The sun can be out, and you can be playing the game among friends, but when your stormtrooper’s gun light goes out, you are suddenly lost in the dark forest. You hear those footsteps and, as mentioned, that horn starts to blow. You’ve heard this horn before, of course. Those cute lil’ Ewoks blew it moments before attacking the Empire and saving the Rebels in Return of the Jedi. Da-dada-daaaa! Yay! The silly Ewoks are here!
Except now you’re hearing it rain down on you from the shadows. Your light won’t reset, and you can’t find your squad mates. The horn blows again. And suddenly Da-dada-daaaa isn’t as cute and cuddly. It’s not silly. It’s a thesis statement—the Ewoks are angry, hyped, and, worse, hungry and they’re going to see you well before you see them. It’s frightening. And that’s before they actually leap out of the trees and start poking you with sticks and killing you—KILLING YOU—with wisties.
Silly, silly Ewoks.
Then you die, and the fun begins. You get to be an Ewok. It’s your turn to hunt. All your life as a Return of the Jedi fan has come to this moment. The game respawns you and you’re now a mighty Ewok warrior high atop the walkways of Bright Tree Village, ready to defend your land from unwanted interlopers. You’ve been overlooked and tossed aside by these “ackie ata” for too long. You smell them. You hear them. You see them. Now it’s your turn to play the Ewok battle horn and leap into the hunt. You’re an Ewok now, fierce and proud, and there is nothing silly about that.
94
The lair of the Dark Lord revealed
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Writers: Chris Weitz and Tony Gilroy
Director: Gareth Edwards
In those dark days without the Internet, when you didn’t have the joy of hateful comments and aggressive debates, you only heard rumors. Tasty, tantalizing rumors. On the playground and in the neighborhoods, the behind-the-scenes stories of Star Wars were urban legends. Myths passed on like the stories of old. “Did you hear,” one friend would boast. “The Ewoks were supposed to be Wookiees in Return of the Jedi. My uncle knew a guy who knew George Lucas and it’s true.” Murmurs of doubt and amazement would wash over you and your friends.
The next day, someone else would whisper, “I read in this magazine that George Lucas has six more Star Wars movies ready to be made.” That seemed insanely improbable at the time but thinking about the possibilities was plain ol’ wizard. You’d head home and sit at your desk, pretending to do your homework, yet all the while you’d be planning out your version of Episode VII. (See, that’s the kind of pressure J.J. Abrams was under. We all started planning his movie in 1983.)
From my personal archives, I once tried to get into the action by convincing some of my friends that Lando Calrissian was Luke’s cousin and therefore had partial Force powers and could do things like call lightsabers to him. It worked for the length of exactly one lunchtime recess. However, the point remains, these rumors, half-facts, and, you know, bald-faced lies were the Internet chat rooms of the day.
One of the biggest myths floating around was that of Darth Vader having a castle. That’s right, Darth Vader had his own pad, where he could stretch out his cyborg legs, take a load off, and dream about new ways to go forth and rule the galaxy. It was both intriguing and oddly out of place. The Empire was cold and sterile. Vader having a castle or lair seemed to fall too far into the super villain realm. As if to insinuate that Superman would be heading to Vader’s castle for a final showdown. This couldn’t have been true.
However, later on, concept art became a big interest of fans and the obsession with looking back and beyond at what might have been became just as much a part of Star Wars fandom as watching the movies themselves. Vader was “supposed” to have a castle in The Empire Strikes Back. Designs exist. Old drafts of screenplays emerged. Vader, the menacing face of evil in the galaxy, did, in fact, have a home. It wasn’t until 2016’s Rogue One that we finally got to see the lair of everyone’s favorite Dark Lord.
On the surface and as it plays out within the movie, the reveal of Vader’s castle carries its own weight and has relevance to the new stories of Star Wars. More and more is being learned as to why Darth Vader went to the site of his defeat at the hands of Obi-Wan Kenobi in Revenge of the Sith and set up shop. The Charles Soule-led Marvel Comics Darth Vader book that began in 2017 took a dark, disturbing dive into the hows and whys and it all makes great sense. Vader wants to be reminded of his defeat and rebirth. He wants to absolutely soak in the anger and loss he felt during his final moments as Anakin Skywalker, someone he only refers to as the Jedi. It is sublime layering of an already legendary character.
Yet there is an additional wrinkle to the moment in Rogue One. When Director Orson Krennic’s ship arrives on the surface of Mustafar, you immediately know what’s happening, Yes, Krennic is about to have a business meeting with one of his many bosses like it’s some sort of intergalactic scene from Office Space. But you’re about to see what you never thought you would. The moment we see this castle for the first time, on screen, in an actual, real Star Wars movie has an added impact for those of us who spent many years with those old playground myths rolling around our Star Wars loving heads. It means it was true. Darth Vader has a castle.
And it is everything you dreamed it could be. It’s everything the promise of the Ralph McQuarrie concept art contained. Darth Vader’s castle is menacing and medieval; a supervillain lair on pair with anything you’d find around Metropolis or Mordor. It is as cold and sterile as the Empire’s icy grip on the galaxy. It has secrets and a dark purpose. In this castle, Vader is alone, save for his assistant Vanee and two red cloaked Imperial Guards, and he is angry. It is truly a lair for a Dark Lord.
93
Han Solo casually derails the Empire
Star Wars: Episode VI—Return of the Jedi
Writers: Lawrence Kasdan & George Lucas
Director: Richard Marquand
There is an amazing amount of depth in Han Solo, and many of the reasons we love Star Wars are centered around the moments that make up his personal journey through the saga. You could enjoy the finest Corellian ale, pull up a chair in Fort Epso, and wax poetic about the lessons to be learned from the trials and myriad tribulations of Han.
And then sometimes he just really funny.
You can enjoy both aspects of this legendary character.
Han always has ideas and they’re often from the seat of his pants. It’s a miracle they work. Star Wars history has taught us that Han jumps in first, makes his own luck, and lives to tell about it. That’s the whole “never tell me the odds” part of his character. It can be argued that his luck only truly ran out once, on that catwalk inside Starkiller Base as he stood before his son—ok, ok. Let’s not get dark. Funny Han! Han is funny!
The Battle of Endor had taken a turn for the worse when Han got his crazy idea to climb into a captured AT-ST, pretend to be an Imperial (he had the experience), and *hope* the Imperials inside the shield bunker would come on out. The Rebel fleet above them was being hammered between the very much armed and operational Death Star and the Emperor’s beloved armada. The Rebel ground forces were scattered on the forest floor and only the surprising might and resolve of the Ewoks were keeping the good guys in the game. Han needed this to work.
It shouldn’t have worked, though. It was too simple. Han simply put on an AT-ST pilot’s helmet,