The focus of this book will be you.
I will help you to reorganize your inner world and your outer one. Of course, the book will cover practical day-to-day how to’s, but it will also prompt some soul-searching for you to find the peace and joy that you seek. We can’t always control what life brings, and sometimes we most definitely wouldn’t choose what it does bring. But we can choose what we bring to life. Every single thought, word, choice or action has an effect. In owning them, we become masters of our own destiny.
In Part 1 you will find some essential hacks to immediately breathe a bit of space into whatever challenges you are facing and into however you are feeling. These hacks alone will help you to find more ease. Part 2 is about taking back control over your life. It will help you to unpick how stress affects you and give you the tools to start addressing what needs to change. In Part 3 you will hack into workplace stress and find the tools to help you to deal with the pressure of heavy workloads and looming targets. Part 4 gives you the tools to start living more mindfully and to free yourself from overly ruminating on the past and the future. Parts 5 and 6 are all about you – they will help you to know yourself, to trust yourself, and most importantly to love and care for yourself. You’ll learn to ditch your own-worst-enemy-self and become your own-best-friend-self. Finally, in Part 7, through guiding you into your inner journey, you will learn how you create the outer world that you live in. If you do this inner work you will never be the same again – and neither will your life.
You will notice a theme throughout. Everything is very simple. It’s all doable – even though you are busy, even though you are tired, and even though you are stressed. You probably feel like your life needs a miracle to change it. That miracle is easier than you think. It can happen through the small, seemingly insignificant, everyday choices that you make. With one small step after another, you can shift your life into something completely different. Something better. Something more fulfilling.
Throughout this book I share strategies and tools that I have both learnt and applied, and continue to learn and apply. I do not claim to be the expert or have the answer. I invite you to take what you want and leave what you don’t. That said, without action all knowledge is wasted. Nothing will work if you don’t try it. You have to give it a chance. You have to give yourself a chance. So if you take one thing away from this book then please do something different to what you are currently doing. If you do that, your life will change.
Once a worrier, not always a worrier.
A leopard can change its spots.
You can be comfortable outside of your comfort zone.
You can become your very own best friend.
You can completely change your life.
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.
Henry David Thoreau1
I love this quote because I have seen so many people do exactly what it describes. It is undoubtedly encouraging that it is possible for us all. Whatever your life looks like right now, know that it can change. If you’re stressed out and can’t see the wood for the trees, know that this can change.
These essential hacks are here to breathe a bit of space into your everyday life. They are so quick and simple that no matter how busy or stressed you are, you will be able to do them. In doing so, they will begin to make life more manageable.
From this moment on, every time you feel anxious, stuck, hurt, uncertain, depressed, frustrated or stressed, say to yourself these three essential words:
This can change.
Before we go any further, I want to start with a bit of encouragement.
I want you to know that you are doing the best that you can.
You always have done, whether it feels that way or not.
Whatever life is like for you right now, remind yourself of this every single day. Get up each day and make a promise to yourself simply to do the best that you can. Just that day. Exactly as it is. With whatever you face. Irrelevant of any outcome.
I don’t say that lightly or flippantly. Maybe you don’t handle the day as well as you’d like to, but you’re just going to give it your best shot anyway. Don’t waste any of your energy beating yourself up on all that you can’t do and all that you think you’re doing wrong. Just do what you can, as best you can. End of.
# The hack
In every moment that you are struggling, lovingly remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can.
I don’t know what is going on for you or what’s causing your stress, but I suspect that you don’t feel in control of your life right now.
The reality is that much of life is out of our control. By its very nature, life is made up of all manner of experiences and feelings. There will be joy, pain, happiness, sadness, confusion, clarity, struggle and ease. It will continue to twist and turn and every now and then it might literally side-swipe us.
With life sometimes seemingly doing its own thing, it can be easy to forget that we have a choice in what we bring in response to it. That’s the bit that is in our control but we forget that. We waste time and energy on things that we can do nothing about. In the name of your own sanity, I urge you to interrupt that habit.
Taking control of your life is about owning it. It is about accepting what is in your control and letting go of what isn’t. It’s about letting go of what you think you should be doing, or could be doing, and focusing on what you are doing. Take full ownership of what you bring to life. Own your state of being, your thoughts, your words, your choices and your actions. Every one of them. Don’t blame them on anything or anyone else ever again. Why? Because that’s the most self-empowering, life-changing thing you can do for yourself.
As you reflect on this, don’t beat yourself up about what isn’t working. Don’t waste time and energy focused on what anyone else is or isn’t doing either. Just focus on you and your life, as it is right now. So often we spend time and energy focused on what isn’t in our control, on the what-ifs. Don’t. Not right now, anyway. The best use of your time and energy right now is to focus fully on you. What you do. Or what you don’t. From now on, take full responsibility for what you can actually do something about.
# The hack
Take full responsibility for your state of being, your thoughts, your words, your choices and your actions. Don’t judge them, beat yourself up about them or get disheartened by them – simply own them, exactly as they are.