Leader’s Guide
for Workshops Based on
Staying One
How to Avoid a Make-Believe Marriage
Clinton W. McLemore
Staying One
How to Avoid a Make-Believe Marriage: Leader’s Guide
Copyright © 2017 Clinton W. McLemore. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.
Cascade Books
An Imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers
199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3
Eugene, OR 97401
www.wipfandstock.com
paperback isbn: 978-1-4982-9551-2
hardcover isbn: 978-1-5326-1172-8
ebook isbn: 978-1-4982-9552-9
Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Names: McLemore, Clinton W. | McLemore, Anna M.
Title: Staying one : how to avoid a make-believe marriage: leader’s guide / Clinton W. McLemore with Anna M. McLemore.
Description: Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2017
Identifiers: isbn 978-1-4982-9551-2 (paperback) | isbn 978-1-5326-1172-8 (hardcover) | isbn 978-1-4982-9552-9 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Married people—Psychology. | Married people—Conduct of life.
Classification: BV835 M252 2017 (print) | BV835 (ebook)
Manufactured in the U.S.A. May 15, 2017
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Workshop Leader’s Guide
Staying One
Introduction: Thank you for choosing to lead a workshop based on Staying One: How to Avoid a Make-Believe Marriage. This guide is intended to help you do this by decreasing the amount of preparation time you’ll need and by providing you with a script from which you can choose what to include, what to leave out, and what to say differently.
It is important to encourage participants in the workshop to read Staying One ahead of time, and at various places in the workshop, they will need to refer to it.
It’s also important that each person have his or her own Workbook. These booklets provide an easy and efficient way for participants to write down and save their answers to the exercises and to make notes on what their spouses say.
As much as you can, use examples from your own life to illustrate key points. Just be sure that such examples are brief, well-organized, and carefully chosen. Make sure that each example crisply demonstrates what you’re trying to get across.
I emphasize in the book how communication is about connecting. Speaking from experience is often the best way to connect. Sharing personally has the additional benefit of encouraging candor in participants.
It is important to rehearse ahead of time what you’re going to share. This will help you move along quickly and thereby keep the primary focus on your audience.
You may be able to complete the entire workshop in one day, although to do this you will either have to move along briskly or omit some sections, perhaps the ones marked optional. As the workshop progresses, there are more and more exercises for participants to complete. It is designed to move from acquiring information to improving skills.
It’s a good idea to announce a five- to six-minute break after the first forty to forty-five minutes, and thereafter to take additional short breaks every two hours or so. I’ve found that if I announce to an audience that we’re going to take a six-minute break, it usually takes at least ten minutes to get everyone seated and to resume.
Throughout this Guide, you will find sentences and paragraphs you can use to lead the workshop. These are the indented paragraphs. Feel free to use your own words if doing that feels more natural. After the symbol [TIP], you will find suggestions and reminders that may assist you as the facilitator and presenter. These are for you and are not intended for participants. The symbol [BOOK] indicates where in Staying One you will find material corresponding to what you are presenting.
A good workshop starts with solid content, which I hope we’ve provided in the book. But the art of facilitating a good workshop has to do with two other things. First, you have to practice enough beforehand so that you can deliver the material smoothly and efficiently. Second, there’s the issue of pacing. If you move too quickly through the material, you may lose your audience, and if you move too slowly, they will likely become bored and mentally check out.
It is important to become familiar with the entire contents of this Guide before you lead a workshop. The best way to do this is to say out loud everything you intend to say to participants. This should ensure that it moves along quickly and that it flows smoothly.
Having participants sit at eight- to twelve-person tables may work well. The important thing is to make it easy for them to get up and move around, since they have to do this to complete many of the exercises. They will need a reasonable amount of privacy, so try to use a room that allows couples to talk by themselves, which they will have to do from time to time during the workshop.
What appears below has been based on the detailed outline we use to facilitate marriage workshops. If you prepare diligently and follow it closely, the odds are high that you will lead a workshop that is highly successful.
Opening Prayer
[TIP] Begin the workshop with prayer. Or, ask a participant you know well to pray; just be sure to ask that person ahead of time to make sure he or she is comfortable doing this.
Introductory Comment
[TIP] It is important that participants know that they will not be put on the spot. Attending a marriage workshop can be anxiety producing. This is partly because people naturally fear embarrassment. Perhaps introduce the workshop with something like this:
This workshop has been designed for couples wanting to strengthen and deepen their marriages. In it, you’ll be given many opportunities to practice specific skills. I want to assure you, at the outset, that all of this practice will be private, within your marriage, and I will not ask you to communicate anything to anyone other than your spouse.
What we are going to do today involves learning and listening—you’re here because you want to understand how to have the best marriage you can. But it also involves doing. Many of the modules in this workshop include exercises for you to do alone or with your husband or wife. But, again, none of these is likely to cause you embarrassment.
Warm-Up
[TIP] This activity will help break the ice and get participants doing something immediately.
I’d like to ask you all to stand up.
[TIP] You may have to nudge them a little.
Men, please introduce yourself to three other men.