why did I have that thought; why did I speak that way to my wife?
Do you see where I’m going with this? If you’re still not sure what I mean, let’s explore the other side of the coin. What if you didn’t have the support of your family, close friends, co-workers and peers? How would that make you feel?
If I were to say to one of my daughters, when they were facing a challenge, “Give up now; you’re never going to get it,” how would the family wall of her house look? I might as well knock it down with a sledgehammer.
I’ve coached many people who have told me that their family doesn’t support them on their path to becoming healthier. For example, “My husband loves me, but he keeps bringing home pizza and chips for the kids, when he knows I want to start eating better,” or, “I really feel alone. No one believes I can do it. Heck, I don’t know if I can do it. Why am I doing this, and what’s the point?”
“Keep moving forward!”
9
whole life fitness
We need connection and a sense of belonging to our group, team, or tribe—our family. It’s a slippery slope we find ourselves on when we’ve either lost, or never had, that kind of support. We tend to drift aimlessly through life when we feel isolated and alone. But when you feel happy and loved, flavours take on new dimension, and colours seem more vibrant.
In Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman explains how the human need to connect is as fundamental to our survival as food and water. Children feel hurt when their social bonds are threatened or cut, which increases the likelihood of health and academic problems later in life.
Personally, I think John Lennon said it best: All you need is love.
Of course, we’re all human, with complex emotions that sometimes get the best of us. It’s only natural to lose our cool from time to time, and to disagree with the people closest to us. I know I’ve had less-than-proud moments when I have lost my temper with my family. All through the day, all I would think about was how I’d lashed out at my wife or children, replaying the scene in my mind over and over again. I’d feel so badly about myself that I would make bad decisions at work and eat poorly, if at all. Those times really sucked!
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