Make it a practice to remember to return fully to whatever you are engaged in at the present moment. This is not about remembering the past or to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home—it is to remember to return to this moment. Are you living it fully or off in a trance? If we allow ourselves to be easily swayed by every thought that arises, we will face far greater challenges in deeply enjoying the people and experiences in our life. By simply remembering to return to what you are doing now, you already have begun to water the seed of mindfulness.
“The heart of most spiritual practices is simply this: Remember who you are. Remember what you love. Remember what is sacred. Remember what is true. Remember that you will die and that this day is a gift. Remember how you wish to live.” —Wayne Muller
Cultivating Mindfulness
As we have learned, mindfulness is a process of being in the present moment, and it is cultivated by being aware, remembering, and returning again and again to what is happening. It is a practice of controlling our wandering minds. The acronym WIN—What’s Important Now—can remind us of this practice. This phrase can become a wonderful mantra for prioritizing your focus despite the many demands competing for your attention at any given time.
The ideal way to develop mindfulness is through the practice of meditation. When we meditate, we simply attend to what is happening in that moment. If we are formally meditating, our attention is often focused on our breath or a word or phrase. If we are tending to the garden, our focus is on the planting, weeding and watering. Whether in formal meditation or informally connecting with daily life, we can apply the insights from meditation and other contemplative practices, such as prayer, to everyday life. In many small ways, we can learn ways to stop and calm ourselves in every moment. Once we have gained this realization we are able to look deeply and create understanding of what is happening NOW. With the ability to stop, calm and look deeply we slowly discover that we are practicing and watering the seed of mindfulness.
Stopping
The first step in any type of meditation—and the key to developing mindfulness—is learning how to stop. In stopping, we let go of the past and future and dwell in the present moment. Each day offers us many opportunities to cultivate the art of stopping—stop signs, people, bells, or an entire day of rest such as the Sabbath. Stopping does not require us to come to a halt; rather, we are to pause and heed what is happening in the moment.
What might stopping look like in your life? Take a moment to lay this book aside, stop reading—in fact, stop everything for the next several minutes, and just be. Now, explore what you’ve just experienced. Typically, people discover sights they haven’t been seeing, sounds they haven’t been hearing. They become aware of the busyness and over-activity of the their minds.
Learning to stop requires a conscious awareness and a cultivation of this skill. Two practices that support stopping—bells and gratitude—require us to bring our attention fully into the present moment, which often works best by taking a conscious breath or two to center yourself in the moment.
Bells
Historically temple and church bells have reminded people to stop and pray, reflect or meditate. They announce the time of day, alert us to special events, and remind us who may need our support. Whether the ringing of a phone or the oven timer at the end of its cycle, “bells of mindfulness” are a reminder to stop, to pause.
In meditation, bells are a metaphor for mindful awareness, but other reminders can be just as effective. Several years ago, a deaf student took my mindfulness course. Aware that she could not hear the bell, I asked her what “bells of mindfulness” she could incorporate into her life. She responded very tenderly with the help of her signer, “My baby is my bell of mindfulness. Every time I hold her and feed her, I feel fully present, and at no other time do I feel so mindful. I recognize that I naturally breathe more slowly, and in the process we both become more relaxed and connected. These are moments of great joy and peace.”
One of my joys is the opportunity to perform wedding ceremonies. During the service, I use a large bell to invite guests to pause and reflect on various important parts of the ceremony. In my parting words to the couple, I recommend that they stop when they hear bells and remember their commitment to each other. The bells of our lives offer reminders of the preciousness of life, the sacredness of the moment, and the value of each other.
Ideally your practice will reach the point where no sound is necessary, and just the thought or sight of your loved one is enough to cause you to pause and be mindful of your relationships. At those times, stop and take a breath, enjoy the present moment, and heed the call to mindfulness.
“Tenple bells stop but the sound keeps coming out in the flowers”
—Basho
Gratitude
Every day presents countless opportunities to stop and appreciate the moment. When such a moment arises, reflect on all the people and gifts that have made that moment possible, and be grateful for them. Gratefulness keeps us in the present moment. Theologian Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer we ever said was ‘Thank you,’ it would suffice.” My favorite simple practice is to stop and be present with everyone who offers a service, such as the clerk at the post office, the barista at the coffee shop, or the gas station attendant. I offer a genuine smile and say, “Thank you for being here and for your wonderful service.”
Calming
Another function of meditation and a key to developing mindfulness is focusing, which is best developed by calming ourselves. I tend to find it easier to stop and much more challenging to calm and quiet my busy mind. One of the most powerful things we can do to strengthen the “muscle” of our attention and mindfulness is to return to what we are doing over and over again throughout the day. Try not to get frustrated, and remember the words of St. Francis de Sales, “Even if you bring yourself back 1,000 times, it will be worth it.” Calming strengthens our concentration by focusing on something repetitively, such as our breath, mantras or short phrases, prayers and flowers. Calming will also help us recognize and become aware of feelings and bodily sensations when they arise. As we become quiet we then have the opportunity to embrace these feelings.
When we are calm we learn to recognize what is happening in the present moment. In this state we can deeply experience this moment through our sense and feelings and learn to accept this moment as it is. The recognition of one breath is often enough to bring us back, help us focus, and strengthen our ability to concentrate.
You practiced stopping earlier. This time, stop and place your attention on something. Focus on the senses—truly note what you are seeing and hearing. Focus on your breath—experience fully the in-breath and out-breath, and continue doing this for a few minutes. Notice that as you focus on something, just for a moment, other thoughts and worries naturally recede and the mind becomes calmer. Whatever your point of our focus, be it our senses or the person we are with, focusing can help us to calm ourselves.
Looking Deeply
In stopping and calming, we have learned to become more relaxed and mindful in the present moment. At this point we have the concentration needed to look deeply, and discover and understand the source of our current feelings. This process will be invaluable as we explore the various seeds in the garden of our consciousness. “Hello, Anger. Where did you come from? Why are you here at this time?”
In looking deeply we will also discover in the ones we love the reasons they are suffering, and we will be able to clearly see that their suffering is also our suffering. By using mindfulness, you will discover ways to look deeply at the seeds that need tending within