[TIP] Give them a few minutes to do this. Then, thank them and politely ask them to sit down.
Before we do anything else, I’d like to make a few preliminary comments.
Formal Introduction
[BOOK] Chapter 2
Life is hard, and so is marriage. Having a great marriage takes work and lots of it. But it can also bring you tremendous joy. A good marriage is like a long and engaging conversation.
Here are some important things to keep in mind throughout the workshop:
1. You are a sinner.
2. Your husband or wife married a sinner.
3. If you’ve been married and are now single, your spouse was a sinner, and he or she also married one—you.
4. None of us loves the Lord, our God, with all our heart, strength, mind, and soul.
5. None of us loves our neighbor as much as, deep down, we love ourselves.
Knowing That versus Knowing How
[BOOK] Chapter 2
[TIP] It’s important that they understand, at the outset, that there are two very different kinds of knowledge.
I would now like to say a few words about two different kinds of knowing. One is knowing that and the other is knowing how.
You could spend three lifetimes learning all about bicycles. For example, you could learn all about how spinning wheels keep it upright. This is called the gyroscopic effect. And, you could learn how gears work and why friction applied through brake pads slows the bicycle down. These are all examples of knowing that.
None of this would get you one step closer to learning to ride a bicycle. Riding involves knowing how.
This workshop will give you plenty of information. It will be rich in content, so that you’ll come out of it knowing quite a bit. There will be plenty of content, plenty of knowing that.
But it will also provide you with constructive practice. You will actually do things to strengthen your marriage. So, we will also focus on knowing how.
What you experience will probably be memorable.
I will do nothing that should cause you to feel awkward or embarrassed. We are all members of the Body of Christ, and I intend to treat you as my beloved brothers and sisters.
No Psychology As Religion
I also want to assure you that I’m not going to tell you anything that is contrary to the gospel. There will be no psychology as the new religion. To use the Apostle Paul’s words, you’re not going to run into any sort of “new gospel.”
Use of Scripture
Throughout the workshop, I’m going to cite passages of Scripture. Please apply the verses to yourself in your marriage, not just to others you encounter in church or on the street. Meditate on the Word of God. Store it in your heart.
Let’s turn, now, to a few different ways of thinking about the gospel.
What the Gospel Means in Marriage
[BOOK] Chapter 2
How would you define the gospel?
[TIP] For this and any other question you ask during the workshop, if the room is quiet for ten or fifteen seconds, don’t rush in to fill the silence. Trust the group. They’re highly unlikely to endure silence for long. Someone will say something. Be patient with their answers.
Here are some of the answers you might hear:
• Jesus Christ died for our sins.
• He died in our place and paid the penalty for sin.
• God calls or has called us to himself.
• We’ve been given a full pardon.
• God has elected us.
Some have said that the gospel is that God loves us. That’s true of course. But it’s only half the story. The gospel, as applied to our lives, is God loves us anyway. He loves us in spite of ourselves.
The idea behind a great marriage is to love your spouse anyway.
Before we go any further, I want to suggest two rules of engagement.
Rules of Engagement
[BOOK] Chapter 2
I’d like to ask you to adhere to a couple of principles. You can think of them as rules of engagement that I’m asking you to honor.
[TIP] The following one is important to verbalize because you may have to say to a participant, now and then, that you’ll get back to that later (if this is true), or that the two of you can discuss the issue privately during the next break. Do not let anyone hijack the workshop. If someone is monopolizing the conversation, look away from that person, and politely but firmly redirect the discussion.
The first is that you be tolerant of my desire to move us along. We have a lot to cover, and I want to make sure you get everything you can from our time together.
The second rule of engagement is that you make no killer statements. This is unlikely to happen. Still, I’d like to give you two examples of killer statements.
“My husband is so lazy that I can’t believe I married him.”
“My wife hounds me so much, I just tune her out.”
These kinds of comments should not be aired in public. They really shouldn’t be said at all. They are not constructive or edifying.
I want to comment quickly on what a workshop is, and on how this one is organized.
A Workshop of Modules
A workshop is different from a seminar. In a seminar, you may learn a lot of content, but you usually don’t do anything. There’s a lot of knowing that but not much knowing how. A workshop involves active participation, so that you walk away with new or enhanced skills or abilities. So, workshops involve both kinds of learning. You learn that but you also learn how.
Our workshop today is made up of modules. Most of them will be short. Each module is an individual unit that builds on the ones before it.
Onward.
Preview of Where We’re Going
[BOOK] Chapter 2
I want to give you an idea of what we’re going to address in the workshop. So, I’ll give you a quick preview. We’ll discuss the following:
• What communication is and what it isn’t.
• The nature of good and not-so-good marriages.
• Some basic characteristics (dimensions) of all relationships.
• The nature of divorce and what predicts it.
• Recognizing what you most appreciate about your spouse.
• Expressing appreciation to each other.
• Basic male and female differences.
• Modes of expressing love.
• Sharing beliefs and desires about these modes.
• Principles for constructive discussions (rules for fair arguing).
• Marriage as ongoing negotiation and what good negotiators do.
• Do’s and don’ts in the area of sexuality.
• Resentment as lethal to communication.
• Humor—when to use it and when not to.
• What every man and woman wants to hear.
• Developing a private marital