It is up to me; I am the only one in the family.
Simple as that. It was all on me. If I failed, my mother would be crushed, and my lil brother would not have any men in the family to show him a better life. So, I had to get As in every class and figure out a way to pay for school. Period.
My WHY stayed the same as my WHATs (see above) until school was paid for and I was achieving a bit of success. Then it became:
I must be the one to show, by example, my people (especially my lil brother and the men in my family and community), that since I can achieve greatness, so can they.
That WHY picked me up when I was knocked down. I was made to feel out of place quite a bit while in college. The other boys thought I was “ghetto” or unintelligent because of my strong, fast-talking country Miami slang. Many people couldn’t understand me. I’m groaning as I type this just reminiscing about how clueless I was about things. I did not know what Greek fraternities were; I did not know a lot of the “high” fashion brands (i.e. Banana Republic, Brooks Brothers, etc.), or even beverages like cappuccino.
It was like I was some “ghetto,” stereotypical character from some sitcom who had warped into the real word. Once, I was in a group and a young man walked up. Everyone was excited to see him and asked him what he did over the break. He said he went to Beijing. He must have seen the confusion on my face because he looked at me and said “China.”
I was like, “Oh!” I thought about it for a second and got excited. I jumped up and inquired, “Did you see Kung Fu in the streets?”
I proceeded to do a few Kung Fu moves and told him he didn’t have to go way over there to see it because I could show him a little something right then. He, and everyone, looked at me like I was the dummy of the year. He said, “I was with the Model UN debating the inflation of the yuan.” I looked dumbfounded. I didn’t have the slightest idea what in the world he was saying. Model UN? Inflation? Yuan? Again, he saw it on my face and said, “It’s economics.” I looked at him and the group who clearly thought it was hilarious, lowered my head, and walked away. Things like that were common. VERY common. Actually, sometimes things like that still happen. Luckily, I still let this fuel my WHY.
What is your WHY? I challenge you to figure it out before you go any further. It will sustain you through those face-melting embarrassments that would cause other people pack their bags and return to the comfortable ignorance and lack of ambition they know. It will dry your eyes when you outright, totally and utterly fail. It is the most important thing you can get from this book. It is most important thing to know in any endeavor you undertake.
Exercise F1.2 – Identify a Strong WHY
Get a notebook, a few sheets of paper, or open a new text document on your computer or phone. Take at least 30 minutes of your free time, distraction-free. Write your three responses from Exercise 1.1 at the top of the document. Review those responses and ask yourself:
1.Why do I want this?
Write what comes to mind. Take at least 5 minutes to ponder each response. Dig deep. Keep asking yourself “Why?” until you stumble upon an answer that stirs something in you. Once you arrive at that answer then ask yourself:
2.Am I willing to do whatever it takes to bring this into my life?
If you hesitate for even a moment, then rethink your WHAT. Redo Exercise 1.1 and then come back to this one. Continue to go back and forth through these exercises until you come to a firm YES, “by any means necessary” response to question two. Part of doing whatever it takes is completing ALL the exercises in this book. I may be smiling…but I’m serious! If your why doesn’t impel you to complete these exercises, then it is not strong enough to deal with all the struggles of developing the career of your dreams. Once you have a strong one, then write your WHY down in a concise statement.
Develop a Personal Mission Statement
Once you have developed your WHAT and WHY statements, you must now engrave them in your heart and mind. That is why we are going to turn it into a personal mission statement. I am not talking about something grand, just 1-2 sentences that clearly articulate what you want and the primary motivating factor behind it.
Simply put the two statements you made above into a short paragraph. For example:
I must put a smile on my mother’s face and become a role model for my lil brother. It is up to me. I am the one in the family that must succeed.
You don’t have to have anything “deep” or “powerful.” It is all about what moves YOU. If your WHAT is a realistic goal that you can accomplish in life and your WHY is strong, then you have a personal mission statement. Another example,
I am an environmental activist because I am tired of seeing kids suffer from diseases caused by pollution.
OR
I witnessed my mother go through a bad marriage. I will become a family and marriage counselor to ensure that no one else have to go through what she and I went through.
Write this down and put it where you can see it every day. Create a vision board. Infuse it into something in your life. For example, my mother’s personal mission statement was:
I must go to college and become successful to create a better life for my children.
Seeing her children every day reminded her of that mission.
Another point: you need a personal story behind that mission statement. The heart of your story lies within your WHAT and WHY. I really want to emphasize this point because once you identify your WHY, it will give you the motivation to figure out the WHAT and HOW. You won’t need anything else. If you have a strong enough WHY, nothing will stop you, not even yourself. Take the time to figure out a clear idea of what you want and a very strong WHY you want it.
Here is a bad example of this exercise that most people will do.
I want to go to college to get a job, so I can take care of myself.
Now, if you have been homeless, abused in the foster care system, or been seriously hurt by not being able to take care of yourself then this may be a strong enough personal mission statement. However, if it is nothing that serious then this statement is childish, petty, and basic. Why? First, you don’t need to go to college to get a job. Second, there is no specificity on the job. A goal like this leaves it open to getting any type of job, even one at a fast food restaurant. Third, the mission is selfish. WHYs are stronger when connected to others, something bigger than your own immediate wants.
Another example is:
I want to make a difference in this world.
I want to put a smile on my children’s faces.
I want to make my parents proud.
These are all weak mission statements because they don’t have a specific WHAT and, therefore, are pretty easy to accomplish. You can make a difference in this world by engraving your name on a freshly cemented sidewalk. You can play with your kids and see them smile. You can also do one thing to make your parents proud now.
Your personal mission statement must grow you into something that affects you now. It must be something specific that you can accomplish so there isn’t any question that the mission is complete! If you shoot for the stars and slip up, then you will probably end up on the moon. If you really slip up, at least you will be in the sky. The point is you won’t be on Earth with a bitter and broken fear to even look to the heavens. Shoot high!
I strongly encourage you to ALWAYS identify WHAT you want out of ANY situation and WHY you want it.
Exercise F1.3 – Create a Personal Mission Statement
Review your completed answers to Exercises 1.1 and 1.2. Combine them into 2-3 sentences that inspire you to get to work. When you write down those sentences you should feel a stirring inside: