Sonya also exemplified how sometimes when we have to give up a dream we have held onto, in her case, the dream of being an actor, the new dream emerges and turns out to be highly fulfilling.
She was quite modest, telling me that the person I really should be interviewing for my book was not her, but Denise Stokes, who she claimed was a REAL hero in the fight against AID’s. And so, Sonya helped me contact Denise, who is represented in the chapter on Survivors. This is an example of the way in which much of this book evolved. I would contact a particular woman and she would tell me that she was not “the one”; that “the one” was someone much more accomplished than her. It is refreshing to hear women pointing to other women as examples of accomplishment, rather than criticizing them, as so often happens. At the same time, it is critical to understand that most women are inspiring to someone, and that leadership involves claiming one’s own accomplishments, as well as highlighting others.
Sonya’s home life while growing up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was like Ozzie and Harriet, she says. Her parents, both professional educators, were strict, Catholic, and provided a good foundation for their two daughters. Sonya’s parents taught her that, “no one is better than you, but as a black girl, you will probably have to work harder than others.” She felt mostly protected from racism in her Catholic school environment, even though she was one of only six black students in her class of 120. She says that she loved the structure, the nuns, and the whole experience. “Being black didn’t stop me,” she says. “I was class president my sophomore, junior and senior years in high school and I just didn’t view myself differently. Nothing made me think I should have.”
Sonya is emphatic when she says, “You have to be comfortable with yourself to be comfortable with people different from you. If I’m the only black person in a situation, I’m fine with it. I always see myself as just another person.” When speaking of racism, Sonya says that she entered school after integration was underway. “I just handled it. At that time, any racism I experienced from white people came more from stupidity, rather than viciousness.”
However, Sonya experienced more hurt from the inter-racism, based on skin color and hair type, that she says is common in Louisiana. She heard comments like, “You are too dark,” or, “You have nice hair for a dark-skinned girl.” She acknowledged the painful affect this attitude had on her and saw how it affected other girls. The message was that to be attractive, you had to look more white than black. Internalized racism among African Americans is a challenge.
After high school, Sonya attended and graduated from Howard University. She had wanted to go away to school and her father believed strongly that she should attend a traditionally Black college for the support. Feeling stifled by the cliquishness of Baton Rouge and believing that her father’s notoriety as a professor at Southern University would have been further restricting, Washington, D.C. promised a bigger worldview. Being at a historically Black college, she also felt the relief of having “no burden of my race. I didn’t have to be a token.”
Though she had planned to major in drama, Sonya eventually chose public relations. She was politically active in the undergraduate student association and the D.C. Young Democrats.
Sonya loved being in Delta Sigma Theta, a women’s sorority that emphasized public service. She loved learning the lineage, the songs and traditions that had been passed down to them as a legacy from the founders.
She embraced the largely unspoken, but clearly understood commitment that if you were a Howard University graduate, you would go out and change the world.
While Sonya says that her sister was extremely focused on becoming a physician, she, herself, wanted to do everything and lacked clear focus. As a result, she says she had some trouble growing up, which she wasn’t even sure she wanted to do.
After a stint as a bank teller, she got a job with The D.C. Department of Human Rights as a public affairs specialist, writing press releases and speeches and developing brochures. She credits Janice Smith with being a great first boss, and attorney, Maudine Cooper, head of The Urban League, with being an excellent mentor.
Sonya was certainly getting great experience, writing speeches for the mayor and learning the intricacies of special event planning. But, her original dream of being an actor was always in the background. And so she auditioned for The American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York and was accepted. Though her family was nervous and she was terrified to leave a promising career and start over at age twenty-five that is what she did. “I was either brave or stupid,” she says now. Although Sonya was successful at The Academy, being told that she was talented and had a strong presence, she was not thin and she didn’t sing or dance. The older she got, the more discouraged she was because there was so little work available for black actors – female or male.
In 1999, she was auditioning and working as a restaurant manager/bartender, while quietly believing that she had more to give. A man whom she had met previously, while doing freelance public relations work, came into the bar. Tim Rosta was the Executive Director of LIFEbeat: The Music Industry Fights AIDS, and as the evening progressed, “and the drinks flowed,” he asked Sonya to contact him at his office. She did, and he offered her a job serving as the LIFEbeat representative on The Lilith Fair Tour, which was a traveling music festival and concert tour featuring exclusively solo female artists. Sonya’s job was to coordinate the AIDS outreach activities on the tour, but with her public relations background, she began to create press opportunities for the organization, too. After speaking at one of the tour’s press conferences praising the tour’s efforts to have organizations that combat AIDS, breast cancer and domestic abuse be a part of the festival, she was asked by tour founder, Sarah McLachlan, to speak at every press conference. This insured that LIFEbeat was mentioned in tour articles. She says that, “Tim Rosta is still one of my biggest supporters.”
After Lilith Fair, Sonya was asked to be project manager of the Levi’s sponsored “World AIDS Day Concert,” which was another LIFEbeat event. She arranged for numerous artists such as In Sync and Destiny’s Child to give public service announcements. As a result of the success of this event, Sonya was asked to join the staff full-time and eventually became Director of Communications and Marketing for LIFEbeat. After three years with the organization, and though she loved non-profit work and had learned so much, she needed more income.
Around that time, a sorority sister from her Howard University days, who was now at BET (Black Entertainment Television) reached out to her and in 2002 she went to work for them as Director of Public Affairs; her job at the time of this interview. She has since been promoted to Vice-President. In this role, she creates pro-social initiatives, such as Rap It Up, an HIV-AIDS prevention campaign that is presented to a variety of audiences and tailored to the needs of the particular population being addressed. “I am so proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish,” she says. “We’ve expanded our partnerships with educational campaigns. We’ve been recognized internationally for our work. The United Nations put our ‘Global AIDS Initiative’ up as a model. I expanded grassroots HIV testing events and teen forums. We want our programs to serve communities. We partner with local radio stations, look for a local physician to be on our panel and bring in youth living with AIDS, a celebrity and a representative from BET. The program is called Choices, and it focuses on the implications of choices we make in our lives. We try to clear up misconceptions regarding HIV and AIDS. We do prevention and education, and try to reduce the stigma usually associated with this disease. I’m so happy with what I’m doing. I see the young people being changed by what they have experienced with our program.” Her enthusiasm and pride are readily apparent.
But, Sonya’s enthusiasm wanes when we touch on the subject of significant men in her life. “What’s the deal?” she asks. “There