I noticed too that she was indeed proceeding to address my father as ‘Mr Stevens’. However, one afternoon perhaps two weeks after our conversation in my pantry, I was doing something in the library when Miss Kenton came in and said:
‘Excuse me, Mr Stevens. But if you are searching for your dust-pan, it is out in the hall.’
‘I beg your pardon, Miss Kenton?’
‘Your dust-pan, Mr Stevens. You’ve left it out here. Shall I bring it in for you?’
‘Miss Kenton, I have not been using a dust-pan.’
‘Ah, well, then forgive me, Mr Stevens. I naturally assumed you were using your dust-pan and had left it out in the hall. I am sorry to have disturbed you.’
She started to leave, but then turned at the doorway and said:
‘Oh, Mr Stevens. I would return it myself but I have to go upstairs just now. I wonder if you will remember it?’
‘Of course, Miss Kenton. Thank you for drawing attention to it.’
‘It is quite all right, Mr Stevens.’
I listened to her footsteps cross the hall and start up the great staircase, then proceeded to the doorway myself. From the library doors, one has an unbroken view right across the entrance hall to the main doors of th Most conspicuously, in virtually the central spot otherwise empty and highly polished floor, lay the a pan Miss Kenton had alluded to.
It struck me as a trivial, but irritating error; the dust-pan would have been conspicuous not only from the five ground-floor doorways opening on to the hall, but also from the staircase and the first-floor balconies. I crossed the hall and had actually picked up the offending item before realizing its full implication; my father, I recalled, had been brushing the entrance hall a half-hour or so earlier. At first, I found it hard to credit such an error to my father. But I soon reminded myself that such trivial slips are liable to befall anyone from time to time, and my irritation soon turned to Miss Kenton for attempting to create such unwarranted fuss over the incident.
Then, not more than a week later, I was coming down the back corridor from the kitchen when Miss Kenton came out of her parlour and uttered a statement she had clearly been rehearsing; this was something to the effect that although she felt most uncomfortable drawing my attention to errors made by my staff, she and I had to work as a team, and she hoped I would not feel inhibited to do similarly should I notice errors made by female staff. She then went on to point out that several pieces of silver had been laid out for the dining room which bore clear remains of polish. The end of one fork had been practically black. I thanked her and she withdrew back into her parlour. It had been unnecessary, of course, for her to mention that the silver was one of my father’s main responsibilities and one he took great pride in.
It is very possible there were a number of other instances of this sort which I have now forgotten. In any case, I recall things reaching something of a climax one grey and drizzly afternoon when I was in the billiard room attending to Lord Darlington’s sporting trophies. Miss Kenton had entered and said from the door:
‘Mr Stevens, I have just noticed something outside which puzzles me.’
‘What is that, Miss Kenton?’
‘Was it his lordship’s wish that the Chinaman on the upstairs landing should be exchanged with the one outside this door?’
‘The Chinaman, Miss Kenton?’
‘Yes, Mr Stevens. The Chinaman normally on the landing you will now find outside this door.’
‘I fear, Miss Kenton, that you are a little confused.’
‘I do not believe I am confused at all, Mr Stevens. I make it my business to acquaint myself with where objects properly belong in a house. The Chinamen, I would suppose, were polished by someone then replaced incorrectly. If you are sceptical, Mr Stevens, perhaps you will care to step out here and observe for yourself.’
‘Miss Kenton, I am occupied at present.’
‘But, Mr Stevens, you do not appear to believe what I am saying. I am thus asking you to step outside this door and see for yourself.’
‘Miss Kenton, I am busy just now and will attend to the matter shortly. It is hardly one of urgency.’
You accept then, Mr Stevens, that I am not in error on this point.’
‘I will accept nothing of the sort, Miss Kenton, until I have had a chance to deal with the matter. However, I am occupied at present.’
I turned back to my business, but Miss Kenton remained in the doorway observing me. Eventually, she said:
I can see you will be finished very shortly, Mr Stevens. I will await you outside so that this matter may be finalized when you come out.’
‘Miss Kenton, I believe you are according this matter an urgency it hardly merits.’
But Miss Kenton had departed, and sure enough, as I continued with my work, an occasional footstep or some other sound would serve to remind me she was still there outside the door. I decided therefore to occupy myself with some further tasks in the billiard room, assuming she would after a while see the ludicrousness of her position and leave. However, after some time had passed, and I had exhausted the tasks which could usefully be achieved with the implements I happened to have at hand, Miss Kenton was evidently still outside. Resolved not to waste further time on account of this childish affair, I contemplated departure via the french windows. A drawback to this plan was the weather – that is to say, several large puddles and patches of mud were in evidence – and the fact that one would need to return to the billiard room again at some point to bolt the french windows from the inside. Eventually, then, I decided the best strategy would be simply to stride out of the room very suddenly at a furious pace. I thus made my way as quietly as possible to a position from which I could execute such a march, and clutching my implements firmly about me, succeeded in propelling myself through the doorway and several paces down the corridor before a somewhat astonished Miss Kenton could recover her wits. This she did, however, rather rapidly and the next moment I found she had overtaken me and was standing before me, effectively barring my way.
‘Mr Stevens, that is the incorrect Chinaman, would you not agree?’
‘Miss Kenton, I am very busy. I am surprised you have nothing better to do than stand in corridors all day.’
‘Mr Stevens, is that the correct Chinaman or is it not?’
‘Miss Kenton, I would ask you to keep your voice down.’
‘And I would ask you, Mr Stevens, to turn around and look at that Chinaman.’
‘Miss Kenton, please keep your voice down. What would employees below think to hear us shouting at the top of our voices about what is and what is not the correct Chinaman?’
‘The fact is, Mr Stevens, all the Chinamen in this house have been dirty for some time! And now, they are in incorrect positions!’
‘Miss Kenton, you are being quite ridiculous. Now if you will be so good as to let me pass.’
‘Mr Stevens, will you kindly look at the Chinaman behind you?’
‘If it is so important to you, Miss Kenton, I will allow that the Chinaman behind me may well be incorrectly situated. But I must say I am at some loss as to why you should be so concerned with these most trivial of errors.’
‘These errors may be trivial in themselves, Mr Stevens, but you must yourself realize their larger significance.’
‘Miss Kenton, I do not understand you. Now if you would kindly allow me to pass.’
The fact is, Mr Stevens, your father is entrusted with far more than a man of his