“They want to treat women like children—”
“There’s nothing woman hate as much—”
“What about fiscal concerns?”
“There she sounds very convincing—”
“But without any specifics—”
“There’s nothing women HATE AS MUCH—”
“On the other hand, Buehl has supported women’s rights for years—”
“THERE’S NOTHING WOMEN HATE AS MUCH AS BEING INTERRUPTED BY MEN!!”
“Let’s remember that.”
“We’ll be back to Forum after this message.”
¶ ¶ ¶
“Now to Cindy Howell at McClellan campaign headquarters.”
“Thanks, Jim. I hope you can hear me over this commotion, because there’s no doubt that unfettered joy is the feeling of the moment, as Cassie McClellan’s supporters threaten to raise the roof. During the past week, tight polling had suggested that the outcome of this contest might not be decided until late in the evening, but from the start of the vote-counting, the numbers have been going Ms. McClellan’s way.
“We now anticipate her victory speech . . . wait a minute . . . I hear something . . . and here she comes!
“Congresswoman-elect McClellan, accompanied by her husband and children, has finally arrived to address this cheering throng and relish a well-earned victory lap.”
“Thank you! Thank you all very much!”
“Yay!”
“It’s been quite a night, hasn’t it?”
“Yay!”
“All the experts predicted that there was no way we could unseat a ten-term Congressman, but we showed ‘em, didn’t we?”
“Yay!”
“This is a truly victory for the people!”
“Yay!”
“‘Yay’ is right!”
“YAY!”
“Thank you, thank you! Now . . . I have an awful lot of folks to thank, so I hope you’ll bear with me.”
“Yay!”
“First I want to express my deep gratitude to a wonderful campaign team, who worked long hours every day to make this dream come true.”
“Yay!”
“You were great! Every one of you!”
“Yay!”
“I also want to thank my family, my husband and children—”
“Yay!”
“Who never became discouraged and always believed in me—”
“Yay!”
“And who sacrificed their time and energy so that I might stand before you tonight.”
“Yay!”
“But more than anyone else . . . more than anyone else . . . I want to thank you, my loyal supporters—”
“Yay!”
“Who rang doorbells, and made phone calls, and mailed envelopes, and gave so generously of your time and energy to carry out the countless jobs that go into a triumph like this.”
“Yay!”
“And that’s why I want you to remember something that’s so important: this election has not been about me personally.”
“Cassie, Cassie, Cassie!”
“No, it’s not about me! And I mean that! This campaign has always been about US!”
“Yay!”
“Our cause!”
“Yay!”
“And the traditional values we support.”
“Yay!”
“Fiscal discipline, hard work, faith in God and family, and . . . most of all . . . ?”
“Hndsof.”
“I can’t hear you!”
“Hands off!”
“Once more?”
“HANDS OFF!!!”
“Right!”
“Yay!”
“You and I stood together, worked together, and prayed together, and that’s why we won. Together we beat the system!”
“YAY!”
“Not long ago, the political big shots figured that they owned this district. Well, not any more!”
“Yay!”
“And now we’re going to take our message and our values to Washington!”
“Yay!”
“Are you with me?”
“Yes!”
“Are you with me?”
“YES!”
“Then with your help . . . and with firm faith that we are doing God’s work . . .”
“Yay!”
“It’s off to Congress!”
“YAAAYYY!”
¶ ¶ ¶
“Okay, panel. The elections have come and gone, and it’s time for the postmortem. Ben Hansen, what’s your nomination for the most intriguing result?”
“Are we talking locally?”
“We are, indeed.”
“Then I don’t think there’s any doubt that the story of this year is the upset of a Washington institution, Congressman Dennis Buehl, by a comparative novice, Cassie McClellan.”
“I think that one took us all by surprise. But, as usual, Ben, I’m sure you have an explanation.”
“And, as usual, you’re right.”
“Never any doubt.”
“Well, a few factors were clearly at work. Number one, voters were restless, and this particular outcome shows that they were prepared to expel everyone, regardless of party or experience or—”
“Maybe, but that’s not all—”
“Alice Lasky—”
“I think you’re underestimating her appeal—”
“What they like about her is—”
“First of all, she’s a very attractive woman—”
“Stylish—”
“Bruce Nolan—”
“Young, energetic—”
“Young-ish—”
“Can’t men talk about something beside looks?”
“Alice—”
“What they like about her—”
“And even though she was running as a conservative in a liberal district—”
“Not so much liberal as moderate—”
“Independent—”
“WHAT THEY LIKE ABOUT HER . . . what they like about her . . .