How to Use This Book
While this book breaks down theories and research behind arts-based parenting tools and techniques, ultimately The Innovative Parent is a practical guide. The chapters are written to stand alone, so that you have the option to read whichever ones are of most interest or relevance at the moment. Chapters are also conveniently organized into subsections to allow you to read short bursts of information. After all, parents rarely have the luxury of sitting down for long.
Each chapter contains practical tips, activities, and language to use with children and teenagers at home or in the community, individually or in groups. Activities best suited for children are designated by the symbol
Abundant anecdotes are sprinkled throughout. Where examples from our professional work are used, names and identifying information have been changed. We have chosen to alternate “she” and “he” pronouns for readability and balance; however, we recognize that there are those who do not identify with either pronoun.
As you read, please keep in mind that the information contained in this book is not meant as a substitute for therapy. If you are caring for a child who exhibits behaviors of concern, such as developmental delays or a traumatic reaction to an event, we encourage you to seek support from a trained professional.
1
Talk Less. Draw, Dance, and Sing More
WHY ART?
I need to get ready for work. My daughter needs my attention. I need a shower. She needs a snack. A cuddle. A book. A round of, “Let’s pretend we’re mermaids running away from the shark.” I need to be out the door in 30 minutes, and I need a plan. Redirecting her to look at a book or play with her toys by herself isn’t working. She wants time with me, and those won’t satisfy. Television would work. No question. It’s tempting. I resist. “I know! How about you draw a picture of us being mermaids running away from the shark, and when I get out of the shower you can show it to me!” She’s elated and runs off to draw.
There are many options for responding to children. Experts generally agree that some approaches are better than others; however, there are still many “best practices” from which to choose. More often than not, parenting is an exercise in trial and error. Because of this, it’s important to be versatile. Parenting with the arts in mind allows you to be that versatile parent.
In the example above, there were many options for getting my needs met: distracting, reasoning, firmness, bribery. But this scenario (as with most all scenarios involving children) was not just about my needs. It was also about hers. A parenting moment like this is as much about nurturing connection, emotional health, and cognitive development as it is about getting out the door. I was leaving for work. She needed connection (probably because I was leaving for work). Neither reasoning, bribery, firmness, or distraction would have addressed her need. Art, on the other hand, could.
Art expresses and addresses internal needs
Inviting my daughter to draw us as mermaids wasn’t just about keeping her occupied (as television would). Drawing allowed her to express something about our relationship through drawing us together. It allowed her to symbolically “play” with me on paper, as mermaids. It bonded us in our escape from the shark. It also gave her something to create that she could look forward to sharing with me when I was available again. On these many levels, it addressed her need for connection.
Art has high nutritional value
Art is a nutritionally dense activity that imparts skills leading to greater social, emotional, and cognitive health (Catterall 2005). It involves imagination, creativity, problem solving, self-expression, risk taking, self-worth, and the making of meaning. It can develop fine and gross motor skills. It can promote focus, critical thinking skills, and tolerance of differences (Curva et al. 2005). It can even help us learn and remember information as well as perform better in a variety of academic subjects (Asbury and Rich 2008). Joint creative activities promote skills necessary for cooperation and communication (Burton, Horowitz, and Abeles 2000).
Art is a child’s home turf
I entered my daughter’s world by inviting her to draw about us instead of trying to explain for the nth time why I couldn’t play with her. Art is a language that makes sense to kids and teens. In fact, it has been said that art is our first language. Babies scribble and clap or bounce to music before they can talk. They recognize words more readily if paired with a melody than when spoken (Thiessen and Saffran 2009). Children will often create art simply because some stimulus is in their view that provokes interest, whether markers and paper, a drum, or natural objects and string. Kids learn best through hands-on experiences of the world, which the arts provide (UNICEF 1994), and will naturally explore, express, take in, and process more through play and the creative arts than they will through talking. Creative arts therapists and play therapists have been on to this for a while.
Lawrence Cohen (2002), author of Playful Parenting, describes play as a magical place where children can truly be themselves. Art is much the same. I’ve heard children describe their experience of making art as a place where they can feel free to express their own ideas and feel better. The respected anthropologist Ellen Dissanayake (1992) asserts that art has supported our survival as a species because it helps us make meaning, self-express, and bond as a community during difficult times. Indeed, art is much more than a pretty picture or a song well played. It is fundamental to who we are.
For our purposes, we will define art as the use of some tool or medium (be it paint in the visual arts, instruments in music, or the body in dance) and a creative or imaginative process. Together, these invite expression of one’s internal world, exploration of the external world, or an investigation of the relationship between the two. Art may intend to communicate to another or be entirely self-exploratory. It may be functional or not. Art always involves a process and often, though not always, creates a product. So, rather than thinking about art as an equation where Paint + Canvas = A Painting, or Flute + Breath = Music, we will explore how art is integral to our lives and well-being.
Tool + Creative Expression = Exploration, Making Meaning, and Communication
This is an equation that has everything to do with parenting. And this is why it makes sense that we should all talk a little less, and draw, dance, and sing a little more.
WHEN WORDS AREN’T ENOUGH
“Can we talk, sweetheart?”
“Yeah,” grunts my son.
“When you don’t like what someone is doing, don’t do it back to them . . . [pause] . . . It doesn’t solve anything . . . [he nods] . . . If a kid is bothering you, you can say ‘Stop’ or ‘I don’t like that’ but calling names back just makes the situation worse . . . [pause] . . . Do you understand what I’m saying?” . . . [he nods] . . . Or you can walk away . . . [pause] . . . Come tell us if there’s a problem.”
“Okay,” he says.
“Do you understand?” I double-check.