A similar point exists for gender and pain. Socially, there is an understanding that “men are tougher,” “real men don’t cry,” and other similarly asinine expectations that can make living in pain, openly, very difficult for men. Why don’t you just man up? Tough your way through it? Real men don’t let pain stop them. This is such obvious nonsense in the abstract that it’s hard to even write down, but it’s a very real aspect of many chronic pain sufferers’ lives that can make seeking treatment, accepting help, or even discussing their bodies with loved ones much harder. And, as with age, there is not really a way to stop this happening, to prevent society at large from putting these expectations on you. All you can do is make sure you are taking thoughtful care of yourself, follow your doctor’s advice, speak up when you feel able to challenge the nonsense, and ignore it when you don’t. Remember, your body is more important than other people’s expectations.
A Note on Exhaustion
A hidden but significant aspect of living with pain is exhaustion. This comes in several forms, the simplest of which is the basic feeling of being physically and mentally tired from just existing. Getting through each day takes a toll, being in pain is hard, and many people are understandably dog at the end of it. Your overall energy is lower when you experience pain, and this is true for everyone, regardless of age or gender.
Sleep is a separate but also very important issue for chronic pain sufferers. Getting quality sleep is much harder when in pain, when battling the side effects of medications, and when anxious about health. The normal consequences of living with pain lead to lack of sleep, and this massively contributes to physical and mental exhaustion. Many pain sufferers even suffer from chronic insomnia. The ability to rest effectively is crucial to allowing the body and brain time to recover, and, without this, pain is compounded. This is a perfect example of a vicious circle: in pain, can’t sleep, more pain (because you’re tired), can’t sleep.
Even the youngest or toughest person can quickly become fatigued when living with pain, and this presents many challenges to going about your daily life. Unfortunately, the solution is simple yet difficult: you have to put your rest first. First, no exceptions. No excuses. If what you need to rest effectively is to take a nap every afternoon, then that’s what you have to do. I don’t care if you’re twenty-five or seventy-five. You need sleep and rest, whatever this looks like for you, whatever anyone else thinks. Rest is one of the single most important tools in pain management. If it means a special soft bed, then great. If it means sleeping with a prop, go for it. If it means going to bed at eight o’clock and not getting to bar-hop with friends, then this is the decision you have to make. If you do not prioritize your body’s need to rest, you are not prioritizing your health. Fatigue is potentially deadly, so be proactive and don’t let it get on top of you.
Exercise: Seeing Through Age and Gender
Compassion toward yourself takes practice. Start trying to exercise compassion toward others. If someone is walking slowly on the street, don’t just hurry past them. Think to yourself: maybe that’s as fast as they can walk. Ignore their age or the way they look. If someone can’t lift a bag of groceries at the market, don’t think “They’re weak” or “They should exercise more.” Think: maybe they’re experiencing muscular difficulty today. Maybe their joints have seized up.
Being in pain can feel like being on an island alone, and this fosters an everyone else mentality. It seems like everyone else can cope fine, has no issues, has their good health. But pain is invisible; just as they don’t know yours, you don’t know theirs. Stop presuming about others’ bodies and pain, and it will become easier to stand up for your own.
The room is full of oddly shaped, baffling apparatus with shelves and seats and levers and switches and buttons and ropes and pedals and weights and platforms and oh my God, what are you supposed to do with that bar?
Gyms are intimidating—sometimes by design. A lot of people learn how to use a piece of exercise equipment by surreptitiously watching someone else use it. A lot, more simply, join a sports team, or cycle or run by themselves, or find a class, or simply don’t bother.
We all know that exercise is good for us and that most doctors recommend a minimum of thirty minutes a day, three times a week. That sounds like a lot. Being physically active is a vital component of pain management because, in addition to all the usual health benefits it offers, for chronic pain sufferers it can also:
•Increase strength
•Increase pain thresholds
•Decrease rebound time
•Encourage and speed healing
•Teach you your body’s limits
•Make more routine activities easier
•Encourage healthy sleep
•Release hormones that assist in mental wellness
Starting a new exercise regime can be overwhelming—there is just so much information out there—and adapting an existing one can be scary. What if you make things worse? What if you embarrass yourself? What if you create a new problem?
We are not going to set out any specific exercise routines here; for one thing, it would need to be different for every person. Every single person has to modify their physical activity according to their abilities, their goals, and their time. But knowing your abilities is important, as is setting reasonable goals.
Types of Exercise
Here are some really simple categories of exercise, all of which are recommended for everyone, but in differing ratios depending on your health and abilities.
Stretching
This is always beneficial, and knowing how to stretch properly is very important; it increases mobility, range of motion and flexibility, decreases pain, and softens the impact of more rigorous exercise.
Strengthening
Strengthening exercises are not just about lifting weights; they come in a wide variety of forms, and the simplest often involve using just your own body weight to exercise and tone specific muscles.
Cardiovascular
CV exercise is the type that gets your heart racing and has enormous long-term health benefits. It is often the hardest for those with chronic pain, but, remember, not all CV exercise is equal. There are low-impact options for those who must adjust their practices to their body’s needs that will still provide the important benefits you are looking for.
Safe Options for Exercise
There are several types of exercise that are widely considered “the safest” for those seeking to increase their physical activity in the face of existing physical problems:
•Stretching
•Yoga
•Walking
•Pilates
•Strength training
•Aquafit or swimming
And all exercise regimes, regardless of what type they are, should consist of four basic components:
1.Warm-up