“Then it was my turn. I nearly ran out of the tent, for my spine tingled and my hands shook. ‘You need not fear me, child. Your death will come from water, not from human hands—and it will come too soon. Keep away from the sea if you can, though your death will find you all the same.’ I began to cry, angry and embarrassed that my fortune seemed all of death instead of love. She cocked her head to one side and then reached for my cross, the one Papa made for me before I left home. She put one finger out to trace it, then jerked back as though the pewter had burned her skin. ‘In listening you will find your gift. In others’ pain will be your freedom. Your faith will burn you and demand much, and it will hold you when all else fails.’ Then she hurried out of the tent, leaving us to stare at one another in confusion.
“I felt so frightened, Mama. Death by water! And yet I tried to remind myself that in our baptisms, we are already drowned—and then brought to new life. But she also said my death would come too soon. Pray for my safety, Mama, even though I know you do not hold to fortunetellers. Perhaps I should not have told you, but I feel better writing it out and remembering that often it is out of a need for income that older women pretend to see the future, when all that they are doing is guessing in the dark. At least her last words were true and good: I know that my faith will hold me when all else fails. Jesus has never let me down.
“Give my best to Papa and to Allan. Tell the cows I will be back by next fall and they should be good to you. I hope that your sight is holding steady; I know how much you love to see the beauty around you—and the art that you create. God is faithful, Mama. We know that well. Blessings be upon you. With much love, Anna.”
I looked up. Susannah’s eyes were full of tears. “You read well, Gabriela. Thank you.” It was clear that one letter would be enough for now. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, quietly stroking a purring Ebenezer, and I knew she would soon be napping. I ran my hands over the pages of Anna’s letter, imagining her up late by candlelight, writing in the bedroom of an inn. I saw again in my mind’s eyes the beautiful dancing girl by the barn. Why had her fortune been so dark? Could she have come home safely by the roads if she had spurned the sea? Foolish questions. She was long gone, though she felt real and vital to me through her letters, through the strong, even strokes of her pen. I longed to meet her companions, to learn what had become of them. Had Molly found her green boar—and Lily the wise older man who saw beyond her faults? Did Katherine find peace in her faith? I went to bed with my mind full of questions and a deep interest to read further.
That night I had a strange dream. I stood at a distance from the fortuneteller’s booth at the midsummer fair. I watched the three girls go in, giggling. And then I saw the teller hurry out the back. In a wide arc around the tent, she came straight to me. She grabbed my hand and pulled it to her, opening the fingers only to find that I held Anna’s cross. She grimaced, shook her head. “Why won’t he let me be?” she asked as though to herself. Then she took my other hand and peered through tired eyes at my palm. “Many losses in youth, a long journey, welcome at the sign of a green lion. Do not doubt your gift; do not hide your strength. You will see things you wish not to see, but they will guide your way. Another who cannot see will lead you. Still Another who sees all will scald your heart and yet give you joy.” She dropped my hand and turned. Suddenly all around me was fog. Out of the fog I heard the clang of a ship’s bell, the calling of seafarers in distress. Through the fog I glimpsed three men and two women aboard a small dinghy. Waves threatened to overturn the vessel, but the men seemed assured as they plied their oars slowly, as calmly as possible in the midst of a treacherous sea. “Death by water,” came the voice of the teller, who came up behind me and laughed bitterly in my ear. “Death by water for one so young and fair.”
One of the women turned my way, and I saw Anna’s face, pale yet peaceful. She had both hands wrapped tightly around the pewter cross at her neck, and she was praying, her lips moving and her eyes shut tight. Suddenly the woman next to her tore at Anna’s hands so violently that the delicate chain at her neck snapped. She reached for Anna’s cross, took it from her startled companion, and tossed it as far into the sea as she could. Anna just stared at her, bereft and frightened.
“You bring bad luck wherever you go. Your cross was cursed!”
“Oh, Isabella . . .” Anna bent her head, weeping and praying, weeping and praying, as the boat sought a shore that could not be seen.
I awoke with a gasp, troubled and heavy-hearted. The images of the dream stayed with me through the morning as I went about the chores and daily routine. Had I seen the past, as my sight sometimes permitted me by day, or was it only a flight of imagining, brought on by the troubling passages of Anna’s letter?
It seemed to me that Susannah watched me carefully throughout the day. Yet how could that be, with her blind eyes? She held herself attentive and alert in other ways, as though taking in all the clues that my movements and sighs and pace of work could give her. At day’s end, instead of asking me to read another of Anna’s letters, she spoke the question that had been reflected all day in her behavior. “Gabriela, I can tell that something is troubling you. What is it?” And so I recounted my dream to her, with as much detail as I had courage to share. For a while she sat in a quiet peace, as though settling something within herself. Then she turned back to me.
“Brie, Anna has been gone from us for eight years now. We have missed her and grieved her, but we have peace about her passing. It seems that in carrying that pewter cross, you have been given a connection to her story, perhaps even to her memories. Do not let them weigh you down.
“After long years of living, it seems to me that we spend so much time trying to sort things out inside ourselves, hiding them or fighting them or even avoiding them. The key is to quiet the competing voices and listen deeply for God. Have you asked him lately what he is asking of you? Have you inquired why this connection with Anna exists? Do not run from this gift; run toward it and see what might grow out of its turmoil.
“You have been such a help to me of late, as the colder weather draws near. I know that I have thanked you, but you also haven’t taken much Sabbath rest in your desire to serve and assist me. Take a day tomorrow, Gabriela. It looks to be a fair one. Take a day to yourself for listening, for opening yourself to the Lord’s voice.”
I felt surprised at her suggestion. I wondered if perhaps she wanted a day to herself and this gave her an excuse. But as I watched her face, she smiled, and I felt her growing love for me. She held it out as gift. Why should I look further?
The day dawned clear and mild, one of those unexpectedly lovely autumn days that shine with a clear and bracing internal light. I packed a small lunch and made ready. As I approached the door, Susannah called my name. “Gabriela, blessings on your journey.”
“I’ll be back by sunset,” I clarified.
“I know that. It’s just that some short days lead us on longer journeys than a year ever reveals when we are not paying attention.”
I headed off down the track, past the barn, then much later past the tree where I had unsuccessfully hidden myself from Allan. A few hundred yards onward, the way broadened, and I saw that it divided, leading away in two directions. Which way should I take? I paused, listening to see if God would offer any guidance. Suddenly, a sound off to my right made me jump. It was only an irritable squirrel, chiding me for surprising him, but somehow I saw it as invitation: take the right-hand path.
Bedraggled weeds congested both the edges and the center of the worn pathway. It seemed this was not the main thoroughfare. The track wound down, with dappled shadow, and I was glad of my cloak and the unseasonably warm day. I had walked perhaps a mile and a half when the way opened out onto a promontory, with a few twisted trees and shrubs but mostly a bleak terrain. I gazed out over a wild ocean and jagged