To Form Meaningful Relationships
In building relationships, we cannot be overly concerned with ourselves but must consider the needs and wants of others. It is through effective communication that our basic physical and social needs are met.
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Psychologists tell us that we need other people just as we need water, food, and shelter. When we are cut off from human contact, we become disoriented and maladjusted, and our life itself may be placed in jeopardy. People who are isolated from others—people who lack satisfying social relationships—are more likely to experience health problems and to die earlier than those who have an abundance of satisfying relationships.
Communication offers each of us the chance to satisfy what psychologist William Schutz calls our “needs for inclusion, control, and affection.”15 The need for inclusion is our need to be with others, our need for social contact. We like to feel that others accept and value us, and we want to feel like a full partner in a relationship. The need for control is our need to feel that we are capable and responsible, that we are able to deal with and manage our environment. We also like to feel that we can influence others. The need for affection is our need to express and receive love. Because communication allows each of these needs to be met, we are less likely to feel unwanted, unloved, or incapable if we are able to communicate meaningfully with others.
Communication also gives us the chance to share our personal reality with people from our own and different cultures. Whether we live in an East Coast urban area, a southern city, a desert community, a home in sunny California, a village in Asia, a plain in Africa, or a town in the Middle East, we all engage in similar activities when we communicate. We may use different symbols, rely on different strategies, and desire different outcomes, but the processes we use and the motivations we have are strikingly alike. Equally significant is the fact that insensitivity to another’s needs and preferred ways of interacting can hamper our ability to relate effectively.
To Influence Others
During all kinds of communication, we have ample opportunities to influence each other subtly or overtly. We spend a great deal of time trying to persuade others to think as we think, do what we do, like what we like. Sometimes our efforts meet with success. In any case our experiences with persuasion afford each of us the chance to influence others so that we may try to realize our personal and professional goals.
For Career Development
Employers are concerned about the lack of communication skills in new hires. In fact, most are less concerned about technical skills and more concerned with the abilities of potential employees to relate to and engage with others in the workplace.16 Among the perennial complaints of employers are the poor written communication and presentation abilities of applicants, along with their lack of interpersonal skills. Employers report that recent college graduates tend to ramble when asked to explain something, have difficulty making a point, and are prone to sending e-mails and texts that are far too casual for the professional world.17
As we noted earlier in this chapter, a positive relationship exists between the ability to communicate and career success. Employers seek to hire those who know how to make communication work. If you develop the ability to speak so that others listen, listen when others speak, critically evaluate what you read and hear, adapt to differences in cultural perspectives, handle conflicts and solve problems, and make sound decisions, then you will exhibit skills valued by employers.18
Career Builder: Professional Challenges and Future Me
1 Using what you have learned to this point, explain what you think distinguishes an effective communicator in the workplace from a poor one.
2 Elaborate on how improving a specific communication skill could benefit you professionally in the future.
3 Identify the pros and cons of virtual versus face-to-face workplace interactions.
4 Explain how improving communication skills will enable you to make a difference in your workplace.
Communication Skills
Practice Effective Communication
The primary purpose of this book is to help you gain an understanding of communication and to assist you in developing your interpersonal, small-group, public, and digital and social media skills. Engaging with the following tasks will give you a great start.
Become actively involved in studying communication.
Once you commit to putting the principles we discuss into practice, you are on your way to becoming a better communicator. Use the learning objectives in this text to clarify your personal communication objectives. Use the embedded self-assessments and boxed features to further explore what you must know and do to become a more effective communicator.
Make the effort to increase both your self-awareness and your awareness of others by developing the following assets.
An appreciation of the extent to which gender, culture, and digital and social media affect communication
The capacity to listen to and process information
Sensitivity to silent messages that you and others send
Knowledge of how words affect us
An understanding of how relationships develop
A realization of how feelings and emotions affect relationships
The ability to disagree without being disagreeable
An understanding of how beliefs, values, and attitudes affect the formulation and reception of messages and the development of speaker-audience relationships
Believe in yourself.
Above all else, you need to believe that you are worth the time and effort required to develop your communication skills. You also need to believe that developing these skills will improve the quality of your life immeasurably.
Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.
Brian Tracy
Complete this Chapter 1 Checklist
Become a Word Master
channels 7
communication 4
communication presence 2
context 9
digital and social media 6
effect 9
essentials of communication 7
ethics 13
external feedback 9
feedback 9
group communication 5
human capital 4
internal feedback 9
interpersonal communication