Explain Why Your Work Matters
One of the “aha” moments I’ve had while building my brand occurred a few years ago. The girls were young and didn’t have full-time school yet. I worked around their pre-K schedules during the day, and then put in several hours at night after they went to bed. Mr. Momtrends called me out on my erratic schedule and asked me why I was working so hard. The answer was two-fold: To make myself proud, and to make the girls proud. It was 100 percent the right answer. Having two young girls witness the ups and downs of being a Mom Boss is awesome. I don’t want them to think it’s easy, or that success doesn’t come with sacrifices. I say no to things all the time, because I have very clear priorities. I tell my girls that thanks to my hard work, I am employing nine other moms, moms who can have careers that allow them to see THEIR children’s soccer games and school plays. While they don’t always appreciate the big picture, they are slowly grasping my role in the financial ecosystem.
Play Among Peers
Swapping “Mom Fail” stories like the broken toe are essential to my mental health. Thankfully, I have a great group of friends to share laughs; hearing how fellow moms are coping usually does the trick to make me feel better. Not only do I adore the work ethic of my team at Momtrends, I also love how honest they are about working mom life. Knowing that you aren’t alone, and that the struggle is real, goes a long way towards alleviating Mom Guilt.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in work projects. When you’re starting out, there might not be funds to pay for a babysitter to find time to build your business. There are two schools of thought: invest some capital into the business so you can hire help, or start with what you have, and scale up as more money and time gets freed up.
Develop a Schedule
Realistically, running a start-up means you’ve got to be flexible and ready to dive deep; that doesn’t mean you can’t set up goal hours for yourself. Letting the kids and your life partners know what to expect can go a long way towards curbing resentment. Remember to ask for help. More and more fathers, co-parents, and grandparents are pitching in to help moms manage their roles as CEOs.
In Jyl’s family, her husband handles the carpooling, homework, and dinners. When she’s in town, her boys’ routine largely stays the same as when she’s traveling. Jyl says, “While owning my own business takes me away from my family due to travel, it also affords me a lot of flexibility when I’m in town.” When she’s home, she’ll regularly take Wednesdays off to attend her son’s track meet from 3-6 p.m. This was something she could rarely do when she was working at a nine-to-five job. By sharing a schedule with your family, you can let your children know that someone is always there for them.
The goal is to create as much consistency as possible, and foster a stable environment for your kids. In my world, I take off most Monday and Friday afternoons to pick the girls up at school. In return, I work late on those nights after everyone else goes to bed at night.
Build in Rituals That Make Your Mom Boss Status Fun
Maybe it’s pizza night on the day you work late, or you bring home souvenirs from every trip you make. In my case, everyone comes to pick me up from the airport, and I always bring home souvenirs.
Mom Guilt. It’s real, and it’s powerful. The trick is to harness the passion you have for loving your kids into a force of creativity, and a reason to work hard.
Jyl shared some great wisdom with me about Mom Guilt: “I think guilt is only useful if we, as moms, use it to change and grow. No mother is perfect. We’re all a work in progress. If we guilt ourselves into thinking we are not good moms, or less than other moms, that’s crossing the line into shame. Shame leads to negative thoughts, and can create a downward spiral of negative behaviors. Recognizing our weaknesses and turning them into strengths helps us become super moms. We could all use that refining!”
Don’t become a slave to your ambition. Once you start drinking from the nectar of being self-employed, it’s pretty intoxicating. There are loads of things to do, and rarely a team to delegate to. Start-ups can take a lot of your mental and physical energy. Don’t forget why you started this in the first place; kids are the reason you pivoted in your career to begin with. Becoming a Mom Boss who works 24/7 isn’t the goal. Mom Guilt can at times be a healthy reminder to check where you are allocating your time and energy.Ultimately, it’s up to you to tame the tiger of guilt.
Start with a question. That’s my advice to anyone who asks how I did it. Find me a group of successful mom entrepreneurs, and I bet the majority of them started a business because they were stumped. I believe the best companies start with the question, “Why doesn’t this exist?”
Momtrends started with that premise. The question was, “Why isn’t anyone publishing blog posts that I want to read?” And that solved my problems.
The short answer to why my business was started is because I was annoyed. When I got impatient with the options available, I decided to solve my own problem. Fortunately, plenty of women have decided to join me for the ride!
In about seven years, I’ve been able to create a million-dollar brand out of my living room. Along the way, I took on zero debt and have been able to grow my business on my own schedule, at my own pace; a pace that worked for my family. I’ve been able to continually capitalize on growth opportunities as my daughters have grown. And never, ever have I had to ask for permission along the way.
Asking for permission to do things stinks.
Before having children, I spent nearly a decade working at Ralph Lauren in the stores and corporate offices. Looking around at the moms at Ralph Lauren, I couldn’t locate a lot of role models.
I saw a lot of women making tremendous strides in career and contributing to an excellent corporation, but there were significant sacrifices of family and relationship time made along the way. The feminist in me is glad that my “sisters” are climbing the ladder and securing positions in boardrooms, but I didn’t want to have to ask anyone for permission to spend time with my family, or to travel and learn.
If it was time to start thinking about a family, I wanted to do it on my terms, not the corporate way. I don’t mind “leaning in” if it’s on projects that matter, and when I can do that leaning from a scenic spot.
Fortunately for me, I’ve been a good saver. My father told me early on to start socking away money in my 401K, and I made two great investments in apartments in my 20s. When I stepped off the corporate track in 2003, I had over $400,000 in savings.
I had zero debt, a great resume, a degree from Vanderbilt University, and more than anything else, the confidence in myself to take some risks.
Risk #1 was to quit my job with absolutely nothing lined up next. I spent all of 2004 traveling with my