At least they Skyped regularly, and they still hadn’t missed an episode of Grim Designs. Nicola liked the drama of watching yuppies fight as they restored barns in post-industrial rural Britain. Rose liked mocking their shoddy construction methods.
While she waited for Nicola’s reply, she picked up the book she was reading: a torrid Highland romance set in the eighteenth century. The brooding Earl of Dalwhinnie had just returned from the Far East to find that his trusty gamekeeper had died, and the gamekeeper’s fiery daughter had her own ideas about how to manage the estate.
She’d barely caught up with the story again when her laptop started burbling. She accepted the Skype call. ‘Nicola!’
The screen showed a young woman in a lab coat, with other scientists moving busily behind her.
‘I can’t talk long,’ her best friend said. ‘We’re getting the first batch of results back and I have to translate in real time.’ Her gaze dropped to the book in Rose’s hands. ‘I can’t believe you’re still reading that.’
‘What? The Earl with the Dragon Tattoo? I’m really getting into it. It’s almost as good as Gossip Earl.’
Nicola laughed, and quoted the back cover blurb: ‘In the court of King James, where knowledge was power, one man held all the strings.’
‘I get enough of my parents ragging on my reading tastes, thank you.’
‘Remember how they used to keep leaving copies of Infinite Jest around the house?’
‘That was actually useful – I turned two of them into a clamp.’
‘Speaking of clamps,’ said Nicola, ‘did you see the latest Grim Designs?’
‘I know, right!’ Rose said. ‘I knew that clamp wasn’t going to hold the wall, but I didn’t think it was going to fall on them during the wedding! Lucky they got the “till death do us part” line out in time.’
‘Can’t believe the mother-in-law wanted them to concrete over it,’ Nicola said.
‘She’s getting that house no matter what.’
Nicola laughed. ‘Totally. We’ve gotta make sure we’ve both got Sunday night free for the final reveal.’
‘You know,’ said Rose, ‘I might have to start watching these shows professionally.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I ran into one of the guys from TAFE down at Gruntings, and he got me a job on one of the shows they film here.’
Nicola beamed. ‘That’s great! You’ll be able to finally ditch Old Steve. That guy should have been retired ten years ago.’
‘I don’t want to ditch Old Steve,’ said Rose, ‘I just want to do more with my life than make nails. I’m not a blacksmith.’
‘It’s a shame Old Steve won’t live,’ mused Nicola, ‘but then again, who does?’ She held up a unicorn folded from tinfoil.
‘Old Steve’s seen things you wouldn’t believe,’ Rose said, ‘but he’s not nearly as helpless as he makes out. He just puts on that fake cough whenever he’s trying to guilt-trip me. These days I ignore it.’
‘I don’t care about him. You being on a reality show would be awesome!’
‘I guess,’ Rose said. ‘Grim Designs is the only one I really watch.’
‘And it took me six months of convincing you it was full of handiwork before you’d even agree to watch it.’
‘Well, you’re going to have to talk me through this stuff – I have no idea.’
‘Absolutely! Oh, wait.’ Nicola frowned. ‘It’s not going to interfere with your big date, is it?’
‘No,’ Rose sighed. ‘It’s still on.’
Rose’s last boyfriend had been an installation artist named Marco. He’d recently moved overseas for ‘professional opportunities’, which was code for sleeping around. They hadn’t officially broken up, but things had been cooling for a while: initially Marco had seemed a practical, hands-on type, but it had quickly become clear that for him, actually making anything came a distant second to crafting long-winded explanations of what his (potential) work was trying to say. She probably should have cut him loose when he claimed stacking three burnt-out cars on top of each other was going to be his grand statement on gender relations.
‘Good,’ Nicola said. She hadn’t been sad to see Marco go, either. She had a long list of ‘really great’ guys she was itching to set Rose up with. Rose wasn’t sure exactly how Nicola knew these guys, but Rose needed all the help she could get. She sure wasn’t meeting anyone new spending all day cataloguing hammers.
Everyone told Rose that as a female tradie, she must have no trouble meeting men. And it was true – she met plenty. But the workmates who didn’t treat her like their kid sister were always playfully one-upping each other, or complaining about the incompetence of some other bloke on their site. After a day with Old Steve, there was only so much more shop talk Rose could handle. And from what she’d seen, dating a coworker never ended well.
‘Sometimes I worry that my artsy-fartsy parents have spoiled me for normal relationships,’ Rose said to Nicola.
‘What do you mean?’
‘They’re such snobs about everything,’ Rose said. ‘Maybe they’ve taught me to be too critical, you know? Holding out for the perfect guy?’
‘Your parents thought Marco was perfect, but that’s only because he’s an artiste,’ said Nicola. ‘I still can’t believe that embarrassing Guardian article your mum wrote about how it broke her heart when he moved to New York.’
‘I just want a man who gets things done,’ Rose said. ‘Is that too much to ask for?
‘Of course it isn’t,’ Nicola said. ‘That’s why I thought you might click with Alistair. He’s a go-getter.’
‘Good.’
‘But –’ Nicola held up a finger – ‘you have to be proactive too. Maybe if you were looking at other guys, I wouldn’t have had to set you up with Alistair.’
‘Nobody forced you to!’ Rose said, unable to keep a sulky note out of her voice. ‘It’s not like a chore.’
‘Listen, Rose, I’m doing this because I want to see you happy.’ Nicola pointed at Rose’s dog-eared paperback. ‘Maybe it’s those romance novels that are spoiling you. In real life, you don’t just … bump into the perfect man.’
‘Well,’ Rose said, ‘I actually saw a cute guy when I went for the job today. He was a contestant on Mansions in the Sky –’
‘What! You’re working on Mansions in the Sky?’
‘Um, no. I’m on The Dock.’
Nicola sighed. ‘That garbage show where they fix up trash barges? Last season they all got scurvy.’
‘I don’t think that’s how scurvy works …’
‘They did a crossover promo with Nude Island and they got lost at sea. Three months adrift. One of them married a basketball!’
‘Oh,’ Rose said. ‘What kind of show have I got myself on?’
‘Don’t worry about that,’ said Nicola. ‘Tell me more about this hot guy.’
‘I don’t know, we just had a connection. He said