Staying One
HOW TO AVOID A MAKE-BELIEVE MARRIAGE
A Workshop for Individuals, Couples, and Groups
Clinton W. McLemore
with Anna M. McLemore
Staying One
How to Avoid a Make-Believe Marriage
Copyright © 2017 Clinton W. McLemore. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.
Cascade Books
An Imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers
199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3
Eugene, OR 97401
www.wipfandstock.com
paperback isbn: 978-1-4982-9418-8
hardcover isbn: 978-1-4982-9420-1
ebook isbn: 978-1-4982-9419-5
Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Names: McLemore, Clinton W. | McLemore, Anna M.
Title: Staying one : how to avoid a make-believe marriage / Clinton W. McLemore with Anna M. McLemore.
Description: Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2017 | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: isbn 978-1-4982-9418-8 (paperback) | isbn 978-1-4982-9420-1 (hardcover) | isbn 978-1-4982-9419-5 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Married people—Psychology. | Married people—Conduct of life.
Classification: BV835 M251 2017 (print) | BV835 (ebook)
Manufactured in the U.S.A. January 9, 2017
Copyright Notifications
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are from the King James Bible.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NRSV) are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (REB) taken from the Revised English Bible, copyright © Cambridge University Press and Oxford University Press 1989. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (RSV) are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
“Drawing on years of clinical and personal experience, Clinton and Anna McLemore have written a down-to-earth book filled with nuggets of practical wisdom. The text is peppered with exercises that, if completed with open minds and hearts, will help steer couples of all ages and stages toward deeper connection and more satisfying marriages. This book is a gift to couples and the churches who care about them.”
—Cameron Lee, Ph.D, CFLE, Professor of Family Studies, Fuller Theological Seminary
“Clinton and Anna McLemore have created a valuable roadmap for any couple interested in learning how to create the marriage they have always wanted. The combination of biblical truth, psychological research, and the wisdom of lived experience make Staying One: How to Avoid a Make-Believe Marriage an invaluable tool for building an authentic, real-life, passionate marriage!”
—Laura Robinson Harbert, M.Div., Ph.D, Former Dean of the Chapel and Spiritual Formation, Fuller Theological Seminary
Other Books by Clinton W. McLemore
CLERGYMAN’S PSYCHOLOGICAL HANDBOOK: Clinical Information for Pastoral Counseling
THE SCANDAL OF PSYCHOTHERAPY: A Guide to Resolving the Tensions between Faith and Counseling
GOOD GUYS FINISH FIRST: Success Strategies from the Book of Proverbs for Business Men and Women
HONEST CHRISTIANITY: Personal Strategies for Spiritual Growth
STREET-SMART ETHICS: Succeeding in Business without Selling Your Soul
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO CHANGE THEM: Health and Holiness in Everyday Life
INSPIRING TRUST: Strategies for Effective Leadership
To Ken and Lisa . . . in Honor of Their Marriage
Acknowledgments
For years, we have attended Aliso Creek Church, which has proven to be an enormous blessing. Both of us vividly recall the first time we went to a worship service there and Dr. and Mrs. J. C. Cobo turned around to welcome us warmly. Those few seconds were predictive of what we have continued to experience from everyone at ACC.
As we write this, we can picture many people in our congregation, which puts us in mind of the moving chorus, “They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love.”1 It is based on John 13:35. Our fellow church members are recognizable by their love.
They are also highly intelligent and deeply reflective. We frequently leave our Sunday School class almost speechless. The insights that come from the minds and hearts of those who attend are astonishing. In response to a few initial questions, the members of the class are off into the spiritual stratosphere.
We also want to acknowledge how much we’ve enjoyed and been enriched by our small group that meets on Thursday evenings. In it, we explore passages of Scripture, share what’s going on in our lives, and pray together. The richness of that hour and a half continues to grow.
The senior pastor of our church, Rev. Thomas G. Gastil, is luminescently intelligent, multidimensionally gifted, and wonderfully open. It’s a great tribute to Tom that he has refused to retreat into the bunker of ministerial professionalism.2 Week after week, his sermons are saturated with unwavering proclamation of the gospel. They are thought provoking, theologically insightful, and spiritually challenging.
Staying One came about as a result of a workshop we conducted for a group of five churches. The workshop turned out to have an even greater positive impact than we’d first hoped, so it made sense to capture its contents in a book. Sharon Rockwell, an experienced lay counselor, first recognized the need for a workshop on marriage. She is talented and tireless. We very much appreciate all the work she invested to ensure that everything connected with it ran smoothly.
Our daughter, Anna-Marie, continues to act as literary advisor and gracious critic. For over a decade, she has painstakingly gone through every word of Clinton’s books multiple