ORDINARY SINS
Also by Jim Heynen
The Man Who Kept Cigars in His Cap
A Suitable Church
You Know What Is Right
One Hundred Over 100
The One Room Schoolhouse
Being Youngest
Cosmos Coyote and William the Nice
The Boys’ House: New and Selected Stories
Standing Naked: New and Selected Poems
The Fall of Alice K.
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
© 2014, Text by Jim Heynen
© 2014, Cover and interior art by Tom Pohrt
All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher: Milkweed Editions, 1011 Washington Avenue South, Suite 300, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55415.
(800) 520-6455
Published 2014 by Milkweed Editions
Cover design by Gretchen Achilles/Wavetrap Design
Cover illustration by Tom Pohrt
Author photo by Anne Lennox
14 15 16 17 18 5 4 3 2 1
First Edition
Milkweed Editions, an independent nonprofit publisher, gratefully acknowledges sustaining support from the Bush Foundation; the Jerome Foundation; the Lindquist & Vennum Foundation; the McKnight Foundation; the National Endowment for the Arts; the Target Foundation; and other generous contributions from foundations, corporations, and individuals. Also, this activity is made possible by the voters of Minnesota through a Minnesota State Arts Board Operating Support grant, thanks to a legislative appropriation from the arts and cultural heritage fund, and a grant from the Wells Fargo Foundation Minnesota. For a full listing of Milkweed Editions supporters, please visit www.milkweed.org.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Heynen, Jim, 1940–
[Short stories. Selections]
Ordinary sins : after Theophrastus : stories / Jim Heynen ; illustrated by Tom Pohrt. — First edition.
pages ; cm
ISBN 978-1-57131-880-0
I. Pohrt, Tom. II. Title.
PS3558.E87A6 2014
813’.54—dc23
2014018350
Milkweed Editions is committed to ecological stewardship. We strive to align our book production practices with this principle, and to reduce the impact of our operations in the environment. We are a member of the Green Press Initiative, a nonprofit coalition of publishers, manufacturers, and authors working to protect the world’s endangered forests and conserve natural resources. Ordinary Sins was printed on acid-free 100% postconsumer-waste paper by Edwards Brothers Malloy.
CONTENTS
Part I. Who Jingled His Change
Who Loved Animals More Than People
The Lepidopterist
Who Didn’t Like to Have People Watch Him Eat
Who Talked to His Bees
The Worrier
The Wondrous Quiet Life
The Man Who Resembled a Pig
Part II. What’s Candy to an Artist?
What’s Candy to an Artist?
Daycare
The Girl and the Cherry Tree
Children’s Play
The Faker
The Boy Who Couldn’t Conform
The Checkout Clerk
The Boy with the Boom Box and the Old Farmer
Finding Her First Job after College
Part III. Sad Hour
Sad Hour
The Love Addicts
The Eulogist
Who Lived in a Separate Reality
Three Women Were in the Café
Good Riddance
The Good Host
Who Wanted to Know One Thing Well
The Couple That Never Fought
Coffee Shop Chair
Job Titles
The Dieter
The Escapee
The Grin Reaper
Be Careful What You Wish For
It Could Have Happened to Anyone
The Sandbox
Keeping One’s Secret
The Poor Rich Young Man
Man Tying His Shoes
The Arts Administrator
The Book Reviewer
John Doe