Whenever there is unjust criticism it only means that the prejudice is still there. Therefore I do not see why I should continue to visit you if there is no sincere acceptance of me. It is utterly impossible for me to be where I am not wanted, knowing how you really feel, the snide remarks made by Lloyd about my trips when I have suffered from these trips and made them only to earn the extra means to go on happy vacations with Rupert. I am not happy in your presence knowing all this. I know you tried, but you must be aware of the insincerity between us. For instance, when I write you affectionate or admiring letters, you say I flatter you. When I give you my true opinion about something, you say I criticize you. Everything I do you have misinterpreted.
I feel that we have now had sufficient time to discover whether we understand one another. I respect Lloyd greatly as an artist and I thought he would understand me as an artist. I respected you greatly as a wonderful mother and thought that as a mother you would recognize my love and total devotion to Rupert and be glad of that. I have never once caused Rupert any pain or anger or disappointment. I believed this would be enough to create a bond between us.
Now I feel that it would be more sincere for me to stay away and to let you enjoy your relationship with Rupert without my unwanted presence.
Anaïs
FEBRUARY 21, 1951
New York; Peggy Glanville-Hicks has surgery.
NEW YORK, MARCH 1951
A Spy in the House of Love was submitted to:
Scribner’s
G. P. Putnam’s Sons
Farrar Straus and Hal Vursell
Harper Brothers
Pellegrini and Cudahy, Coley Taylor
The Bobbs Merrill Co., Hiram Haydn
Macmillan’s
Viking Press
New Directions, James Laughlin
Fragment “Donald” (from Spy) was submitted to:
Harper’s Bazaar, returned
New Story magazine, accepted
Kenyon Review, returned
New Mexico Review, returned
Books translated are:
Ladders to Fire Holland, Uitgeverij De Driehook
Under a Glass Bell, Italy, Arnoldo Mondadori
Children of the Albatross, Sweden, Wahlstrom and Widstrand
Books published in England
Under a Glass Bell, London, Editions Poetry
Harper’s Bazaar published a fragment of “Stella” from Ladders to Fire in 1947 but refused fragments from Children of the Albatross, from The Four-Chambered Heart and from A Spy in the House of Love.
Tiger’s Eye published a fragment from two novels but is now no longer in the market.
Books are being considered by other publishers in Italy through an introduction by Mrs. Murray who represents Mondadori, as a personal favor and advice because Mondadori’s list is overcrowded and will take years to catch up with my work.
Max Pfeffer is now my literary agent.
In France Serge Ouveroff is handling the books as Mr. Pfeffer’s agent, and I am writing him for a report.
Copyrights returned to me on Ladders to Fire (E. P. Dutton)
Children of the Albatross copyright belongs to me
Under a Glass Bell copyright in my name
The Four-Chambered Heart copyright in my name
Letter from Anaïs Nin to Rupert Pole:
New York, Friday, March 16, 1951
Darling Chiquito, No letter from you today.
I won’t inflict you anymore with emotional reactions to your family’s behavior as I have quietly found the reason and can now be objective, and not care. It reminded me exactly of the destructive, hopeless, incurable, bitter attitude of Miller and Gonzalo, and how I tried to help cure them with no result except harm to myself. I hate war above all things, in the world as well as in families. I want understanding and love. It was good I came away to get a grip on my feelings. One never escapes pain anyway—when you get away from it, it follows you because life is full of repetitions. I escaped with you into a different world and met the same neurotic destructiveness as in your home; that’s why I reacted as I did.
Please take my books away from your home. I don’t want them there. I don’t want their comments and opinions. Will you please humor me in this? Tell me how you feel, whether your strength has come back. Sleep a lot, darling. Our trip to Mexico won’t be restful.
Te beso fuerte
A.
Letter from Anaïs Nin to Rupert Pole:
New York, March 18, 1951
Oh darling! I didn’t mean to wake you up when I called! I calculated two hours’ difference instead of three. Also I had to call when I was alone in the apartment. So sorry, darling. Your cold is still there, I could hear. You are right about a change of clothes. I also have to leave some things I won’t need.
The most pleasant friendship I made this time was with Maxwell Geismar, the critic, and his wife. They are the best kind of intelligent Jews, very much like Ruth, but happily married and with children. She is his collaborator. We had a fine evening of book talk last night. He is engaged in a history of American literature. Lusty and humorous.
Love, I send you Ladders to Fire in Dutch, a rather pretty book they did and which is a success—why in Holland, I don’t know. Is it the love of opposites? Can you see a Dutch maiden reading me? Still no money from Mondadori in Italy. Max Pfeffer, my agent, thinks we’ll have to go and collect it.
You didn’t say whether you got the plastic whiskey bottle and whether you wanted another.
About our trip: are you bringing the grill to cook out of doors and a few cases of soup for your anti-pepper wife? A few cases of milk too. I hope we don’t go to the cold places! You need sun and softness, and I need you!
My list for Mexico with you:
Sandals (white, tan, etc.)
Walking boots
Grey raincoat
Travel suit—wide skirt, little cape, the blue grey one I wear with different skirts, with blue cotton shirt sewed to matching skirt
White Mexican shirt-waists
Black slacks if we must go on horseback, with your red woollies as mine have shrunk (if we go to the volcano). You might need a warm outfit too
White heavy wool sweater knitted by my mother, a woolen skirt you gave me
Peacock blue silk dress with black leaves design—our first dress—with matching scarf
White panties, bras, petticoats
Cotton dresses, simple ones: 1 navy blue, 1 orchid, 1 fuchsia
Purple bathing suit
Purple scarf for head with gold dots
Glasses in red leather case
Small sewing material box
Te quiero
A.
My friendship with Jim Herlihy is deepening. He is the best of all my spiritual children, the one who was temperamentally