In order for something to truly embody the principles of win-win, you must keep it in mind as you set out to accomplish your goals. How would getting my desires fulfilled impact others? In Black Sect feng shui, we always temper our desires with the phrase “for the highest good of all people concerned.” This acts like an energetic insurance policy, a safety net or a guiding principle. It gives you permission to ask for whatever you want; the caveat is that it’s for your highest good and the highest good of all involved, so you can’t ask for anything that’s too much.
On the surface, some of life’s opportunities might look as if they’re for your benefit, but later you may find that the look was deceiving. We never know why things work out as they do until we look through the glasses of hindsight. If we can begin to trust and intend our way through life that everything is functioning for a higher good, then we can relax and navigate the waters of opportunity with a renewed confidence and faith that all is as it should be.
Thank You in Advance
We have become accustomed to saying thank you after good things happen in life. It is polite, but it also feels good. So what happens if you start acting as if good things are already happening…before they happen? What if you begin to say thank you in advance, anticipating all of the good things that are on the way? Not only would you feel good from saying thank you, but you’re putting “out there” that good things are coming, which may even help you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Saying thank you sets a powerful intention for future success, and that intention starts now.
Tithing: Giving Back to Our Source
They say the fastest way to get anything in life is to give it away, because you can’t give away something you don’t have. Sometimes we have to give in order to receive. One way to give back is through the process of tithing. Many people associate the process of tithing with the church or other religious institutions; what many people don’t know is that farmers originally inspired the process.
Farmers noticed that if they harvested their entire crop annually, every few years there was a “down year,” resulting in no crops. They found that by simply returning 10% of their crops to the soil that there were no down years. This is one of the founding principles of sustainability: keep 90% for yourself and give 10% back. This principle also applies to our lives. It’s like the goose that laid the golden egg; if you get greedy and take too much, it stops.
The church adopted tithing because it’s a business and it wants to survive, but the church is a metaphor for whatever helps you in your life. It doesn’t matter what the thing is, give to something that sustains you in the world in some way. This could be a school, a spiritual community or a charity. It could be children, the environment or the arts. Give back of yourself in some way. If you feel moved to donate a portion of your paycheck, then do. If you prefer to give your time or your skills, that can be a beautiful thing and just as meaningful or more so than a monetary donation. As you give to something that represents your own source of inspiration and opportunity, the same invisible energy will always be there for you as well.
One afternoon about 12 years ago, a friend called and invited me to coffee. He asked me what was going on in my life and I told him that I was struggling. He listened intently as I shared with him all the ways in which I was having a hard time. At the end of our conversation he gave me a $100 bill. I was flabbergasted. He told me that a friend had done the same thing to him once and he wanted to pay it forward. He urged me to do the same thing one day when I felt moved to. I will never forget his kindness and I always remember his words.
Inverse Tithing
There is a thought that if 10% is good, then 20% must be better. Or 50%. Or 80%. In an effort to be viewed as generous, it’s possible to almost become greedy in a way. If giving is good, then giving more is better. Whatever your reasons for wanting to give this much, inverse tithing can become dangerous. That’s when you give away 90% and only keep 10% for yourself. You may not feel worthy or deserving of receiving anything. You get something and immediately give it away. If someone gives you something, you immediately try to figure out how you can repay them.
For a while, this was me. I loved the feeling of giving so much that sometimes I kept doing it, even to my own detriment. I’d give money but then have to borrow for rent. I would donate so much of my time that I ended up not leaving enough time for paid work. And there were times that I was so exhausted that I wasn’t of use to anyone.
If you do this, you too may become depleted and then have no choice but to ask for help. Imagine if you were a farmer and you gave 90% of your crop back to the soil. You would only have 10% left to sell, and then most of your work that year would go to waste. The soil doesn’t need more than 10% to be sustainable, so challenge whether your desire to constantly give more is coming from a balanced place. (I’m not talking about philanthropy; if all of your needs are being met, then feel free to be as generous as you want. The information on inverse tithing is focused more on people who are struggling and feeling that they have to do more in order to get more, or to feel good about themselves.)
I’ve experimented in many different ways with tithing through the years. I’ve given money and I’ve given my time. I’ve given to charities that I believe in: ones that build houses for those in need and those that create clean, safe water, or plant trees in areas that were devastated. I’ve given to yoga studios, temples and the arts. I’ve given publicly and anonymously. And I’ve always been provided for—always and in all ways. Does it have anything to do with my tithing? Since I don’t know for sure, it feels better to believe that it does than that it doesn’t. It has always felt good to give and I do it as much for me as I do for others.
Once You Get It, Enjoy It and Honor What Got You There
Sometimes we arrive at our goal and without pausing for more than a second, we’re instantly thinking of our next goal. But you may be forgetting how hard you’ve worked and all of the effort that went into accomplishing your dream. Take a pause and acknowledge your hard work, feel the feelings associated with getting what you worked for and allow yourself to really give yourself the accolades you deserve. This can certainly help build self-confidence for the future, and it will keep your days from blending together in a forgettable blur. If we don’t take time to enjoy the fruits of our labor, we can lose sight of why we are doing this to begin with.
The good life is one where you have an abundance of health, wealth and happiness. When you have success and the fruits of that hard work come in, it is the happiness that will sustain you through the next cycle. The happiness will have long-term positive effects on your health as well.
Everything comes from the source and to the source it is returned, so be sure to honor those who helped you along the way. Honor the visible allies (family, friends, community, spiritual leaders) and the invisible helping hands (your highest source, God, guardian angels or whatever you personally believe in). People will appreciate your thanks and will be more likely to help again in the future.
After sports teams win, they have a parade. It’s a way of giving back to all of the fans that rooted for them along the way. Whether it’s a party, a dinner or simply raising a glass in a toast, do something to honor the occasion with a celebration of your process. Celebrate, appreciate, rinse and repeat.
EXERCISE: Test drive your life
Sometimes people wait for the stars to align before they take action. Others constantly act as if the thing they want is already happening, and then they allow themselves to catch up to what they commit to. But what if you aren’t quite ready to take that leap of faith? Perhaps an easy way to dip your toe in the water is to test drive your life.
A lot of us make wish lists, lists of “somedays” and “what-if’s.” Places we want to travel. Things we want to buy. Relationships we hope will one day walk into our lives. They say destiny is where opportunity meets action,