The bell rang, announcing the beginning of C-period.
“Well, now what?” Ingrid asked. “Do I just go to class?”
“You’re suspended. I suggest you go back to your room and start packing.”
“But then what? I mean, even if you can find him, I doubt my dad’s going to be able to get me a flight tonight.”
“Your suspension will officially start when you leave for the airport.”
“So can I go to class then? It’s physics, and Monday’s the final.”
Ms. Luce looked at Ingrid, slumped in the wooden chair, and sighed. “Physics is your best subject, isn’t it? All right, go. You won’t be here on Monday, you realize, but why don’t you speak to Mr. Carberg and see if he’ll let you take the exam early.”
“Thanks.” Ingrid stood up and started to go out, but at the door she hesitated. “Ms. Luce? If you can’t get my dad, I’ll have to stay here, right?” She pressed her lips together, and the dean realized Ingrid was trying not to cry. “I mean, you wouldn’t just send me home if no one’s there?”
“Don’t worry, Ingrid,” Ms. Luce said kindly. “I’m sure I can track down your dad. I’ll explain what happened, and wherever he is, we’ll arrange for you to meet him.”
“Good luck with that one,” Ingrid muttered. Ignoring Ms. Luce’s request to close the door after her, she started down the hall, filled it with the sound of combat boots running.
Just before dinner that evening, the pay phone on the second-floor hall of the girls’ dorm rang seven times, and then stopped. After a moment Natasha Berne’s voice came down the corridor.
“Ingrid! Ingrid, it’s for you.”
Ingrid sat up in bed and ground out her cigarette. More bad news, Mister. My stomach twisted in more knots than a little kid ’s shoelaces. Then my gut tripped and fell on them.
“INGRID.” Natasha Berne could really yell. “Ingrid Slade, goddamn it, I’m leaving the phone dangling here.”
Ingrid got up and went down the hall. I could have stayed where I was, flat on my face. But I thought I’d roll over, just for the fun of seeing what was barreling down on me before I got clobbered.
“Sweetie, what is this?” Her father’s voice was loud over some indistinct noise in the background. “The school says you’re suspended.”
“How’d they get hold of you?” Ingrid said. “I thought you were in New Mexico making bigger and better bombs.”
“I picked up the messages from the answering service en route,” he said, ignoring the gibe. “What happened, Ingrid?”
“They caught me drinking one beer, which you know everybody does, and now instead of doing Summer Intensive they want to send me home for six weeks. I told them you wouldn’t be there.”
“I won’t be. Hang on a minute.” He took the phone away from his ear and Ingrid heard the hollow crackle of an announcement being made over an intercom.
“Where are you?” she asked.
“Las Vegas airport. And my flight is boarding—we’ll have to talk about this later.”
“So what do I tell the school? Do I come to the base with you?”
“Sweetie, there’s no way I could bring you on site with me. I’m sorry, but it’s all highly classified. You know that. When I get there I’ll call Linda and have her book you a flight to Irvine. You can stay with her for a month until I get back.”
Mister, it was worse than I’d expected.
“Dad, I am not staying with your girlfriend.”
There was a stiff silence on the other end of the line. “Linda is very fond of you,” her father said after a moment. “And if you would just make a minimum of effort—”
“I do make an effort, we just don’t get along. And besides—”
“My flight is boarding, Ingrid, I’ve got to go. Tell the school you’ll stay with Linda. I love you, sweetie.”
“Dad, please, I can’t spend the summer at Linda’s. I’ll be totally miserable.”
“You should have thought of that before you decided to break the rules,” her father said, and Ingrid hung up on him.
Now she was lying on her back on Swan Hill at one in the morning. She was half-drunk, she was lying beside Jessica Rosen, and she didn’t feel any better, not really. Maybe another cigarette would help. Ingrid sat up and fumbled in the pocket of her jacket.
“Here.” Jessica held out her own cigarettes.
Ingrid accepted an Old Gold and leaned in so Jessica could light it from the tip of her own. Cigarettes kissing. Ingrid liked to watch Jessica smoke—she had the long fingers of a pianist, which she was, and she had a way of unconsciously twirling the cigarette that reminded Ingrid of miniature conductor’s movements, as if Jessica were smoking in accompaniment to an orchestra only she could hear. Now she watched Jessica’s fingers tap ash into the damp grass, flip the cigarette back up to her mouth, inhale again.
“Your fingers are still stained black from my head,” Ingrid said.
“I know. When I was home last weekend, my mom asked me if I was worried I’d get blood poisoning. I go, ‘Mom, it’s hair dye.’” Jessica coughed. “So when are they kicking you out?”
“I dunno. My dad wants me to stay with his girlfriend Linda, but I haven’t told Ms. Luce that. I guess if Linda calls the office tomorrow, I’m screwed. But she might not call—Linda doesn’t like me any more than I like her.”
“But you have to go somewhere.”
“Too bad I can’t come with you for your au pair job, hunh?”
“Yeah. If only you’d taken French, I could have argued for a one-to-one kid-nanny ratio.” Jessica stubbed out her cigarette and stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“To get us more beer. Maybe four beers is the happiness number.”
Don’t leave me, Ingrid wanted to say, though of course Jessica would be gone only a minute. But once she’d disappeared down the hill toward the keg, Ingrid had the urge to roll over into the crushed grass where Jessica had just been sitting, breathe in the smoky air of her exhalations before it dispersed. Which was ridiculous; she knew perfectly well that the dispersion of air molecules is such that soon the air from Jessica’s lungs would be everywhere forever. That every time she breathed in, she was inhaling air that had been breathed by everyone who had ever lived. Einstein, for example. Hitler, Amelia Earhart, Jesus. Her mother.
But it didn’t feel like that. The air she breathed in felt lonely.
Ingrid stopped kicking her heels and stared up at the sky.
I’m alone here, Mister. 1:27 a.m. and I’m all alone.
3.
Why tonight, Evelyn said aloud. She was sitting in the car in the Star Market parking lot, the dial on the dashboard reading a green-lit 1:30. She switched off the engine and rested her head against the steering wheel. She knew the answer, of course: Why not tonight?
It had to happen sometime, that she would snap and screw up completely, and tonight was as good as any other. She’d been dreading the party since Ray first suggested it—insisted, really: We have to have people over, it’s so far beyond our turn it’s laughable, we’ve been over to the Yeagers’ more times than I can count. And the worst of all: Don’t worry, Evelyn, sweetheart, I’ll